Jesus Pimp My Ride

[I Man Rastafari]

Greetings my white friends! I announce that I have decided to venture into a new activity which is unknown in Jamaica which is my home but is very common here in America. I have applied for a loan to purchase a used Range Rover which has been my dream to own for some time and I have been approved! My new ride could use new paint and it has been used by white people driving in a snowy climate so it is a little rusty. I have to pay 195USD per week and if I do not appear at the right time the car seller has a special signal that will turn my car off where ever I am. This is an aspect of car buying in Babylon that I did not expect. I do not know how I will both pay for the Range Rover and also obtain enough ganja but Jah will provide.

Now that I am a voter and a Democrat and I have a rusty English vehicle I feel that I am a true American but I am in need of help from my white friends. I am in desperate need of some of those very thin tires and some spinning hub caps. I need these items very badly but I am lacking funds with which to purchase them. Could a love offering be collected on my account by my Baptist friends? The total price of these tires and spinners is 2500USD but they will double the value of my Range Rover. I am certain that I have come to the right place for assistance.

Jah Guide!
Your Friend Trevor

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

I feel that I am a true American but I am in need of help from my white friends. I am in desperate need of some of those very thin tires and some spinning hub caps. I need these items very badly but I am lacking funds with which to purchase them. Could a love offering be collected on my account by my Baptist friends? The total price of these tires and spinners is 2500USD but they will double the value of my Range Rover. I am certain that I have come to the right place for assistance.

Your Friend Trevor

Rastafari--I can understand you are new to the United States and might not know where you fit in. I'll try to be helpful. Negro people always buy used tires. They pay for them with loans from pawn shops. Surely you own something of value you can leave with a pawn shop and could get a loan for some nice used tires.

I took the liberty of finding you some used Range Rover tires. They are about 1/3 the cost of those you mentioned, $1,000 versus $2,500.

Please drive carefully.

http://www.bestusedtires.com/4-used-dunlop-sp-sport-signature-255-55-18-109v-7-8-32-tire-36110-1

[Basilissa]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

Greetings my white friends! I announce that I have decided to venture into a new activity which is unknown in Jamaica which is my home but is very common here in America. I have applied for a loan to purchase a used Range Rover which has been my dream to own for some time and I have been approved! My new ride could use new paint and it has been used by white people driving in a snowy climate so it is a little rusty. I have to pay 195USD per week and if I do not appear at the right time the car seller has a special signal that will turn my car off where ever I am. This is an aspect of car buying in Babylon that I did not expect. I do not know how I will both pay for the Range Rover and also obtain enough ganja but Jah will provide.

Now that I am a voter and a Democrat and I have a rusty English vehicle I feel that I am a true American but I am in need of help from my white friends. I am in desperate need of some of those very thin tires and some spinning hub caps. I need these items very badly but I am lacking funds with which to purchase them. Could a love offering be collected on my account by my Baptist friends? The total price of these tires and spinners is 2500USD but they will double the value of my Range Rover. I am certain that I have come to the right place for assistance.

Jah Guide!
Your Friend Trevor

Dear Illegal Alien,

Please refrain from making investments in this Godly country as ICE is already on their way to send you back home. Sayonara!

Out of curiosity, though. During the last election, did you vote 3-5 million times? That would be the most logical explanation for the 3-5 million illegal alien votes for Hillary that our President spoke about.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

I am wounded Sistren Basilissa. I am not here in Babylon in violation of the law. I have been accepted as a legal student and a Black man with no felonies who provides diversity. Your charges that I voted too many times are also incorrect. I was able to vote for Senator Bernie Sanders several times but always as a registered voter. I was also able to vote for Hillary Clinton a few times but those votes were also quite legal as I voted as a registered voter.


The vast majority of votes won by Hillary Clinton was not the result of illegal voting because she was the choice of the people. The election was stolen by Donald Trump and his friends the Russians. I am not sure what they did exactly but I know they stole the election from the people. I think they must have changed the votes in the voting machines. Old white men always steal everything they can get.


Also Mr Mayor those are not the tires I need. I want the really thin kind and I have now been told I will need new rims too. Those are the round things that they tires go on.

[Basilissa]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

Your charges that I voted too many times are also incorrect. I was able to vote for Senator Bernie Sanders several times but always as a registered voter. I was also able to vote for Hillary Clinton a few times but those votes were also quite legal as I voted as a registered voter.

Sweetie, as a non-citizen you cannot vote in this Godly country. Period. I'm sending your info to ICE right now.

Please note that everything you say may and will be used against you. You have a right to a lawyer and if you cannot afford one the government will give you an overloaded one who will not even remember your name because of how many cases he/she is currently handling.

[handmaiden]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

Out of curiosity, though. During the last election, did you vote 3-5 million times? That would be the most logical explanation for the 3-5 million illegal alien votes for Hillary that our President spoke about.

Dear Sister, I am not certain that Trevor could have remained un-stoned long enough to cast that many votes in a single day. But you offer an excellent thesis. Perhaps Hellary and her minions strategically hired and placed 5 million illegal aliens at various voting stations around the country? It's far less obvious than busing them en mass across any state borders. I'm sure that our Fearless leader would agree that sort of sneaky, convoluted method is well within the She-devil's skill set.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

Greetings my white friends! I announce that I have decided to venture into a new activity which is unknown in Jamaica which is my home but is very common here in America. I have applied for a loan to purchase a used Range Rover which has been my dream to own for some time and I have been approved! My new ride could use new paint and it has been used by white people driving in a snowy climate so it is a little rusty.

This is the problem with the Negros. They always want something for nothing.

"Yo bitch! I got me a new ride! Can you help a brother out with some new bling?"

But the Bible says that a man should work for a living.

Exodus 5:18 "Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tale of bricks."

In Christ

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Jesus Pimp My Ride

Greetings my white friends! I announce that I have decided to venture into a new activity which is unknown in Jamaica which is my home but is very common here in America. I have applied for a loan to purchase a used Range Rover which has been my dream to own for some time and I have been approved! My new ride could use new paint and it has been used by white people driving in a snowy climate so it is a little rusty.

Hello Trevor, my dusky little demon,


What bank in their right mind would loan a cent to a person of decidedly dark ethnic origins?


Loans are really not a good thing boy:


Luke Chapter 6



34 And if ye lend [to them] of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.


Now why don't you come back to work on the plantation boy. 3 square a day and a place to lay your head for 4 hours a day. I will even give you Sunday off for prayer at the Baptist Hall in the property even though you are a vile pagan.


How could you ignore an offer like this?