The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
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Posts: 5
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Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 06:03 AM
Well good day and Praise Jesus!
I thought I might could introduce myself to yall. My birth name is Billy Ray Conway Joe Dunwoody, but my papaw used to call me Ezekiel Stonewall. Everyone else calls me Bubba, but yalls fancy computers don't like my here name! That's probably just some yankee gettin back at us for winnin the war though, ain't it?
It must be some miracle of the Father that I found yall. I used to never could never use none of these here looky boxes cause I was locked up. You see, I ain't no angel. I just got outta the jail a few years ago. I usedta could just think about me, and not about the heavenly father, Amen, but then I got saved! God spoke to me one day when I was cookin up some of that devil meth (I don't do none of that no more never, praise God). He said, "Bubba, why you doin me dirt like this?" And I was fixin to answer, but just then that little jezebel whore mother of my children came in and lit one of my damn Marlboros, and God just blew that place to high hell! I was in the hospital hopped up on that morphine when the preacher came in and said, "Bubba, God just spoke to me, and told me you need to be saved." So I said the sinner's prayer, got me my very own KJV (same Bible Jesus had when he was walkin on Galilee), and went down to the river and got baptized! Amen!
But God had a funny plan for me, yessir. I went to court, and I told them I was saved, but it was one of them damn homosexual activist liberal judges! That man said I was a newsaince and I needed to apologize. I said I was saved and that I only had to apologize to Jesus for bein a sinner, and I wasn't never gonna not never tell no pinkity-commie-fancy-high-falutin homo nothin just cause he went to one of them fancy Law Schools. I know them damn things is just like them Al Kaeda terrorist factories and they all have homosexual lovin when they burnin incense and sayin magic to some flyin carpet salesman!
So I went to the jailhouse. It wan't too bad, but some of them boys was homos too! They was makin moonshine in their damn toilets! I tried to tell them that God loved them and that the only thing he wanted them to do in that water is get in so he could cleanse their sins and they could be saved, but they don't listen neither!
But God loves us all, Amen, and he delivered me from that place two weeks ago. Since then, I been readin my Bible even more, doin gospel singin, and just lovin life Amen. Then tonight, God tells me to get on this here done computer I got from my cousin's uncles nephews brothers wife Sissy. I said, "but Lord, ain't that what them terrorist used to kill all our troops in Iraq?" Then I realized it ain't right to question God, and I got to movin, and I found yall!
I just wanted to tell you that you're doin the Good Lord's work, and God Bless You and our United States of America (except for the damn liberal homo yankee states of course)! AMEN!
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 06:08 AM
Aw shoot, I know I forgot something. I was just looking around and I see that I wrote "yall" not "y'all." I plumb forgot - I blew off my right pinky with one of them M-80 firecrackers. Them Chinese are all going to hell, but they sure make some good fireworks!
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WARNING! Racist communist feminazi bulldyke Unsaved trash
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Posts: 293
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: University of California, Berkeley
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 06:23 AM
You don't need to hide. I see the hidden meaning of your name which references the Stonewall riots of 1969 which kicked off the Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement! Friend, you do not need to hide here. True, they will persecute you and call you vile names, but as a brother in the Gay Rights movement, stand together with me and fight this religious diatrebe by knocking sense into them!
Say it loud, say it proud, we are gay and that's okay!
Professor Emerita of African-American Studies at UC Berkeley
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 06:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Tyeisha X
You don't need to hide. I see the hidden meaning of your name which references the Stonewall riots of 1969 which kicked off the Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement! Friend, you do not need to hide here. True, they will persecute you and call you vile names, but as a brother in the Gay Rights movement, stand together with me and fight this religious diatrebe by knocking sense into them!
Say it loud, say it proud, we are gay and that's okay!
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Yeah he needs to hide from you Watch out brother Billy Ray Conway she will make you turn homosexual There was no Hidden meaning in his name you have no idea what you even talking about you nigro Trash He is here To talk to other Good Christians so leave him alone and stop trying to make everybody turn gay
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 06:57 AM
I'm very sorry about that you will just have to ignore Professor Tyeisha X she is just here trying to start trouble with her Stupid gay rights Anyway Welcame brother Ezekiel Stonewall to Gods Favorite Forum
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 08:30 AM
A Godly welcome to our forums Brother Stonewall, the Holy Spirit has brought you here tonight and your witnessing for Jesus is an inspiration to us all. Pay no attention to that negress under the fro (at the moment I am at a loss as to why she has not been banned, but the Pastors here must see some sign of hope that she will eventually turn to Jesus and get some hair straightener).
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 10:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Tyeisha X
You don't need to hide. I see the hidden meaning of your name which references the Stonewall riots of 1969 which kicked off the Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement! Friend, you do not need to hide here. True, they will persecute you and call you vile names, but as a brother in the Gay Rights movement, stand together with me and fight this religious diatrebe by knocking sense into them!
Say it loud, say it proud, we are gay and that's okay!
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We do not persecute. We carry out the commandment God has handed down.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Forum Member
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Posts: 1,060
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The Godly State of South Carolina
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Re: Well Howdy! -
06-30-2009, 12:09 PM
Welcome to God's favorite forum where proper spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure are always appreciated!
I see you are a fellow Southerner! Where are you from? What church are you planning to attend? What are some of your favorite Bible verses?
Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus
In the Beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth. Genesis 1.1. This scripture is the first verse of the Bible for a reason. It lays the foundation for the absolute truth found in God's Holy WORD, the Bible.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
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Re: Well Howdy! -
07-01-2009, 05:13 AM
Is that jigaboo trying to hit on me? I don't know, I don't speak negro. And how dare you call the great Stonewall Jackson, who won us the damn war, some sort of homo.
Brother Lazarus, right now, I go to the Big Gap Hollow House of Prayer. I used to go to the Primitive Baptist church down the street, but one day that preacher done said something about reaching out to the local Mex-i-cans. I told him the only reachin I was doing with them sumbitches was extending my arm to push their asses out of God's chosen land, America, Amen, and sending them back down to Mexico where they can get on with their evil Pope-lovin, job-stealin ways! Amen!
I do my best what with that grammar you talk about, but I ain't too great with the book learnin, on count that I was too busy practicing to be a world-class mudder to go to one of them schools. Good thing, cause I hear them damn commies taken over them places too. You know who goes to school? Osama Bin Laden and his terrorists! The only school I need is my Bible and my church, praise God!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Well Howdy! -
07-01-2009, 05:22 AM
Well, Zeke, we're not here to change you, just to share our love for the Lord, and such. As long as you're here for the same reason, and not just to be a silly goose, then I think we can all welcome you here as one of our brothers in Christ.
Do you have any hobbies that you're particular about?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Jun 2009
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Re: Well Howdy! -
07-01-2009, 09:32 PM
Thank you Mr. Nobar, yeah I'm here to talk about Jesus and how he saved me with his blood, Amen! I ain't trying to be no comedian, that's for them Hollywood queers. If the last week has proven anything, they can run, but they can't hide their sinful ways from the Host of Hosts, Amen!
Well, I got a few hobbies, but it's hard for me to be doing them lately. I love muddin - I was going to be a pro mudder once they done made a pro muddin circuit - but I got one of them ankle bracelets on right now that done tell the police where I'm at, and I can only leave my trailer to go to church and bible study. I used to like NASCAR, but then I heard that Jeff Gordon is a pillowbiter and Jimmie Johnson touches little boys, so no more of that for me! I do like fishin though, but we don't do it like some of them yanks do. We get up in a nice tree and shoot them sumbitches with a 12 gauge! Praise the Lord!
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