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Posts: 386
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Geographical center of the Bible belt
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The rapture is starting!! -
07-08-2012, 05:31 PM
If you are a nonbeliever, this will positively convert you to the the "Truth". Most Bible believers think the rapture will be a sudden event. I have proof otherwise. It will be a gradual process, and it is beginning as I am writing. My wife and I witnessed a true miracle the other day that left both of us choked with tears of wondrous joy. We were out in the yard in our rural home, and heard an odd sound. We rushed around the barn to witness a beautiful angel in the process of rapturing our cat to heaven. The angel that was carrying "Snowball" off to heaven, was in the form of a large feathered bird with a white head and a somewhat hooked beak. It looked like the bird on the back of a quarter. Strangely, Snowball seemed reluctant to be taken to paradise. As the angel, still in the form of a beautiful bird headed off to heaven, it stopped in a large pile of sticks, in the top of a large tree, and looked back our way, as to tell us Snowball is now in a better place! What a heartwarming sight! If any of you are still doubters, a professional veterinarian also confirmed it definitely was the rapture, but he spelled it differently, raptor, but we're sure it's the same thing. Hallelujah!!!!!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 45
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: on my knees for some hairy stranger
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-08-2012, 05:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yea-tho-we-walk
If you are a nonbeliever, this will positively convert you to the the "Truth". Most Bible believers think the rapture will be a sudden event. I have proof otherwise. It will be a gradual process, and it is beginning as I am writing. My wife and I witnessed a true miracle the other day that left both of us choked with tears of wondrous joy. We were out in the yard in our rural home, and heard an odd sound. We rushed around the barn to witness a beautiful angel in the process of rapturing our cat to heaven. The angel that was carrying "Snowball" off to heaven, was in the form of a large feathered bird with a white head and a somewhat hooked beak. It looked like the bird on the back of a quarter. Strangely, Snowball seemed reluctant to be taken to paradise. As the angel, still in the form of a beautiful bird headed off to heaven, it stopped in a large pile of sticks, in the top of a large tree, and looked back our way, as to tell us Snowball is now in a better place! What a heartwarming sight! If any of you are still doubters, a professional veterinarian also confirmed it definitely was the rapture, but he spelled it differently, raptor, but we're sure it's the same thing. Hallelujah!!!!!
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Holy crap that just made me chang my evil ways............... haha no not even close that is just so stupid and so are you a bold egal just stoll your cat to eat it lol
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Baptizing vehicles for Christ Authorized True Christian™ Car Dealer
True Christian™
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Posts: 204
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: God's favorite Dealership
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-08-2012, 05:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelife
Holy crap that just made me chang my evil ways............... haha no not even close that is just so stupid and so are you a bold egal just stoll your cat to eat it lol
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Christ could come down to earth himself again and you'd still deny him.
THIS PLACE RESERVED FOR SCRIPTURE!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 305
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Virginia
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-08-2012, 05:57 PM
Oh happy day indeed! I cannot wait to be raptured by an angel as well. Please tell us how big the angel was? As I am a bit of a hefty guy I may need more than one to lift me up.
Genesis 4:12: When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.
Numbers 35:19: The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer: when he meeteth him, he shall slay him.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-08-2012, 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yea-tho-we-walk
If you are a nonbeliever, this will positively convert you to the the "Truth". Most Bible believers think the rapture will be a sudden event. I have proof otherwise. It will be a gradual process, and it is beginning as I am writing. My wife and I witnessed a true miracle the other day that left both of us choked with tears of wondrous joy. We were out in the yard in our rural home, and heard an odd sound. We rushed around the barn to witness a beautiful angel in the process of rapturing our cat to heaven. The angel that was carrying "Snowball" off to heaven, was in the form of a large feathered bird with a white head and a somewhat hooked beak. It looked like the bird on the back of a quarter. Strangely, Snowball seemed reluctant to be taken to paradise. As the angel, still in the form of a beautiful bird headed off to heaven, it stopped in a large pile of sticks, in the top of a large tree, and looked back our way, as to tell us Snowball is now in a better place! What a heartwarming sight! If any of you are still doubters, a professional veterinarian also confirmed it definitely was the rapture, but he spelled it differently, raptor, but we're sure it's the same thing. Hallelujah!!!!!
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Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-08-2012, 08:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelife
Holy crap that just made me chang my evil ways............... haha no not even close that is just so stupid and so are you a bold egal just stoll your cat to eat it lol
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Good grief!
If proof be need be it is here, yet still you deny Jesus His rightful place as creator of us all.
Unbelievable
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-09-2012, 06:49 AM
Well this is terrific news! I'd been told by some of the people here that my beloved cat does not have a soul, and that I therefore can't look forward to having him in Heaven with me. I now feel very hopeful that perhaps we will be together for eternity after all.
Does anybody have any idea how I can determine whether my cat is saved? I do read the Bible to him fairly often, but it's hard to know how much of it is sinking in.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-09-2012, 06:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Well this is terrific news! I'd been told by some of the people here that my beloved cat does not have a soul, and that I therefore can't look forward to having him in Heaven with me. I now feel very hopeful that perhaps we will be together for eternity after all.
Does anybody have any idea how I can determine whether my cat is saved? I do read the Bible to him fairly often, but it's hard to know how much of it is sinking in.
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I understand that the same test used for witches can be used for cats.
You tie it up in a bag and throw it in the river. If it floats, it's a witch (or an evil witch's familiar). If it sinks, it's a normal Christian woman (or a normal cat).
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 864
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Following God's commands - including the 'difficult' ones.
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-09-2012, 10:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
I understand that the same test used for witches can be used for cats.
You tie it up in a bag and throw it in the river. If it floats, it's a witch (or an evil witch's familiar). If it sinks, it's a normal Christian woman (or a normal cat).
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Thank-you for your advice Reverend. I feel comforted that my recently drowned cat was not a witch as my wife suggested. It's four hours in the prayer closet for her
Exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
YIC
Genesis 7:5
And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.
John 8:32
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 386
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Geographical center of the Bible belt
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-09-2012, 06:41 PM
I feel that my home schooling is really starting to kick into high gear! I believe that the human rapture is less than four months away, because the rapture of my puddy kat went much more smoothly than my poodle's did about four months ago. The Angels that will be rapturing humans are midway between us and God, so some of them possibly could be mildly retarded. The Angels have been honing their rapture skills on our pets for about a year or so now to get things perfect when it is time for us. Just about four months ago, I tied my precious white poodle 'Scruffy' out when I went to walmart and returned to find that most of him had been raptured. The Angels, still practicing, took about eighty percent of my poodle, leaving a lot of fur, blood in the snow, several small bones and of course his collar. I feel that they have it just about perfected, so it will soon be our turn to get caught up and finally meet Jesus in the clouds! Just in case any atheists doubt the unfolding, imminent rapture, I can provide photographic proof by posting several photos of the scene in the snow where Scruffy was caught up by Angels.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-09-2012, 07:05 PM
A word of caution, friend: The Bible says nobody will know the day or time of the Rapture's coming!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Unsaved trash, godless mary-worshiper
Under Investigation
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Posts: 15
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Praying to statues of Mary
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-16-2012, 04:49 PM
In history many people have been taken to haven. The first was ever virgin Mary. There also have been some other virgins, some monks and a few Catholic bishops. But a animal? I think you was just trunk!
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Honorary True Christian™
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Re: The rapture is starting!! -
07-16-2012, 05:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vincenz
In history many people have been taken to haven. The first was ever virgin Mary. There also have been some other virgins, some monks and a few Catholic bishops.
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Can you show any evidence of these Papist lies in the Bible?
And can you explain how Jesus had brothers if Mary remained a virgin?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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