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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
01-11-2009, 05:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha
For a modest fee, one of our Pastors will come and help.
You could get Baptized, drowned and Saved all at the same time
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Thank you Sister. You may have helped find the final solution to the goth problem!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 33
Join Date: Jan 2009
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
01-11-2009, 07:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
So you are a total failure then?
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I do believe that I have already told you that my parents stopped me. Read the thread before posting why don't you?
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
01-11-2009, 07:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by potophan
[...]I tried to drown myself, thank you very much!
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Look, I hate to see a life wasted. How about we insure your life for $Million with Landover as benefactors? Please supply a full medical history and a date by which we might see a return; our joo accountants will do the rest.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
01-11-2009, 07:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by potophan
I tried to drown myself, thank you very much!
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
01-11-2009, 08:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by potophan
I do believe that I have already told you that my parents stopped me. Read the thread before posting why don't you?
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Exactly. You failed to accomplish your goal of drowning yourself.
Perhaps as Sister BTB has suggested, you should have a Pastor help!
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 41
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Meet Christian Singles
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
01-12-2009, 10:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV
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well if it ain't sweet Susie-Sue posting all hungover again..... it's a beautiful thing honeybun, cuz I'm well hung and all over you.
Vinnie ain't never gonna judge you, my lil souse.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 8
Join Date: Jan 2015
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
02-19-2015, 07:28 AM
What the actual piffle is wrong with you? I swear you people are the stupidest mofos I've ever met. You know, you guys are damn pathetic. You don't know anything!!! You people need a damn mental institution. Whoever made this forum really needs one. God, you are the definition of creep. I hope Stephen King puts you in one of his books making you die.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: MAGA Country, USA
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
02-19-2015, 07:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by CiaLoy
What the actual piffle is wrong with you? I swear you people are the stupidest mofos I've ever met. You know, you guys are damn pathetic. You don't know anything!!! You people need a damn mental institution. Whoever made this forum really needs one. God, you are the definition of creep. I hope Stephen King puts you in one of his books making you die.
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Look pumpkin, we have observed that Emu's are too stupid to cut themselves enough to produce a mortal wound. Being more intelligent than your kind, we kindly made this particular thread in order to teach you how to do the job right. You should be thanking us.
Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
02-19-2015, 07:49 PM
Behold the Atheist and the persecution of Christians!
Quote:
Originally Posted by CiaLoy
What the actual piffle is wrong with you? I swear you people are the stupidest mofos I've ever met. You know, you guys are damn pathetic. You don't know anything!!! You people need a damn mental institution. Whoever made this forum really needs one. God, you are the definition of creep. I hope Stephen King puts you in one of his books making you die.
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Despite your being rejected by Christ, I will pray fro you (although some might see it as a futile gesture.)
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 218
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Opening myself to Christ
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
05-27-2015, 07:10 PM
Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
05-27-2015, 07:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Regis Alexandrus
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My dear, you need to understand that pain is not the objective during the Biblically Approved™ punishment procedures. Rather, pain is the means to achieve the objective of eternal Salvation.
A loving father beats his children every evening:
Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 23:13-14
13 Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
The beating may seem harsh, but the objective justifies the means:
Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Dumb children can be made into smart ones just by beating:
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left [to himself] bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness [is] bound in the heart of a child; [but] the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Therefore, it is an obligation of a parent to train up a child:
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Hence, the emo kids should be beaten not to make them feel pain, just to beat the emo stupidity out of them.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 218
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Opening myself to Christ
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
05-27-2015, 08:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
My dear, you need to understand that pain is not the objective during the Biblically Approved™ punishment procedures. Rather, pain is the means to achieve the objective of eternal Salvation.
A loving father beats his children every evening:
Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 23:13-14
13 Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
The beating may seem harsh, but the objective justifies the means:
Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Dumb children can be made into smart ones just by beating:
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left [to himself] bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness [is] bound in the heart of a child; [but] the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Therefore, it is an obligation of a parent to train up a child:
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Hence, the emo kids should be beaten not to make them feel pain, just to beat the emo stupidity out of them.
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True, but I feel as though they need to stop complaining about suffering when they have barely felt any. They are worse thst children havinh tantrums.
Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
Last edited by Regis Alexandrus; 05-27-2015 at 08:39 PM.
Reason: I had to correct a typo
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
05-28-2015, 01:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
My dear, you need to understand that pain is not the objective during the Biblically Approved™ punishment procedures. Rather, pain is the means to achieve the objective of eternal Salvation.
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Indeed, Sister. Very true. It brings me no real pleasure to march my children out to the Giving Tree for them to break off a switch. It gives me no pleasure to march them to their father to take responsibility for their sin. It gives me no pleasure to deny them the soothing balm or supportive word that would lend relief to their welts and comfort to their souls. It gives me no pleasure to watch them as they stand in humiliation, confessing their sins to their father and the pastor, in detail, how they may have felt, who else they can implicate, or how private the act. It gives me no pleasure to see their little eyes gloss over like dolls' eyes when their father comes home, knowing he will not tolerate misbehavior. It gives me no pleasure to my flesh, but my spirit rejoices, for each strike they receive against flesh and spirit is one more lesson they've learned about obedience and servitude. This alone is what the LORD requires of them. This is what it means to accept Christ Jesus as LORD.
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God, and keep his commandments:
for this is the whole duty of man.
Ecclesiastes 12:13
Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words:
and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
John 14:23
But whosoever shall deny me before men,
him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 10:33
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
05-28-2015, 02:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Regis Alexandrus
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Emos achieve profound sexual release while being tortured; it's not a pretty sight, trust me.
If you really want to torment an emo or goth into submission so that you can preach the Living Word™ to them, then refuse to funnel molten wax into their expectant anuses. That'll get their attention.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 218
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Opening myself to Christ
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
05-28-2015, 08:55 PM
Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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Unsaved trash, obese perverted whore
Under Investigation
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Posts: 16
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: on my knees for a stranger in a public toilet
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
06-14-2015, 05:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
Only the Lord knows why we haven't discovered this cure for Emoism sooner!
1. Cut off the electrical cord from an old toaster, lamp, or other gizmo.
2. Separate the two wires and strip off a few inches of insulation.
3. Tape one wire to your Left wrist and one to your Right wrist.
4. Plug it in!
PS Remember to write your pathetic, self absorbed suicide note!
PS PS Be kind and put some plastic on the floor to contain your mess!
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That is murder and that is a sin read the commandments !!! so much sickness in this thread
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
06-14-2015, 06:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lcole91
That is murder and that is a sin read the commandments !!! so much sickness in this thread
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Murder is defined as killing a fellow Christian. Killing goths, witches, atheists, queers and other vile scum is hardly murder. If God orders it, it's not murder.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash, obese perverted whore
Under Investigation
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Posts: 16
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: on my knees for a stranger in a public toilet
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
06-14-2015, 06:48 AM
oh wow you have lost your noodles , murder is murder that dont justify it , if you murder anyone you will be a sinner no matter what thats that
Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done
abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
06-14-2015, 07:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lcole91
oh wow you have lost your noodles , murder is murder that dont justify it , if you murder anyone you will be a sinner no matter what thats that
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Oh really? Remember in '04 (on "mother's day", incidentally) when Jesus told Dianna Laney to smash in her young childrens' heads with a rock?
Her actions were sanctioned by The Lord, and cannot be considered murder, as she was merely acting as an instrument of His will. In fact, she was even acquitted by a secular jury.
Praise Jesus for rewarding her steadfast obedience.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 17
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: in a cave with my coven
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Re: The EMO Cure! -
06-24-2015, 06:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer
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Oh? Is that like when Albert Fish claimed God told him to kidnap children, rape them, and eat them?
Jesus did not tell any psychotic lady to kill her kids. How can you believe that? Honestly, how can you? I want to know because I'm dumbfound.
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