[Witch Hammer]

I would never have suspected that the boy was a pervert, but now I'm certain!

During a routine inspection of his bedroom today, I came across an item of concern...I was skimming through his Bible to make sure that every single word was highlighted, as pleases The Lord. As I flipped past the last page of Ecclesiastes, I noticed that the next several pages were plastered together with some dried gunk of unknown origin.

I brought the book to my nose and gave it a cautious sniff...Jism!!

Billions of innocent sperm, my grand children, had been heartlessly expelled and left to dry up upon the pages of The Song of Solomon, gasping for air and thrashing futility as they expired, one by one.

Now here's the rub: the boy is 17 years old. He towers above me, and has the physique of a large buck negroe. He has never tried to deliver a counter-punch when beaten by me in the past...but now that I know he's been self-raping to the saucy verses in the Song of Solomon, I believe he is capable of just about anything, including beating me to a bloody pulp in defiance of God's command for him to honor me and accept his thrashing like a sport.

It seems I only have two options. Beat him about the head and body with a hickory axe handle whilst he slumbers, or cast him out and shun him for the remainder of his days. Jesus help me make the right choice!

[Elmer G. White]

What a sad tale, Brother Hammer! You are right, your options are very limited. I am also slightly concerned for your personal safety. It breaks my heart to hear that at the pivotal moment of his life, your son has chosen the lifestyle of self-sodomy! Hundreds of millions of his sperm are at the moment being tortured and violated by Satan's nanobot demons in the Furnace.

How does Jesus advice us regarding sodomites?

1 Kings 14:24
And there were also sodomites in the land: and they did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.

1 Kings 15:12
And he took away the sodomites out of the land, and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.

1 Kings 22:46
And the remnant of the sodomites, which remained in the days of his father Asa, he took out of the land.

2 Kings 23:7
And he brake down the houses of the sodomites, that were by the house of the LORD, where the women wove hangings for the grove.


Brake down the house as it has become the lair for abominations. Take the boy out of the land. I suggest Canada or California. Obviously, the Bible has been violated in an irreplacable manner. Burn it. This is the vilest, it is possible that your son touched the Holy Pages with his ... Oh dear. Prayers.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Jim Farmer]

Maybe get the elders and pastors of the Church to help you give him a sound thrashing?
Then arrange a marriage for him with a father of a girlspawn - surely there must be some desperate father out there?

I can't understand why God included the Song of Solomon in the Bible. While I think everyone should read almost all of the whole Bible at least monthly, I do think that Solomon should be a sealed section only to be viewed by married men.

[MitzaLizalor]

It's a pre-incarnation description of the Love shared between Christ & the Church I had thought vouchsafed to Solomon as the first descendant in the line of David leading to Jesus. Many passages are reflected in the future historical document of Revelation, for example:

PRE-INCARNATION

SONG OF SOLOMON 5
2 I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night..
4-5a My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh..
KJV .. complete excerpt here

POST-INCARNATION

REVELATION 3
18c anoint thine eyes with eyesalve that thou mayest see.
20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
KJV .. more here

1. this must be the myrrh mentioned by Solomon

Satan on the other hand has very different ideas on the subject. Notice in particular how he mocks these very words using pop imagery such as hellfire substituted for myrrh, masked bandits for Jesus and some sort of underdressed trick witch for His belovèd, the Church–His bride–us.

Satan, therefore, we know is directly mocking us and do we have to look very far to pick up on what your son has been doing not very far at all Mr Hammer has your wretched boy requested attending any pop concerts? As you watch the clip I'm sure you'll see what I mean.

[WWJDnow]

Thank God you didn't give him the KJV with the Jesus centerfold! Under the circumstances, I think you may need to give him a roofie then remove the offending organ. It's better than dooming him to an eternity in Hell!

[spexote]

is this a joke? This entire site just seems like an extremely elaborate joke.

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Originally Posted by spexote

is this a joke? This entire site just seems like an extremely elaborate joke.

1 Corinthians 1:18

[spexote]

Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho

1 Corinthians 1:18

how poetic. this verse only further proves the exclusiveness of this religion.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by spexote

how poetic. this verse only further proves the exclusiveness of this religion.

You've understood it! Of course Jesus is exclusive. The entrance to Eternal Life with Him is only for those few True Christians™ that repent and experience spiritual re-birth in Jesus followed by obedience to His commandments. Jesus Himself has told us this much!



Matthew 7:14
Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

Only a few will receive the Grace of God and Life Eternal in Heaven. For the others Jesus has designed another place.

Matthew 13:49-50
So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just,
And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Glory to Jesus! This is no secret. All this is openly expressed in the Bible. Why should this be a surprise to anybody?

John 3:18
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Please note that the exclusivity is not an obstacle. The exclusivity only concerns Life in Heaven. Here on Earth you can make a choice. Look at John 3:18. If you believe, you have a chance. You can become one of the few! You too can head out for the rim of the bottomless pit in heaven and look down into the Furnace. There you'll understand how the gnashing of teeth below only adds to the overall righteous pleasure of those in heaven.

Yes! Entrance to heaven in exclusive. Yes, you're still invited!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Originally Posted by spexote

is this a joke? This entire site just seems like an extremely elaborate joke.

Way to ride rough shod over our most cherished beliefs.

Stay classy.

YIC