General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-10-2017, 08:20 PM
What's green and slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit the Frog's fingers.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-20-2017, 07:46 AM
When are mammies ready to have their niglets suckle upon them?
When they are black-tating.
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Unsaved trash Sexually obsessed with blacks Excels in being witless
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 148
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Salzburg, Austria.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-22-2017, 10:15 AM
A very religious man is fishing on his boat on the ocean. Eventually, his boat caspizes and he lands in the water.
Since he cannot swim, he is about drum. Luckily, just right there another boat comes across and is about to rescue. He however refuses the offer due to insisting on a miracle from God.
The boat leaves but returns a few minutes later because the inmates are very worried. He still refuses to be helped.
Another few minutes later he has drowned. When he enters, he straight goes to God and complains: "Why did you not help me?" Then God answers: "You fool, what could I have done else. I've sent you a boat two times."
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-22-2017, 11:56 PM
^^^
Must be German humor.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-23-2017, 02:46 AM
Or lack of. That wasn't even funny.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-23-2017, 01:31 PM
PERSON 1 - my dog has no nose
PERSON 2 - how does it smell?
PERSON 1 - it can't
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Unsaved trash, probably hopeless sinner
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 256
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Tulsa, OL
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-26-2017, 06:47 AM
Q: What do you get when you put two Baptists in a bathtub? A: Clean Christians!
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,237
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-26-2017, 07:48 PM
Yes well these "jokes" are getting rather strained. Recently I heard a good one though! First you need to become an ex-President confined to a wheelchair. Then during photo ops, wheel yourself over to an attractive woman and whisper in her ear:
Q: Do you want to know who my favourite magician is?
A: David Cop-a-Feel.
Simultaneously you reach around and give her pussy a friendly grab. Ha ha ha!
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
10-27-2017, 07:13 AM
I only know 2 jokes I'm afraid. I left one for Mary, which seemed suitable. Here's the other one..
What is the difference between a flea and a snake?
A snake crawls on its own belly Genesis 3:14
but a flea doesn't care whose belly it crawls on
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 87
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: 500 miles south of Babylon, in a trailer.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-03-2017, 03:59 PM
How do you make african chicken soup?
First you steal a chicken, , , ,
Apň toű hēlíou metástēthi
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-11-2017, 04:18 PM
What do you call a nigra on a mediveal torture device?
A rack-coon!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-25-2017, 04:30 AM
Father Probes: Today in Sunday School, I shall teach an age-appropriate lesson about the sacrament of sex.
Alter-Boy Billy: What is sex, Father?
Father Probes: It is what I'm doing to you right now, Billy.
The sad part is, this is no joke. This is what the Catholics really do!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-28-2017, 11:42 PM
What's the best men's clothing brand to buy a suit for courting a 14 year old?
Moore's!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-29-2017, 05:56 PM
This one isn't particularly Christian, but I thought of it just now.
Q: What's the name of the Indian game where the dot-heads play golf with a ball of cheese?
A: Par-cheesy!
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,745
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-09-2018, 07:22 PM
At some time in the distant future, Obama, Hillary and Donald are standing at the Throne of Heaven.
God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."
God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"
He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".
God can’t stomach this hypocrisy and pulls the lever – flames roar and Obama disappears South.
God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
Donald replies, “I believe I made America Great Again, I believe I spoke for the ordinary, forgotten people, forced North Korea to talk and I believe that I have left the world a better place.”
And God, almost in tears says, “Donald! Sit between Jesus and Me…”
Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"
Hillary says, "I believe in the Washington bandwagon, changing my mind when it is politically advantageous, and I believe You're in my seat. If You read my new book, it’ll tell You why…."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-09-2018, 08:01 PM
That is no joke Brother Bathfire, it's the sorry truth! Hellery Clinton is a fussy, impatient bag whose self importance leads her to think she is God! Only, God will have the last laugh when the Devil flays her alive and sears her exposed sinew with molten lead!
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-10-2018, 03:55 PM
Not really a full joke, but you know how at 3AM or so you always come up with the best snappy come-backs, which you should have said a few hours ago?
See, here's how the conversation should have gone:
"(Ahem) My eyes are up here"
"Yes, but your boobs are right here".
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-26-2018, 03:03 AM
What is it called when a person's intestines are illegally harvested?
Organized crime.
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Unsaved trash aka The Flood of Disinformation
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Posts: 267
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-05-2018, 09:48 PM
A Southern Baptist couple gets involved in a car crash on the way to their wedding and both die instantly. Since they were saved, they go to heaven. Arriving their, they ask: "We would like to marry in eternity. Is that possible?" Peter says: "Sure, I'll just go look for a best man."
Two months later the wedding takes place.
However, three years later...
"We don't get along anymore", the wife says. "We would like to have a divorce." "I'm sorry", Peter says. "It was already hard enough to find a best man. But lawyers never arrive there."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
05-18-2018, 02:41 PM
What do you call Norwegian people with moles?
Normal.
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