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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Default Hello - 09-22-2006, 11:50 PM

I suppose I should probably introduce myself, having registered and begun posting and whatnot. My name is Zephania Birch, second cousin to the late Havelock Birch, who saw the Light of Christ some two or three years ago now, and was responsible for the entire Birch family's conversion to Ture Christianity™, save for a few who were disowned and summirarily executed, as the LORD God commanded in His law.

Havelock, and my brother Ezekiel (not to be confused with Landover's very own Pastor Ezekiel) died n tragic circumstances earlier this month whilst preaching the word of the LORD outside a Mudslum hellhole "mosque" in our native Britain. Havelock was struck on the back of the head with a huge copy of the Q'ran thrown by a ghastly looking Mudslum preacher from an upper window, before Ezekiel, unable to properly defend himself thanks to the liberal homer gun control laws of this God-forsaken country, was tied down and stoned to death by the rabid members of the mosque-cult who reportedly shouted "How dare you enter a Muslim area!" whilst burning images of Jesus and sodomizing each other.

By the time members of the Ministry of Religious Intelligence had arrived, not much remained of the two bodies (as they had been stripped to the bone and cannibalised by the brutal mudslum homer terrorists). A small private funeral was held for them both before we returned to the mosque to torch this vile affront to God in the name of His son, Jesus Christ.

I discovered this forum purely by accident whilst checking through my brother's computer memory earlier this week, and I have decided that since my brother and cousin are now with Jesus thanks to the Landover Baptist Church, I should register and post here in order aknowledge the service this Church has done my family by leading us to JESUS and salvation, and to aid in the teaching of the works of the LORD our God to the unsaved masses.
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Default 09-23-2006, 12:37 AM

Salutations Brother Zephaniah! Welcome to our Church's forum!

It is sad to hear that your family members were brutally murdered by towel-heads, but it comes as no surprise from those murderous moon worshippers. They died in service of the Lord, and thus they are in Heaven with Him. I trust that you will become a tithing Baptist member here in no time flat! Praise!



Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
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Default 09-23-2006, 01:50 AM

Welcome Brother! I am sure we all join you in rejoicing that your family members are currently enjoying the Eternal Barbecue in Heaven with our Saviour. The blood-curdling screams eminating from hell surely provide the sweetest background music imaginable, while they feast on succulent babyback ribs.

Please continue to read through these Godly threads, and when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, jump in with both feet, wielding the mighty sword of Jesus. GLORY!!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default 09-23-2006, 02:37 AM

Your family sounds like a fine clan and I am pleased to hear that your brother and cousin found their way into the ONE TRUE FAITH™ before meeting their fates at the hand of those Godless sand negras. Surely they are enjoying a good laugh with The Lord™ while watching the faithless wallow in the lake of fire. Marshmallows are no doubt being toasted.
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Default 09-23-2006, 04:15 AM

Welcome Brother! Judging by what you have posted thus far, I'm sure you will be an excellent addition to His forums.
And don't worry about your family, Jesus smiled when those sand-nigras killed them.

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints."
Psalm 116:15


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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