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Reload this Page It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
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Jesus' eternal love It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! - 05-21-2018, 06:56 PM

Of course, they come from different states and have never even met yet. That's no issue for a Godly love match!

Genesis 34:9 And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.



It was only last week one of the latest promising Forum Members, Ms. Pamela Smith came to me over a distressing concern that often plague flustered moms as we - do our sons have the gay in them?

Poor Pamela, she's been beside herself only blaming herself for her boy Ethan's sticky sin, and she should. Landover has taught us both over and over, often when things go wrong: It's us, the woman's fault! (Genesis 3:12)

With enough prayer, the Lord also guides us to trust in Him to lead the path to righteousness.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
And lean not unto thine own understanding.


So, here I have 10 kids; 4 ladies of various ages, I thought how inventive it would be to kill two lovebirds with one stone; cure little 15 year old Ethan of his gay while he's still growing, and find a suitable husband for one of my older, gangily daughters, Eunice, whose 25 and hanging from spinsterhood by a thread. Now, there may be hope for her yet.


Here is the soon to be happy couple:





I can't wait for Eunice to finally blossom into a comely Christian housewife, to obey her new husband and God, and distract Ethan from his gay demons so he may proke her maidenhead and provide the pittery-patter of Jesus's Soldiers.


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! - 05-21-2018, 08:25 PM

Thank you, Dolli! I'm sure Eunice will be a great housewife, does she know how to cook?
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Default Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! - 05-21-2018, 08:34 PM

Her cooking is edible.


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Jesus Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! - 05-22-2018, 06:24 PM

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Originally Posted by DolliMoans View Post
Her cooking is edible.

Sister Dolli,


To say that your Eunice is a pretty young thing is just not appropriately descriptive. I wish I could come up with the words.
If I were not so deeply into my homer ministry, I might take the plunge myself with such a … well, um... with such a person. However, I must get back on my knees and lead more sinners there with me.


Sorry I couldn't come to your husband's (etc) funeral, but you know, with his not being a True Christian™ and all, it just was below the stature that God has seen fit to reward me with. I know you understand.


BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! - 05-22-2018, 11:36 PM

Hello Brother Larry,

I accept your decline to have visited Mr. Moan's funeral, as I know he had committed stains that couldn't be removed from his hellbound soul. I wouldn't have expected anything more from you.

Perhaps, with Pamela's husband's permission, you could be little Ethan's best man? I think it would be very good for him, as any of his dubious queer cohorts would be most inappropriate for a straight, Christian wedding.


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Pamela Smith Pamela Smith is offline
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Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Pamela Smith has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! - 05-23-2018, 12:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DolliMoans View Post
Hello Brother Larry,

I accept your decline to have visited Mr. Moan's funeral, as I know he had committed stains that couldn't be removed from his hellbound soul. I wouldn't have expected anything more from you.

Perhaps, with Pamela's husband's permission, you could be little Ethan's best man? I think it would be very good for him, as any of his dubious queer cohorts would be most inappropriate for a straight, Christian wedding.
What a lovely idea, Dolli ! Most of his friends are queers or some other kind of sinner, so we don't even have anyone for the bestman!


1 Timothy 2:12
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