Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed! |
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: I had an erection in church -
09-15-2014, 07:17 AM
Is this what Paul meant in 2 Corinthians 12:20?
For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults:
Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the only erection that belongs in church is the resurrection.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Chicago
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Re: I had an erection in church -
11-17-2014, 04:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.
It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.
I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.
I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.
How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?
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You had sexual thoughts and fantasies of a woman aka one of Satan's demons in human clothing! You better cut your thing off at once!
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: I had an erection in church -
11-17-2014, 04:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Preacher1
You had sexual thoughts and fantasies of a woman aka one of Satan's demons in human clothing! You better cut your thing off at once!
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Supporting Scripture, please.
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Unsaved trash, smartassed tool of satan
Under Investigation
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Posts: 4
Join Date: Nov 2014
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Re: I had an erection in church -
11-21-2014, 09:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint Clem
Qute an inspiring hymn Master Gordon.
I also had an erection in a Baptist Church in Australia. The preacher was shouting the sacred text, "Being rooted and grounded in love."
Was it Abraham or someone else who "spilt his seed upon the ground"? I will seek to find this text in the KJV.
I'm not sure it is alright by the Lord for there to be spilt seed in the church but it might be.
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It was Abram who did it and it was not looked upon fondly.
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Unsaved trash, smartassed tool of satan
Under Investigation
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Posts: 4
Join Date: Nov 2014
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Re: I had an erection in church -
11-21-2014, 09:44 PM
Oops.. That is what I get for relying on memory.
It was Moses who wrote Genesis, referencing Adam, Shem and Noah right? He tells the story of Onan spilling his seed on the ground and God killing him for it.
Gen 38:8 and 9
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 1
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Manchester, England
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Re: I had an erection in church -
12-30-2014, 12:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Brother Nobar the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had my wife on one side and Sister Thumper on the other side. Pastor Zeke was in the middle of a thunderous sermon on the evils of slutty females when it just happened. I could not get up and I did not want the Ladies to see my boner so I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!
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I too confess that I once suffered this phenomenon in church. However if you thought you Sunday morning was bad mine really did spoil an otherwise lovely funeral.
It was just as the coffin came in I spotted my girlfriend and the little fella just got excited. I told her not to wear the sexy dress to a funeral but sometime she just doesn't listen. However I didn't even have the relative luxury of being able to whack the trouser protrusion with the order of service as my mother always was a bit on the heavy side and carrying her was definitely a two handed job.
RIP mum
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: I had an erection in church -
12-30-2014, 12:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samfromengland
I too confess that I once suffered this phenomenon in church. However if you thought you Sunday morning was bad mine really did spoil an otherwise lovely funeral.
It was just as the coffin came in I spotted my girlfriend and the little fella just got excited. I told her not to wear the sexy dress to a funeral but sometime she just doesn't listen. However I didn't even have the relative luxury of being able to whack the trouser protrusion with the order of service as my mother always was a bit on the heavy side and carrying her was definitely a two handed job.
RIP mum
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Instead of posting necrophile erotica, you might try introducing yourself in the Introduction Forum.
Yours in Christ,
Z. Smyth
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I had an erection in church -
12-30-2014, 03:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samfromengland
I too confess that I once suffered this phenomenon in church. However if you thought you Sunday morning was bad mine really did spoil an otherwise lovely funeral.
It was just as the coffin came in I spotted my girlfriend and the little fella just got excited. I told her not to wear the sexy dress to a funeral but sometime she just doesn't listen. However I didn't even have the relative luxury of being able to whack the trouser protrusion with the order of service as my mother always was a bit on the heavy side and carrying her was definitely a two handed job.
RIP mum
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Please make a thread of your own in the " Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.
And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.
I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: I had an erection in church -
12-30-2014, 02:18 PM
God and all methods of displaying a Christians devotion always get my passions rising. While I personally find erections disgusting and vile, God makes them happen and controls what a penis does so as a mere turgid member of His Flock, I do as God has me do. I suppose this is why God makes Homofaquals have rectal and oral sex. Can you imagine?
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,208
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: I had an erection in church -
12-31-2014, 09:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth
Supporting Scripture, please.
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Perhaps he is extrapolating on Mark 9:43-47? Maybe Preacher1 felt that the topic starter was offended by a part of his body and gave a suggestion.
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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