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Exclamation Need immediate assistance - 09-17-2006, 08:04 AM

I was searching each of God's Own Internets for clean Christian news to post here, when Satan himself tricked me with the following scam; as God is my witness, I was only interested in doing my bit for the War On Terror ...



... and now my machine is riddled with pictures of Tom Cruise and John Travolta, and videos of Richard Simmons and some VERY big ladies; but worst of all, my desktop background is now a larger version of this strange young fellow:



Please, lay your hands on your monitors and pray that JESUS cleanses my computer of the filth within it, as every time I find some new and disgusting picture or clip I am driven to look at/watch it in its entirety, in an effort to gage how truly offensive it is; this is my True Christian Duty of course, but I would like to sleep sometime, you know.

Any help with this matter would be greatly appreciated.


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Default 09-17-2006, 02:38 PM

Dear Sister,

This is not at all uncommon. I will be glad to assist you in rooting out every bit of gay pornography which has latched intself onto your hard drive. There is a silver lining -- the more of this filth we collect, the better we'll know how to defeat this insidious enemy.

Yours in Him,
BAB
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Default 09-17-2006, 02:42 PM

My advice is to perform a virus/spyware/malware scan and report anyhting that turns up as an internet crime. If nothing turns up I'd advise you to use a backup disk to restore your harddrive to it's previous state, or you could just spend hours rooting through your system trying to delete all of the pictures when they really won't actually be deleted from your harddrive anyway.
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Default 09-17-2006, 02:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
My advice is to perform a virus/spyware/malware scan and report anyhting that turns up as an internet crime. If nothing turns up I'd advise you to use a backup disk to restore your harddrive to it's previous state, or you could just spend hours rooting through your system trying to delete all of the pictures when they really won't actually be deleted from your harddrive anyway.
Go away harlot.
As all non-TC scanners are made by satan himself, they will only make matters worse.

I will do as you wish, Mrs. Rogers, and pray to Jesus that he removes those demons that has latched to your harddrive.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13

Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 09-17-2006 at 03:21 PM.
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
Go away harlot.
As all non-TC scanners are mady by satan himself, they will only make matters worse.

I will do as you wish, Mrs. Rogers, and pray to Jesus that he removes those demons that has latched to your harddrive.
...It just so happens that I do know my way around a computer, thank you very much. I also happen to know that just sending the files to the recycle bin will not do anything. Even if deleted, such files could easily be retrieved, you would need to, more or less, shred the files 7-10 times before they are deemed "lost" I would reccommend either McAffee or Winantiviruspro 2006
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:07 PM

My Good, Gracious GOD, Mrs. Rogers! How horrible for you!

As we all know (or should know!) I am already up to my Fundament in Christmas Shopping. But in Christian Love, I am willing to take a few minutes from my busy shed-Yule to assist you with this one:



SUV
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Default 09-18-2006, 03:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Bob View Post
I will be glad to assist you in rooting out every bit of gay pornography which has latched intself onto your hard drive.
To answer your fevered battery of PM's - yes alright then, I'm willing to try this "remote access" thingie you are so keen on; I heard you had great success clearing Bobby Joe's computer of mysteriously implanted homo erotica ... Bobby cried tears of joy that day ... and the next day ... in fact, he still cries now whenever it is mentioned, so happy is he with the work you did. Praise!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
If nothing turns up I'd advise you to use a backup disk to restore your harddrive to it's previous state, or you could just spend hours rooting through your system trying to delete all of the pictures when they really won't actually be deleted from your harddrive anyway.
Thank you for your expertise here, young sinner, but I have every confidence in Brother BaB; after he trawls through every nook and cranny of my machine, there will most definitely be no nudie men pictures left - or pictures of any men at all, for that matter.

BaB is most thorough.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
I will do as you wish, Mrs. Rogers, and pray to Jesus that he removes those demons that has latched to your harddrive.
Please pray harder, dear - I couldn't bear to sit through the trailer of this again:



Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
As we all know (or should know!) I am already up to my Fundament in Christmas Shopping. But in Christian Love, I am willing to take a few minutes from my busy shed-Yule to assist you with this one:



SUV
Only if you can spare the time, dear Sue. But I should warn you, your old nemesis has made an appearance in my "TC Baptisms" folder.



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Default 09-18-2006, 04:05 AM

And you clicked on a pop-up window why exactly, Mrs Rogers?



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 04:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
And you clicked on a pop-up window why exactly, Mrs Rogers?
To fight terror, of course. Are you daft?


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Default 09-18-2006, 04:26 AM

Umm, Mrs Rogers, beware of
1) Any popup
2) Anything which talks about winning an Ipod or anything else for that matter.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 04:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Umm, Mrs Rogers, beware of
1) Any popup
2) Anything which talks about winning an Ipod or anything else for that matter.
Why thank you, Mrs. Van Hindsight ... and now Richard has "popped up" amongst the pictures of my prized geraniums.



I can't take much more of this.


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Default If you think you've got problems, - 09-18-2006, 05:15 AM

DON'T CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfaSw...related&search=


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default 09-18-2006, 07:30 AM

Japs again! Holy Hiroshima, Batman!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default 09-18-2006, 07:43 AM

Jesus keeps my computer in pristine condition! All you need to do is PRAY to JESUS and He will de-frag whatever you ask. GLORY!! Who needs all this fancy "anti-spyware" foolishness from those demons at Microsoft?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 09:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Heehee, for once I DIDN'T click on the link when someone purposefully said DON'T click on the link to get people to click on the link!



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 09:53 AM

If you like cats, you can click on the link. For some reason the japs in the video think this is hilarious. Go figure.


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Default 09-18-2006, 09:56 AM

Why would anyone think that's funny?

I hope Petal doesn't see this.



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Default 09-18-2006, 10:19 AM

I told you. They are japs. Japs are oddments.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
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Smile 09-18-2006, 10:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Van Helsing View Post
Why would anyone think that's funny?

I hope Petal doesn't see this.
it ok Mrs.Hellsingers, any kitty post is a good post, an it never off-topics! nows, i wanna no why it called "cat tapping", cuz i thawt i were gonna see a bunch of kitty tap dancers an there only one kitty doing the crab shuffles
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:25 AM

That's what I though as well, Petal.....but apparently is is simply that someone can''t spell 'cat taping'.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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