[Mustex]

Some hellbound secular scientists told me I have a mild for of Autism called "Asperger's Syndrome," and that this is why I'm socially awkward, can't read facial/body language very well, tend to avert my eyes, have repetitive speech patterns, and generally miss alot of social cues. What demons are actually responsible for this, and what sort of exorcism would be neccessary to get rid of it?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Mustex

Some hellbound secular scientists told me I have a mild for of Autism called "Asperger's Syndrome," and that this is why I'm socially awkward, can't read facial/body language very well, tend to avert my eyes, have repetitive speech patterns, and generally miss alot of social cues. What demons are actually responsible for this, and what sort of exorcism would be neccessary to get rid of it?

So what are the secular scientists saying now? Having a retarded is caused by asparagus? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Everyone knows that having a crippled kid is caused by fornication while your wife is having her monthly unclean time. It's God's curse for being disgusting and gross.

I'll have to ask one of our Creation scientists to give a more complete explanation. But I'm pretty sure that asparagus is safe.

[Nobar King]

Well, kid, do people always tell you not to take stuff so seriously, that you don't know how to take a joke?

Your problem is that you should be taking Jesus more seriously and not yourself. Stop worrying what those bullies think of you. Worry about what Jesus thinks of you.

[Mustex]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

Well, kid, do people always tell you not to take stuff so seriously, that you don't know how to take a joke?

Your problem is that you should be taking Jesus more seriously and not yourself. Stop worrying what those bullies think of you. Worry about what Jesus thinks of you.

Well, being socially awkward makes it more difficult to convince people not to be disgusting homosexual, unsubmissive women, or other unsaved-types.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Mustex

Well, being socially awkward makes it more difficult to convince people not to be disgusting homosexual, unsubmissive women, or other unsaved-types.

In life, we must take advantage of every talent that we have. We know this because of M't:25:15: And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Etc., etc.

Now it strikes me that you are possessed of a few small demons, which by and large you control but make you, as you say above, a retard. God did this, and He always does things for a reason. Praise!

Now, as you can’t read social cues, etc, you’re going to have to believe me when I tell you that to be suddenly approached in the street by a slavering retard screaming The Word of The Lord, is a bowel-loosening and unforgettable experience. If accompanied by an unkempt appearance, dirty clothes, scabs and general facial twitches, the effect can mentally scar the faint-hearted for life.

What I’m saying here is that converting lost souls to Christianity is a Godly task – you have the talent of being able to spread Jesus’s message of Salvation, merely by making best use of your minor demons and with a little bit of enthusiasm, you will be able to create an impression that could last a lifetime!

So get out there Street-Preaching, point out the Goodness of and the Fear of The Lord to the Unsaved. I promise, if you do it right, you will be remembered long after the normal preacher would be forgotten.

PS
(1) If you are arrested, plead insanity
(2) lay off the asparagus.

[Brother V]

Originally Posted by Mustex

Some hellbound secular scientists told me I have a mild for of Autism called "Asperger's Syndrome," and that this is why I'm socially awkward, can't read facial/body language very well, tend to avert my eyes, have repetitive speech patterns, and generally miss alot of social cues. What demons are actually responsible for this, and what sort of exorcism would be neccessary to get rid of it?

Do you like the number 5 also?

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Originally Posted by Mustex

Some hellbound secular scientists told me I have a mild for of Autism called "Asperger's Syndrome," and that this is why I'm socially awkward, can't read facial/body language very well, tend to avert my eyes, have repetitive speech patterns, and generally miss alot of social cues. What demons are actually responsible for this, and what sort of exorcism would be neccessary to get rid of it?

While my research is generally based in the Creation Science area, I consider so-called psychology somewhat of a hobby of mine. I can assure you that Ass-burgers syndrome is nothing but a way of stamping a label on someone and judging them based on that. I can assure you that a great number of True Christians™ themselves are socially awkward and have a problem averting their eyes. This is not due to a mental disturbance, but rather due to an affinity for God. You are more in touch with the spiritual realm than you realize, and are probably responding to Satan's minions or the Holy Spirit when your eyes go all spooky. I'm not sure this is something that you *want* to get rid of, since it's a gift that God has given you--our good brother Phelps has never been a "social butterfly", and look how far he's come in his walk with Christ! I say just hang in there, and don't let those pesky "doctors" with their fancy "diplomas" tell you what you do and don't have. Focus on Jesus, and you'll be fine

[Mustex]

Originally Posted by Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.

While my research is generally based in the Creation Science area, I consider so-called psychology somewhat of a hobby of mine. I can assure you that Ass-burgers syndrome is nothing but a way of stamping a label on someone and judging them based on that. I can assure you that a great number of True Christians™ themselves are socially awkward and have a problem averting their eyes. This is not due to a mental disturbance, but rather due to an affinity for God. You are more in touch with the spiritual realm than you realize, and are probably responding to Satan's minions or the Holy Spirit when your eyes go all spooky. I'm not sure this is something that you *want* to get rid of, since it's a gift that God has given you--our good brother Phelps has never been a "social butterfly", and look how far he's come in his walk with Christ! I say just hang in there, and don't let those pesky "doctors" with their fancy "diplomas" tell you what you do and don't have. Focus on Jesus, and you'll be fine

Praise God you're right! Thank you, that clears up alot.

[LyingDingDong]

I thought Jesus hates retards?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by LingBlingDingDong

I thought Jesus hates retards?

Only if they persist in being retards. You see retardation in children is clearly a curse from God - often associated with the parents coming on into one another whilst the woman is at the unclean stage of her cycle.

Other times it could be a demon or two.

Sincere repentance all round and seeking Salvation would be a good start.