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Default False Religions And Cults - 09-18-2006, 11:00 PM

Please post any new false religions you run across on this thread, so that they can be added to the register.

Amish
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Worship: Hard work, mules, horses, and Satan.
Trivia Fact: The Amish think that they are saved through hard work and eschewing God's gifts of electricity and modern technology. If God didn't want us to have electricity, He wouldn't have made lightning out of it, and He certainly wouldn't have told Thomas Edison how to make electricity by rubbing two magnets together.

Asatru (Asstrue - an obvious reference to the copious amount of anal sex in their rituals)
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo, JustAGuy
worship: The Mighty Thor, a character created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in 1962. They also worship the later characters, Thor's evil half-brother Loki, Heimdal, Baldur, Sif, and Odin. But most important is the so-called "All-Father", Satan himself.

Atheists/agnostics
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and believe in the religion of Evolution and Science

Australian Abrollers
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo
worship: Bunyips -- which are demons in the form of a giant marsupial badger, and Satan

Bahai (Be high)
Submitted by: FUNdaMENTAL
Definition: Basically the same thing as the Unitarians, except they claim GOD told them to believe anything they want to.
Worship: Some guy named Bahulla Balooga, and Satan

Being f***ing decent to others despite our differences. (BFDtodod)
Submitted by: VGrid101
worship: Satan

Buddhists (boodists)
Submitted by: Pastor Nereu Gargalo
worship: an obese naked Chinaman, and Satan

Cargo Cults
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
worship: Coke bottles, banana crates, and Satan

catlicks (catlicks)
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and Mary

Chinese Universists
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Beliefs: A mess of ying/yang cosmology, taoist and boodhist nonsense.
Worship: Household gods, dead relatives, and Satan.

Deism
Submitted By: The Enlightenments
Worship: The "dual nature" of Satan.
Trivia Fact: This "religion" was invented by Thomas Jefferson solely as a ploy to keep references to Jesus out of the wicked U.S. Constitution.

Daoism/Taoism
Submitted by: SifuPhil, with additional information provided by Petal, Tim Tungtalker, and Glendora Christianson.
Definition: A pack of strung-out junkies perfoming Tai Chi, drinking Chai Tea, smoking pot, drinking beer, sleeping with every woman in town, drinking rum, and shoving bananas in various orafices. They claim to achieve everything by doing nothing and they believe in Ying Yan Yuck Yoo, the circle, half black, half white, half witted.
Worship: Nothing, everything, nature, and Satan.

Discordianism (Disco Accordionists)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
Definition: Wannabe atheists who pray to a Greek goddess named Eric and think that saying fwords while stroking their penile glands is the way to salvation.
Worship: Eric, the number 23, and Satan.

Druidism (Drooish)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of sad English gits dress up in the local drama groups' plastic chainmail, then run around the countryside waving cardboard swords at each other.
Worship: Stonehenge, Satan.

Eastern Orthodox Church
Submitted by: Phatcatlick
worship: Icons (paintings), dead bodies, fingers, toenails, incense and satan

Environmentalists (Tree-Huggers)
Submitted by: Patrick O'Kelley
worship: a minor demon named 'Gaia', spotted owls, snail darters, and Satan.

Episcapalians (Joe Piscapalians)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: the King of England, and Satan.

Free masons jars
Submitted by: TemplarPHI
Definition: An ancient society of old men who think they can unravel the secrets of the universe by drinking liquor and playing poker for two hours every Wednesday night and who don't realize how stupid they look in robes.
Worship: Archways, elevators, the letter 'G', and Satan.

Gnostics
Submitted by: Remy Lebeau
Definition: Animists who dabble in meditation, chanting and astral travel (destination - Hell), in an effort to gain demonhood. Keep potted plants and gravel as pets.
Worship: Satan, and an assortment of minor demons (fairies, gnomes, undines).

Goddess worship (Godless worship)
Submitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Beliefs: Basically, the opposite of whatever the Holy King James Bible teaches. This is particularly true in the area of male-female relations; in addition, since the Bible attaches such importance to eating meat, goddess worshipers tend to be vegans.
Practices: Hating men; channeling through crystals (Satan's cell phones)
Clergy: Homeresses who are bitter about not being men, so they buy all of their clothes at Steven Windsor Big and Tall Men.
What they worship: The goddess (that is, Satan in drag)

Hindus (Hindaloos)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: thousands of individual Demons, each masquerading as a god, and Satan.

Hitchhikers in the Galaxy
Submitted by: Pastor Isaac Peters
Description: People with no lives who have chanced upon a book and now parrot quotes from that book to explain everything in their dreary existence.
What they worship: The number 42, and Satan.

Hong Feng Shooey
Submitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Description: The ancient Oriental art of arranging your furniture so that Satan can move about more easily.
Clergy: Overpaid homer interior decorators; overpaid "postmodern" (i.e., homer) architects.
What they worship: Qi, which is a Chinese nickname for Satan.

Hottentots (Hot-to-trots)
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo
worship: a minor demon named Gay-nab, and Satan

Injuns
Submitted by: Virginia D. Templeton
Definition: Feather-sporting savages, their faces red from shame at having rejected Jesus, who masturbate with the scalps of Christians and scheme to steal our money through their monolithic network of sin-ridden casinos.
Worship: The Great Spirit (AKA Satan), lesser spirits (AKA Satan), and buffalo.

Jainism (Jane-ism)
Submitted by: ayatollah moomintroll
Worships: Satan in a fluffy animal costume.

Jehovy Witnesses
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: Satan (God's name is not Jehova, it is Jealous, see Ex 34:14)

Jews (Joos)
Submitted by: ayatollah moomintroll
Worship: money. And Satan

Juggalo Faith
Submitted by: Jenny D
Definition: Drug addicts who believe that not washing ones hair, wearing clown makeup, drinking cheap soda, and buying officially licensed merchandise makes one a ninja, not years of specialized martial arts training.
Worship: Clowns, Faggo, and Satan -- the ringmaster of the Dark Carnival

Messianic Joodaism
Submitted By: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of confused Joos trying to make amends for killing Jesus.
Worship: 'Yeshua of Nazareth' (Joo-speak for Jim Caviezel), and Satan.

Metropolitan Community "Church"
Sumbitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Description: A "church" that preaches have-a-nice-day Unitarianism to homers.
History: Founded by Troy Perry, who was so far out that not even the Pennycoastals wanted him around anymore.
What they worship: Leftist politics, rug-munching, and Satan.

Mithraism (Mythicallism)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
worship: Mithras, son of Acura Mazda (see Zoroastrians), referred to as 'the Light of the World' by his demonic followers. This 'religion' is an obvious Satanic mockery of Christianity. According to this ridiculous myth, Mithras was born of a virgin, said 'I am the way and the light, and only through me can ye be saved.', went around performing miricles, held a last supper with his followers, and died to save mankind but was resurrected and ascended into Heaven. Some of the religious practices include ritualistic baptism, drinking wine and eating bread to symbolize Mithras' blood and body, holding Sundays sacred, an an annual celebration of Mithras' birth on December 25. This religion was popular among the Roman soldiers that were in charge of suppressing Jewish revolts between 200 BC and 70 AD.

Moonies (Loonies); official members of the Unification (Loonification) Church.
Submitted by: JonFish85
Worship: The sun, the moon, Sun Myung Moon, and Satan.
Trivia facts: Despite their gruesome recruitment methods (eg, threatening to cut off their target's quivering fingers if said target refuses to sign up for Korean 101), many moonies are surprisingly sensitive about being called "moonies", as it offends their delicate moonie sensibilities.

Mormons
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben, LSD Joe
Definition: Rural folks who believe that salvation can be had by marrying all of one's female cousins and wearing goofy underwear.
Trivia fact: Believe that Jesus came back as a gunfighter in the old west.
worship: Nehi grape soda and Satan.

Muslims (mudslims)
Submitted by: the
worship: the Moon, although they are really bowing to Satan, who told them to worship the Moon

New agers
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of white, middle-class baby boomers begin calling themselves silly names, e.g., 'John-of-the-Purple-Thunder-Buttocked', and 'Red-Lady-of-the Moon-Menses', in an attempt to give their lives more meaning.
Worship: Crystals, aliens, newspaper horoscopes, Satan.

Palo Mayombe aka Palo Montenegro
Submitted By: Moonflower13
Definition: Bobbing for human bones in a boiling cauldron.
Worship: a pair of bull-dyke demonettes named Nganga and Prenda.

Pentacostals (Pennycoastals)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: snakes and Satan.

Presbyterians, Lex Lutherans, Baptists Other Than Landover Baptists, and Methamphetadists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: think they worship Jesus, but because of their false, non-Baptist doctrines, they are so twisted around that they are really worshipping Satan. (I realize that "false" and "non-Baptist" are redundant, I'm just trying to drive the point home, praise Jesus!)

Puritans
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: A group of English Heretics who think they are saved by good works and drab clothes.
Worship: corn and Satan.

Quakers
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: oatmeal, and Satan.

Raelians (Ray-Aliens)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: a group of Demons that pretend to be aliens from "other planets", when everyone knows that there are no other planets, and those lights in the sky are just that -- little lights a few miles up that can fall right to the ground if Jesus sneezes hard enough. See Rev 6:13.

Rastafarians (Pasta-Reefermans)
Submitted by: Friar Waire
worship: Satan -- they are to stoned and lazy to worship anything, but because Jesus said, "He who is not with me is against me", they worship Satan by default.

Reiki Followers
Submitted by: Brother Mike
Description: So called 'energy healing' which teaches satanic Hindu concepts as well as satanic Pagan concepts. The healing is perverted, they 'lay hands' on each other which is just an excuse to practise homersexuality and adultery.
History: Founded by some homersexual Japanese gook.
What they worship: Angels and a new age God which is of course satan and his demon minions in disguise.

Rosacruces
Submitted By: Moonflower13
Definition: Brazilian trash eating psilocybin mushrooms and digging through gravel pits.
Worships: rocks, rock spirits, rock music, and Satan.

Salvation Army
Submitted by: JonFish85
Definition: Elderly panhandlers with a fetish for army uniforms. These degenerates sing and play tambourines for money, usually at the entrances of Godly Corporations™.
Worship: Musty old clothing, musty old people; but both old and new money.

Santeria (Satanism)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of cathylicks get honest with themselves and quit pretending to love JESUS.
Practices: Sacrificing chickens, possession by Satan.
Worship: Dead cathylicks and Satan.

Satanists
Submitted by: the
Worship: Satan

Scientologists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: Satan and Elron Hubbard is his prophet.

Seculiar Humanists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: themselves, and Satan.

Shinto
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: The Japs, their minds muddled by Confucianism (i.e., Satanism), begin making tiny paper swans out of serviettes (origami) to appease their dead relatives. This is when they are not busy worshipping the Jap royal family (i.e., Satan), or performing ritual dances (i.e., possession by Satan).
Worship: Dead relatives, and Satan.

Sikhism (Sick-ism)
Sumbitted by: More Saved Than Thou
History: A group of demon-possessed people in India weren't sure whether they could outrage Jesus more by becoming hindaloos or mooselimbs, so they picked the worst aspects of both religions.
Beliefs: Their false god commands them to wear turbans, grow scruffy beards, and manage gas stations.
What they worship: Ceremonial daggers and Satan.

Unitarians
Submitted by: Born Again Bob
worship: Satan. This religion represents a unification of every false religion and their followers are allowed to choose their own paths to Satan.

United Church of Christ
Submitted by: Larry Lee
The once-glorious True Christian™ Church of the Pilgrims and Puritans (who can forget "Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God") has, in our time, so utterly embraced Satan that even the members of the UCC Divine Revelation that their Church's initials stand for 'Unitarians Considering Christ.' Furthermore, these debased hellhounds advocate the ordination of women and even install women as the pastors of congregations that include men. Lastly, I hope you're sitting down this malignant group welcomes gays and lesbians into their worship services and communities. Jesus weeps! Recently, they were in the news because the television networks refused to air their recruitment tape.
Worship: Satan

Vampirism
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: a sexual perversion in which pleasure and especially sexual pleasure is obtained by the drawing of blood
Worship: bats, blood, gay blood orgies and Satan.

Various agricultural religions of antiquity
Submitted by: Pastor Isaac Peters
Beliefs: To ensure a good harvest, a deity had to be incarnated in human form every year just to be sacrificed. Adherents never quite got around to explaining why all that was necessary; surely an omnipotent God could ensure a good harvest just by saying, "Let there be a good harvest."
What they worshiped: Crops, the seasons, and Satan.

Voodoo
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: Voodoo combines the worst elements of two other Satan-glorifying religions, Witchcraft and catlickism. Believers are able to call upon demons to turn corpses into zombies under their control.
Worship: the Pope, toy dolls and Satan.

Wiccans (wickedans) aka Witches
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan

Zoroastrians (Zorro-Astrologists)
Submitted by: Sri Krishna Chapata
worship: a demon named Acura Mazda, and Satan. This religion was created by Satan (HaShatan) solely to mock the religion of the Israelites while under Babylonian captivity, adding insult to injury.


Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
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Default 09-18-2006, 11:08 PM

Quote:
Atheists/agnostics
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and believe in the religion of Evolution and Science
Mrs Rogers, let's not make Christians look dumb.

Atheist don't worship Satan, they worship themselves.
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Default 09-18-2006, 11:12 PM

Well actually atheists don't worship anyone and agnostics simply either don't know what they believe or don't title their beliefs, however, andrew, I believe that the TC's here would say that by not believing the same thing as them, that is worshipping Satan by default.

They must not have performed the full TC™ lobotomy on you yet.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 11:21 PM

It is a well-known fact that atheists worship monkeys, which they beleive are their forebears. Anyone who worships animals are satan worshippers.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default 09-18-2006, 11:37 PM

Gnostics

Worship Satan and his demons, think they can chant and meditate their way to demonhood, like to astral travel(read: visit Hell), believe rocks, plants, and animals have souls, also believe in fairies, gnomes, undines, etc.
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Seawitch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Seawitch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Seawitch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Seawitch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Seawitch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Seawitch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: False Religions Register - 05-08-2009, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
It is a well-known fact that atheists worship monkeys, which they beleive are their forebears. Anyone who worships animals are satan worshippers.
So you think Sacred Cows are four legged Satan's ......Bull***t!


This signature is not intended as free advertising space for your cult. --ADMIN

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Reykjavik is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Reykjavik is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: False Religions Register - 08-01-2009, 02:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
It is a well-known fact that atheists worship monkeys, which they beleive are their forebears. Anyone who worships animals are satan worshippers.
If I understand correctly, Atheists don't worship anything.
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Smile Re: False Religions Register - 08-01-2009, 03:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reykjavik View Post
If I understand correctly, Atheists don't worship anything.
Is reading a second language for you?


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: False Religions Register - 08-01-2009, 07:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reykjavik View Post
If I understand correctly, Atheists don't worship anything.
You don't understand correctly.
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Default Re: False Religions Register - 08-02-2009, 11:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reykjavik View Post
If I understand correctly, Atheists don't worship anything.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 11-23-2010, 07:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8)
I guess I'm going to Hell.
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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 06-19-2012, 05:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
It is a well-known fact that atheists worship monkeys, which they beleive are their forebears. Anyone who worships animals are satan worshippers.
Its a well know fact, huh? I worship nobody. I live happier than you sad sacks of shit. Prove God is real. Don't use the Bible either, that is dumb to use the Bible as proof of Bible content.
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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 02-17-2016, 08:30 PM

I don't worship monkeys or satan, I don't worship anything for that matter. All religions are false. But here are some questions for christians
Is Anne Frank burning in hell?

How about Mahatma Gandhi?

Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?

Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?

Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?

Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?

Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?

If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?

And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?

Whose prayers does God answer?

And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?

If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?

If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?

If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?
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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 02-17-2016, 08:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenShower View Post
How about Mahatma Gandhi?

Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?

Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?

Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?

Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?

Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?

If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?

And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?

Whose prayers does God answer?

And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?

If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?

If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?

If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?
Hey I have good news for you! Theres a book with the answer to every single question you have. Its called the Holy Bible. Every single question you have will be answered if you read it. Now stop bothering these nice Christian people with silly questions, and go read your Bible.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 02-17-2016, 08:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenShower View Post
I don't worship monkeys or satan, I don't worship anything for that matter. All religions are false. But here are some questions for christians
Is Anne Frank burning in hell?

How about Mahatma Gandhi?

Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?

Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?

Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?

Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?

Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?

If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?

And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?

Whose prayers does God answer?

And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?

If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?

If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?

If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?

All of those questions are answered in the pages of the Holy Bible, which you must already be well aware of, having read the Bible yourself. Was it "cover to cover"? That's the description most of you people use. All of you self impressed, unsaved wretches come up with the same nonsense, ask the same questions, have the same smug know it all attitude and every one of you thinks he is the first to come up with their earth shaking reasoning. God hates you and I have noticed that most of the people that God really gets angry with get an early final interview. Was I you, I'd get right with Jesus and quick. It's that or Hell. Don't go there; it's too hot.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 02-17-2016, 08:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenShower View Post
I don't worship monkeys or satan, I don't worship anything for that matter. All religions are false. But here are some questions for christians
Is Anne Frank burning in hell?

How about Mahatma Gandhi?

Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?

Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?

Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?

Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?

Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?

If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?

And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?

Whose prayers does God answer?

And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?

If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?

If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?

If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?
I've got even more good news for you. LANDOVER HAS A "SEARCH" FUNCTION, AND ALL THOSE QUESTIONS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED.

Sorry to everyone else for the shouting, but Little Miss Petulance seems to be a bit on "the hard of hearing what she doesn't like" side.


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Default Re: False Religions And Cults - 02-17-2016, 10:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenShower View Post
Is Anne Frank burning in hell?
Oh yes! She was deaf to Christ's Living Word, and served her father, Satan until the very end. Jesus warned her, but she refused to take heed (John 8:44).

Quote:
How about Mahatma Gandhi?
Rat worshiping, Hindu who sought to shock decent, civilized people by lounging around in public in naught but cloth diapers? Yes. Burning. And good riddance to bad garbage, I say.

Quote:
Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?
He didn't believe in the True Jesus, but one of his imagination. Inspired by his imagination and consequent invisible, imaginary friend, he created an apostate, cafeteria Christian cult that denies God's Word on how children should treat their parents (Exodus 20:12) and the proper role of women (1 Timothy 2:12-15).

Quote:
Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?
If a man truly repents at the end of his life, he is no longer a killer. At least, God doesn't see him as that. He turns a blind eye to all sin (Isaiah 43:25).

Quote:
Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?
You seem to have a hard time with this concept. You see, the LORD doesn't care what we think. He doesn't care how we feel. He cares only what we do (Matthew 21:28-32), and the only thing He cares about us doing is accepting Christ's temporary sacrifice on our behalf. Kind-hearted atheists, sweet and devoted gay-spouses or children, tireless but non-Christian workers against oppression and tyranny, even regular-old "Joe's" have no hope for Salvation outside Christ's conditional gift of Redemption. You can read Pastor Zeke's wonderful sermon here: WITHOUT REPENTANCE, THERE IS NO SALVATION!!

Quote:
Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?
Oh yes! Everyone deserves to burn, actually. We deserve it because the LORD God Almighty created a state of existence in which mankind is to be born in a state of divine offense. You see, mankind is so offensive to His Divine Nature that He sees the unregenerated soul as no better than disgusting, filthy, menstrual rags (Isaiah 43:25). Would you hire Two Guys and a Truck to unload a pile of crusty, festering, blood soaked rags into your living room for your guests to enjoy at Christmas Dinner? Can you imagine why God Almighty Himself does not want Heaven, His Permanent Home, to be infested with unregenerated souls like that? Do you think they "deserve" to break God's Rules in His Own Home? That's disgusting. No dear, only when we accept Christ does God see the face of Christ in us, and no longer a disgusting, pile of putrid sin.

Quote:
Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?
Many people think those in Heaven will be too pre-occupied with having fun praising Jesus all the live-long day, but if you read the Holy Bible, you'll know we can stand side by side with Jesus, and laugh and laugh and laugh at them (Psalms 2:4)!

Quote:
If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?
Doctors are for dupes. Until a medical school can figure out how to thwart the evil desires of Satan, I'll take my needs to the Great Physician, thank you.

Quote:
And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?
Why do both? Only one works!

Quote:
Whose prayers does God answer?
The Righteous, of course! Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson has a wonderful sermon on this topic: Reminder: God does not hear the prayers of sinners.

Quote:
And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?
We're commanded to, dear (1 Thessalonians 5:17). As we have but one duty in this life - to obey (Ecclesiastes 12:13), then pray we shall!

Quote:
If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?
I don't believe in cancer. It's a hoax. Nothing more than a scam to get free money.

Quote:
If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?
Why not? If it is God's Will, it will be done (1 John 5:14). And why not two limbs instead? He did just that for Job - gave him twice as much as he had lost (Job 42:10). Or a bigger, better, new and improved limb? Maybe one with super powers or bionic strength? The possibilities are endless (Luke 11:9-13)!

Quote:
If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?
Why study for exams? What exams? The LORD doesn't require one to pass an exam for Salvation. Donald Trump didn't pass an exam to run for president and make everyone else look like clowns in comparison to his quick learning. Obama, on the other hand, studied for lots of exams and look where it got us today.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Proud_agnostic Proud_agnostic is offline
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Sinner Re: False Religions And Cults - 04-28-2017, 02:30 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
It is a well-known fact that atheists worship monkeys, which they beleive are their forebears. Anyone who worships animals are satan worshippers.


Proven
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Proud_agnostic Proud_agnostic is offline
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Sinner Re: False Religions And Cults - 05-03-2017, 09:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Proud_agnostic View Post


look whom'st put words down my throat to try to save their own personal agenda (Pastor Ezekiel, since it links to his page)


original proves you wrong with facts but you guys don't want that


Please don't change my post and shove words down my mouth (2X)
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Mrs. Rogers Mrs. Rogers is offline
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Default 09-19-2006, 03:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
They must not have performed the full TC™ lobotomy on you yet.
Better a lobotomy now and Heaven in the hereafter, than Helsing now and Hell singing in the hereafter.

Surely you rather be trilling with the angelic choir than warbling your way through a mouthful of Satan's shaft? I cannot believe even you would be so rebellious as to choose the latter.

Brother Remy and JonFish85 - thank you, your contributions have been added to the register (with the exception of Pennycostalism, as it is already on the list).


True Christians are Perfect!

Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.
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