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Default URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-23-2015, 10:35 PM

Dear friends, I know you are as alarmed as I am about the following abominable development:

Weirdo Venice Beach City Council votes to let shameless hussies display their naked breasts in public



Quote:
The Venice Neighborhood Council, in a resounding 12-2 vote, approved the allowance of female topless bathing at legendary Venice Beach.

The council expressed that it “supports women being afforded the same rights as men to sunbathe topless.”

According to the Los Angeles Times, the Tuesday meeting focused on the issue, and the council concluded that the neighborhood is a “safe haven for liberal views and free expression.” The Los Angeles City Council and Mayor Eric Garcetti will have the final say in the matter.

Melissa Diner, a Venice Neighborhood Council community officer who sponsored the resolution, explained that “It’s an equality issue. There’s a conversation we’re trying to start… What do you want to see on Venice Beach?”

The more liberal regulation of sunbathing attire is in lockstep with the city’s historic European roots. Venice, founded by Abbot Kinney at the turn of the 20th century, was built on reclaimed marshland. Venice of America was a planned community constructed in the style of the Venetian Renaissance, replete with canals serpentining their way throughout the city.

The Venice Neighborhood Council aims to make it easier for women to bare their breasts rather than having to journey overseas to the Italian Riviera.

The current Los Angeles Municipal Code, which prohibits topless sunbathing reads:

No person shall appear, bathe, sunbathe, walk or be in any public park, playground, beach or the waters adjacent thereto, in such a manner that the genitals, vulva, pubis, pubic symphysis, pubic hair, buttock, natal cleft, perineum, anus, anal region, or pubic hair region of any such person, or any portion of the breast at or below the upper edge of the areola thereof of any such female person, is exposed to public view or is not covered by an opaque covering.

This is disgusting. I can't even begin to count the number of Biblical instructions that are being violated. We can start with 1 Timothy 2:9 and go from there.

And I know you want me there, rebuking these women, just as much as I want to be there.

The only problem is, I just got done paying my 2014 income taxes, so I'm a bit strapped for cash at the moment.

I figure I'll need about $300 for gas money to get the Faith Mobile there. Please don't worry about accommodations, as I am perfectly happy to sleep in my van.

This is urgent, though. Let's not let another day pass without me being on the scene, making those whores feel uncomfortable.


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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-24-2015, 12:09 AM

Faith--It occurred to me that several men from Landover Baptist might go on this mission as well. The more who hiss at the nudes the more souls will be saved.

This is the kind of mission Pastor Zeke specializes in. Perhaps Landover Baptist would fund an outdoor service where Zeke would deliver one of his trade marked soul-saving sermons.

I'm not criticizing your mission--just trying to make it better.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-24-2015, 08:26 AM

We need all the help we can get down there, Mayor Joe Hold!

And I pray Pastor Zeke will be able to answer a practical question that I have.

While the following verse is about the Lord's wrath toward Nineveh, I feel it is also clearly telling us that we are to punish harlots by pulling their skirts up over their faces, exposing their breasts, showing everybody their nakedness, and pelting them with feces:

Quote:
Nahum 3:5-6

5 Behold, I am against thee, saith the Lord of hosts; and I will discover thy skirts upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame.

6 And I will cast abominable filth upon thee, and make thee vile, and will set thee as a gazingstock.

Now, my question is, practically speaking, how do we do this if they are already laying on the beach, wearing nothing but a bikini bottom, with no skirts anywhere in sight?

Should we bring skirts of our own and ambush them?


Or does God want us to jump right to the part where we smear feces on their faces?


Please tell Pastor Zeke I need an answer soon, as I have been driving all night, and I anticipate being in Venice Beach before dawn.


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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-24-2015, 11:22 AM

I volunteer my services to minister to the topless and Godless. But Faith Machine, we need to put a cap on this operation. We don't want the ratio of Christian preachers to Godless hussies to become too high. It could make them uncomfortable.


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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-24-2015, 07:35 PM

The hussies or the preachers? I want those slatterns to be made uncomfortable!



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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-25-2015, 12:53 AM

As a True Christian™ Pastor, I feel that it is my duty to personally oversee the rebuking that is needed in this situation. PRAYER is what is called for here. These harlots are all going to serve as satan's nymphettes unless I intervene immediately.

As you know, this is a subject that I have had a deep interest in for some time. I have an incredible amount of expertise when it comes to getting naked harlots on their knees for Jesus. Leave everything to me.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-25-2015, 01:44 AM

You better get here soon Pastor Zeke, as I have already commenced field operations. I pray you won't think I went off half-cocked!


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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-25-2015, 03:56 AM

My husband and I are flying along. He wants me to come to help the women dress into proper outfits so that they are suitable to be in the presence of Christian men. He said I'm to stay in the hotel room with the women and help them get ready. As a clearly heterosexual Christian pregnant lady, he sees no harm in me helping them get ready. And I'm packing my favorite rod while I type this...


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-25-2015, 08:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
We need all the help we can get down there, Mayor Joe Hold!

And I pray Pastor Zeke will be able to answer a practical question that I have.

While the following verse is about the Lord's wrath toward Nineveh, I feel it is also clearly telling us that we are to punish harlots by pulling their skirts up over their faces, exposing their breasts, showing everybody their nakedness, and pelting them with feces:




Now, my question is, practically speaking, how do we do this if they are already laying on the beach, wearing nothing but a bikini bottom, with no skirts anywhere in sight?

Should we bring skirts of our own and ambush them?


Or does God want us to jump right to the part where we smear feces on their faces?


Please tell Pastor Zeke I need an answer soon, as I have been driving all night, and I anticipate being in Venice Beach before dawn.
I think you're onto something there Brother Faith. The Bible(KJV1611) clearly states that God wants women clothed - He went out of His way to ensure that (it reminds me that that fig leaf stuff was probably done by some papist inspired artist). This occurred right after the Sin of Eve (that we are all still living with).

Quote:
Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.
- Genesis 3:21
I think we can conclude that we have to clothe them first, and then expose them.


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brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: URGENT FUNDING NEED: Send me to Venice so I can rebuke topless sunbathers! - 04-25-2015, 10:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
My husband and I are flying along. He wants me to come to help the women dress into proper outfits so that they are suitable to be in the presence of Christian men. He said I'm to stay in the hotel room with the women and help them get ready. As a clearly heterosexual Christian pregnant lady, he sees no harm in me helping them get ready. And I'm packing my favorite rod while I type this...
Why, Mrs. Johnson, I had not realized you were with child! Tell me, do you plan to do any suitably modest sun bathing of your own? Why, I'll bet you're positively radiant.

If Mr. Johnson desires that you have a chaperone while sun bathing, I should be most happy to oblige.


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