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Unsaved trash, suspected drunk papist
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Posts: 38
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Godless Ireland
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
01-28-2011, 11:09 PM
I am a perfect Christian and am going to Heaven! Praise Jesus!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 7
Join Date: Jan 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
01-29-2011, 02:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by
[LEFT
Results[/LEFT]
If you scored 0 - 99 .... YOU ARE GOING TO HELL! God sees no difference between a filthy atheist who has committed great sins throughout his life and a false "Christian" who has followed most of God's law, but not all. If you score below 100, then that means you are not following all of God's Word and are therefore hellbound.
If you scored 100 ... YOU ARE GOING TO HEAVEN! Congratulations! You will join us all at Landover Baptist Church sitting at the right hand of Jesus for eternity! GLORY!
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This is a joke, right? xD
Half of these questions are things that any normal priest will tell you isn't very good...
God doesn't hate anything, at all. He loves us all even when we don't deserve it, and he suffers for us.
He doesn't hate shrimp or figs either. Think and use that brain that God gave you.
If God hated figs and shrimp, why put them here? o.o
He also says that we are ALL his children and that we are ALL equal and that we should accept people and help them, not discriminate and kill.
A good Christian doesn't hate the world, they help it! Duh.
We are taught love and respect.
All of this hate and discrimination isn't very good at all.
I pray for you.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
01-29-2011, 02:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satire
This is a joke, right? xD
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Asked by someone calling herself "Satire". There is nothing funny about trying to get into Heaven. Only few people will go to Heaven, most will go to Hell!
Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 228
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Heaven Bound
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
01-29-2011, 02:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satire
... any normal priest...
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As if there were such a thing...
Psalm 109:8
Let his days be few; and let another take his office.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:06 PM
Oh ma word, I am SO proud. I knew all this prayin and 'opin would get me somewhere. I got little ol' me 166!!! i hope that those 66 don't make 666, cos then i might fall into Satan's Arms!!!! I'll be praying for you all tonight, and I'll make sure that Sarah, the love of my life and partner for 15 years will be praying with me too. That's ok with y'all, right?
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:08 PM
Can I support Obama and be a good Christian?
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 3
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:11 PM
No Nigel, that's just plain wrong. I'd post a bible verse, but that'd be too good for you. Jesus has no compassion in his heart for sinners like you.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Euphenia
No Nigel, that's just plain wrong. I'd post a bible verse, but that'd be too good for you. Jesus has no compassion in his heart for sinners like you.
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Jesus loves Obama. As the Holy Bible decrees, negroes were invented to serve the white man, so he is our servant in the white house. If I wanted him to clean my rat's faeces up, God would get him to come round to do it any day.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nigel 88
Jesus loves Obama. As the Holy Bible decrees, negroes were invented to serve the white man, so he is our servant in the white house. If I wanted him to clean my rat's faeces up, God would get him to come round to do it any day.
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The only respect I have for Obama, is that he loves homosexuals as much as me. Less respect than i've got for youself.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Euphenia
The only respect I have for Obama, is that he loves homosexuals as much as me. Less respect than i've got for youself.
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God will throw you, Ann Coulter and your homosexual jewish terrorist assailants to the devil and his thousand hellish spider monkeys, while myself, Obama and Michael Moore will sit at God's right hand, using his omnipotent power to revive the Soviet Union, Communist Cuba and Fascist Italy and ordain Mussolini, Stalin and Che Guevara as leaders of a new global baptist christian autocracy under god's celestial guidance.
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,677
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A frictional country
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 06:56 PM
Are you kids done yet? Don't you have stuff to learn in Sheffield?
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open
Are you kids done yet? Don't you have stuff to learn in Sheffield?
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I know not of what you speak. Learning is for heathen intellectual academics. You should know this. The only real learning is learning through God our almighty. You should also know this. Or are you a negroe-hating atheist as well?
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 18
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 09:14 PM
Jesus is always in favour of free speech is he not? Then why silence so many? Who are you to delineate who shall go to heaven and who shall burn in hell? Only God can do this.
I need not respect my 'superiors' as there are no superiors in the eyes of God. Christianity is about the equality of all men and women, black or white, rich or poor. You must learn this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_socialists
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,742
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 09:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Nigel 88
Jesus is always in favour of free speech is he not?
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No.
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Then why silence so many?
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They speak against God.
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Who are you to delineate who shall go to heaven and who shall burn in hell? Only God can do this.
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I think God made it clear enough who shall enter heaven.
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I need not respect my 'superiors' as there are no superiors in the eyes of God.
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Is that why He mentioned so many Kings and why He advises on servants and slaves?
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Christianity is about the equality of all men and women, black or white, rich or poor.
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You are deluded.
I never read anything with the word "socialist" in it.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 10:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
No.
They speak against God.
I think God made it clear enough who shall enter heaven.
Is that why He mentioned so many Kings and why He advises on servants and slaves?
You are deluded.
I never read anything with the word "socialist" in it.
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All are equal in the eyes of God, even those who purport to represent him as they oppress the poor.
Maybe you should try reading Das Kapital, it's like the Bible except more theoretically advanced. Marx had a good idea what the ideal Christian society would look like, with communal ownership of the means of production and distribution from each according to his ability to each according to his need.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,742
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-21-2011, 10:57 PM
I remember this quote from Marx, "Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included."
Which amused me.
And I remember this one, "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people."
So you are suggesting that Marx was a drug dealer? Doesn't surprise me, atheists have no moral compass.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Feb 2011
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-22-2011, 02:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
I remember this quote from Marx, "Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included."
Which amused me.
And I remember this one, "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people."
So you are suggesting that Marx was a drug dealer? Doesn't surprise me, atheists have no moral compass.
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Ah but this was the problem for Marx, though he wouldn't admit it himself. His ideology was a religion similar to Christianity - it had its own internal moral system, its own culture, its own set of commandments and its own deified figures (Lenin, Mao, Trotsky, etc). The Communist Manifesto was the Communist equivalent of the Bible, and heaven is the Christian equivalent of the Communist society - where the angelic proletariat live an (after)life of eternal bounty and happiness. The evil bourgeoisie are sent to eternal damnation, as in the Christian concept of hell. You can see the various similarities, they are not as different as you would like to think.
I'm not entirely sure what to make of your comment regarding women, of course Marx had similarly sexist views to those expressed by the majority of European society in the 1800s. Do you think we should have similar views in modern society?
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-25-2011, 12:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nigel 88
I'm not entirely sure what to make of your comment regarding women, of course Marx had similarly sexist views to those expressed by the majority of European society in the 1800s. Do you think we should have similar views in modern society?
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Dear Friend,
It is hardly sexist to note that there are ugly women in Europe. In fact, of any statement not contained in the KJV, of this I am most certain.
Yours in Him,
BAB <------ Fabled Ladies Man!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 218
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Glasscock, TX
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-26-2011, 05:51 PM
Finally! A quiz I cans pass with flyin' colors!
This is wut they should be teachin' our kids in skhool. No maths quizzes, no siunce tests, no mexicany jibber jabber, just JESUS!
JESUS ALL DAY LONG till them eyes bleed out! BOO-YAH!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 178
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ori-gone
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Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever -
02-27-2011, 08:02 PM
I almost got a 99 =(
I was thrown off by the question "Can a 90 year old woman get pregnant" and I almost answered maybe.. but then I remembered that if God can make a virgin pregnant then he can most definitely make a 90 year old woman pregnant. Praise Jesus I got a 100, now I don't have to worry about going to hell.
Only 2 in all of history have died for freedom all over the world... Jesus Christ and the American soldier.
Last edited by Jerakk; 02-27-2011 at 08:03 PM.
Reason: Typo - was distracted reading my KJV
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