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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Friends, I have a problem... - 08-20-2015, 03:52 AM

Hi friends,

Being a new Christian and all, I was very excited to start and follow the Lord's command at Matthew 28:19, to preach the word and start baptizing my neighbors.

Since I'm not very good at the preaching part yet... I figured a good way to baptize my neighbors was to follow Des' advice in the ice bucket challenge thread. Therefore, I set up a tent outside our local convenience store, and offered the ice bucket challenge to anyone that came out of the store. You'd be amazed at how many sick heathens took up the challenge... thinking they're helping the homersexual ALS organization. No need to worry though, because little did they realize that I was actually baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy ghost.

I'm proud to say that in just 1 day, I've converted over 44 people to the Lord.

Anyways, my mother-in-law was the last person to take the challenge get baptized. But something amazing happened as soon as I baptized her:


Immediately after I baptized her,you could see a dove ascending from heaven... coming towards her. I was thinking "Nah! It can't be!" But sure enough... the dove flew closer and closer towards her. I stood there in awe, just thinking what this could actually mean. The dove just kept getting closer and closer to her... hovering above her.

getting closer...


and closer...



When all of a sudden, after the dove was about 3 feet over her head...

The dove SH!T right in her face and then flew away!!!



What do you think this could mean? Do you think it was a sign from the Lord or something?


"With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men." - Judges 15:16
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Default Re: Friends, I have a problem... - 08-20-2015, 04:06 AM

To me, I think its a message from god that you're doing the right thing, yet he has rejected your mother in law.
Do any of the other people here agree?


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Love Jesus Re: Friends, I have a problem... - 08-20-2015, 04:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fred Hall View Post
Hi friends,

Being a new Christian and all, I was very excited to start and follow the Lord's command at Matthew 28:19, to preach the word and start baptizing my neighbors.

Since I'm not very good at the preaching part yet... I figured a good way to baptize my neighbors was to follow Des' advice in the ice bucket challenge thread. Therefore, I set up a tent outside our local convenience store, and offered the ice bucket challenge to anyone that came out of the store. You'd be amazed at how many sick heathens took up the challenge... thinking they're helping the homersexual ALS organization. No need to worry though, because little did they realize that I was actually baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy ghost.

I'm proud to say that in just 1 day, I've converted over 44 people to the Lord.

Anyways, my mother-in-law was the last person to take the challenge get baptized. But something amazing happened as soon as I baptized her:


Immediately after I baptized her,you could see a dove ascending from heaven... coming towards her. I was thinking "Nah! It can't be!" But sure enough... the dove flew closer and closer towards her. I stood there in awe, just thinking what this could actually mean. The dove just kept getting closer and closer to her... hovering above her.

getting closer...


and closer...



When all of a sudden, after the dove was about 3 feet over her head...

The dove SH!T right in her face and then flew away!!!



What do you think this could mean? Do you think it was a sign from the Lord or something?
Fear not, fellow, The Lord foresaw her getting splattered with feces even before her conception.Job 34:21
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Prayer Re: Friends, I have a problem... - 08-20-2015, 04:52 AM

Mr. Hall,

The Bible tells us that all this has taken place before.



2 Kings 6:25
And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.


This probably means that you mother-in-law has a reasonable amount of Samaritan blood in her veins. They are stubborn when it comes to receiving Salvation but not impossible. Jesus was able to reach them and so were the Apostles. Follow their example and the tiny potential that remains in her corrupted heart may finally come into fruition!



Acts 8:25
And they, when they had testified and preached the word of the Lord, returned to Jerusalem, and preached the gospel in many villages of the Samaritans.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Friends, I have a problem... - 08-20-2015, 05:01 AM

I am humbly pleased to hear that my technique has proven useful for others. Glory!


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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