[BornAgain]

Secular scientists by their own admission tell us that "Dopamine is commonly associated with the reward system of the brain, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person proactively to perform certain activities. Dopamine is released (particularly in areas such as the nucleus accumbens and prefrontal cortex) by rewarding experiences such as food, sex, drugs, and neutral stimuli that become associated with them." (Taken from Wiccapedia) - it's not a coincidence that all of these results are classified as sins by God in the Holy Bible (we are to be humble and realize our sinful nature, not have delusions of worthiness and grandeur) - I would recommend avoiding activities that encourage the release of dopamine - these activities can include exercise (or any secular activity that is proclaimed to be 'healthy'; as well as avoiding anyone who tries to tell you that you are naturally worthy and not in need of salvation for your sinful ways.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Saint Clam

I sought and it was found praise the LORD. I apologise that it was not Abraham that came on the ground, it was Onan. Please forgive me. Thank you.

Genesis 38:6f KJV: "And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar. And Er was wicked and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, 'Go in unto thy brother's wife and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother... And it came to pass, that when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother."

Your choice of name ("Saint" Clam), your chosen avatar (a man in a dress of some sort), and your woeful ignorance of the Bible (thinking that a Patriarch would commit the sin of --what's it called? Oh, yes. ONANISM) indicates to me that you are a Catholic.

So, why are you on a Christian church forum and pretending to be a Christian?

Originally Posted by Masturbator Gordon

The Earth is a Church for True Believers, so if it is good enough for Abraham to spill his seed upon the Earth then it is good enough for me.

God-mocker, why don't you look up the context of the verse cited by Saint Clam and find out what happened to Onan?

[James Hutchins]

I looked this thread and did not read it for some time. I too, often found myself powerfully aroused during Pastor Ezekiel's surging sermons. The glory that is God, the deep depth of His love. Every bit of me felt alive. I sat down and had a one on one session with the Good Pastor where we explored what was happening. After many hours of probing, we both came to grip with it. Firm efforts were made at the root of the problem and after feverishly working on it, the issue was resolved in spectacular fashion.
An erection is a sign of love. I love Jesus. When He is there for me, I am there for Him.

As a side note, it does explain some of the ladies fishy oder and slipperiness on the pews.

[Saint Clem]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

Your choice of name ("Saint" Clam), your chosen avatar (a man in a dress of some sort), and your woeful ignorance of the Bible (thinking that a Patriarch would commit the sin of --what's it called? Oh, yes. ONANISM) indicates to me that you are a Catholic.

So, why are you on a Christian church forum and pretending to be a Christian?

Good morning Reverend Rod, it is always good to fraternise with brothers of the Cloth, I hope your parishioners adore your "dress" as mine do mine.

I would be a Catholic, M-Rod, except that, beginning from when I was a very young lad, my father told me about Nuns chucking their babies into acid pits. Unpleasant behaviour Rodimer yeah?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

You're dressed like a ring-kissing papist.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Baptists dress as men, we do not wear blouses and skirts, Papist.

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

You're dressed like a ring-kissing papist.

Calling himself a "Saint" is indicative of Papism too, Pastor Zeke!

[Saint Clem]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

You're dressed like a ring-kissing papist.

Yeah it's good innit.

Hey Ezekiel, what's it like laying between Lamentations and Daniel?

[Phebe Carlyle]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.

It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.

I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.

I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.

How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?

Gee,

That is quite the conundrum, and a little confusing from my end, to be frank, Brother Nobar.

God does move in mysterious ways though and perhaps it was just a gentle " loins nudge" from The Lord HIMSELF so that you would not miss another minute of the wonderful sermon happening from the pulpit.

I appreciate that women are not usually allowed in here, but I did want to give a womans' perspective on it and to let you know, that I have heard no word of your "uprising and upstanding ways" until now.

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

[Master Gordon]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

Your choice of name ("Saint" Clam), your chosen avatar (a man in a dress of some sort), and your woeful ignorance of the Bible (thinking that a Patriarch would commit the sin of --what's it called? Oh, yes. ONANISM) indicates to me that you are a Catholic.

So, why are you on a Christian church forum and pretending to be a Christian?



God-mocker, why don't you look up the context of the verse cited by Saint Clam and find out what happened to Onan?

Context is the argument that satan worshippers use to argue abhorant lies about the Lord. The Lords words stand on their own each and every word is the true word of the Lord.

[Brother Barnabus]

Since Pastor Zeke delivers such wood inducing sermons, perhaps a mission to the amazon jungles will help save the rain forests?!

[Binksy1000]

I have never been married (nor do I ever intend to be married) but I HAVE suffered from the plight of the erectile tissue of my penis becoming engorged with my blood. A medical acquaintance ensures me that this is entirely "normal" in a man of my age, and that such incidences will become more infrequent with time. I am now in my sixty-sixth year, and pray that that particular time will be upon me very soon.

It is truly unfortunate that you suffered this embarrassment during service, but it brought to mind the Holy Book, and specifically Corinthians 6:19,20;

"Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and so you should glorify God with it."

These were the exact words I spoke to my good friend Simon, when he first joined our "Jolly Good Friends Society of Oban, Western Isles, Inner Hebrides", and confided in me about certain feelings he'd been having.

I prefer not to go into detail, but suffice to say that these feelings were making him extremely unhappy and confused. After quoting Corinthians and explaining that, as one of God's Children, he should rejoice in these feelings and seek an outlet for them he became very excited indeed.
I felt that it was my duty, as one of the Lord's representatives on Earth, to be a vessel for his feelings.
Simon's relief was palpable, on multiple occasions.

So, Brother King, think more Corinthians 6:19,20 and less Genesis 38:6-10.
Your erect penis is a celebration of your love of God. Your erect penis is a sign of your devotion to the Lord. Your erect penis is a magnificent, glorious, strong, long, manly totem of love.

REJOICE!

[whattheeff]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.

this is pretty gay

[Felicity]

@whattheeff Welcome!

Since you are new here please look at our please read this before posting and our your rights on this forum threads! If you already did that, just do it again. There you can learn that this forum is not about debating or unsaved opinions but about praising Jesus!

If you didn't do that yet, it would be great if you could make a thread of your own in the introductions section of the forum! That way everyone here can meet you and see how much you love Jesus!

[Father Maurice Lester]

Originally Posted by James Dewitt

...I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!

Did you get it on the first try? Was it a lucky shot or were you using one of those over-sized Bibles for the visually impaired?





As for Sister Thumper... we haven't seen much of her lately. Is she holed up somewhere baking cakes with files in them for Pastor Fred or maybe back in re-hab again?



Bless you, my tally-whacker whacker,
Father Mo




.

[TC Patriot]

Could sporting wood in church mean that if you use that erection your wife will give birth to a Godly child?

[TC Patriot]

Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester

Did you get it on the first try? Was it a lucky shot or were you using one of those over-sized Bibles for the visually impaired?





As for Sister Thumper... we haven't seen much of her lately. Is she holed up somewhere baking cakes with files in them for Pastor Fred or maybe back in re-hab again?



Bless you, my tally-whacker whacker,
Father Mo




.

Getting boners is why you boy buggerers where dresses and frocks to hide it and the little boys under it.

[Binksy1000]

Originally Posted by whattheeff

this is pretty gay

There is NO SUCH THING as a PRETTY GAY.

They are an abomination in the eyes of the LORD.

[True Disciple]

Originally Posted by Binksy1000

So, Brother King, think more Corinthians 6:19,20 and less Genesis 38:6-10.
Your erect penis is a celebration of your love of God. Your erect penis is a sign of your devotion to the Lord. Your erect penis is a magnificent, glorious, strong, long, manly totem of love.

REJOICE!

I'm a little torn on this issue, Brother. While it certainly is true that, if we can glorify God with our bodies, then that automatically means that we could glorify Him with our tallywhackers as well, and a tallywhacker rising to Heaven in praise of God certainly isn't an evil thing.

However, the Bible also teaches that sheer size does not make you righteous:

Ezekiel 23:19-21:
Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
Thus thou calledst to remembrance the lewdness of thy youth, in bruising thy teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth.

The Egyptians have huge tallywhackers, says the Bible. Yet, God curses them. We musty remember that, when having an erection, we should do so only if we keep thinking of Jesus all the time.

[AlexanderTheGreat]

It's no surprise to have an b0ner in church, with women walking around like Felicity

And like you said it's natural!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester

As for Sister Thumper... we haven't seen much of her lately. Is she holed up somewhere baking cakes with files in them for Pastor Fred or maybe back in re-hab again?

Not that it's any of your business, but I'll have you know that my lovely fiancée of 7 years is currently doing missionary work in the dark jungles of Africa. She is particularly obsessed withinterested in doing up-close and personal work with the Sudanese, who are renowned for being quite....large.

At any rate, the last I heard from her was that she has suffered lockjaw from doing so many large group sessions with the young bucks over there, and that she needed some R&R for several more weeks to accomplish her goals. I'm sure Jesus will keep her safe and send her back to me a new woman.