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I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 02:46 PM
Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.
It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.
I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.
I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.
How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 02:56 PM
I noticed it from up in my pulpit, brother, but wasn't going to say anything about it. Very impressive by the way.
It must have been embarrassing to have your erection seen by thousands on the church Jumbo tron©.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 03:49 PM
It's just not the image that I want to portray when I'm at church.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 04:44 PM
I noticed you fidgeting with something, but I couldn't tell what. I assumed it was a church bulletin or hymnal.
I'm sorry to find out that it was indeed an erection, and I will pray that GOD helps you overcome the temptation to have bodily functions in church.
The concern here is not only that you had an erection, but that you fell asleep to begin with. Was Pastor Zeke's sermon that boring?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 04:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God
Was Pastor Zeke's sermon that boring?
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I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 05:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.
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Indeed, the Song of Solomon definitely has that effect on a person. I oftentimes feel a stirring in my loins whilst I read. I'm certain that God means for this to happen, I believe it's the Holy Spirit physically moving in me since I have no control over "the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same," but! "the LORD's name is to be praised." I'd suggest to be more prepared when you know Pastor Ezekiel will be preaching on the Song of Solomon. As a fellow man, I know nothing can stop the erection during the sermon, it's just not possible. I do sometimes intentionally keep my Bible opened on my lap during the service, and then if the erection is still there at the end of the service, I just fold my suit coat over my arm so that it covers the front of me. It doesn't have to be embarrassing. I'm certainly surprised that you managed to fall asleep during the sermon. I felt the Holy Spirit moving through me from the moment I saw the bulletin with Pastor Ezekiel's sermon title.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13
Run to the KJV1611!
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 05:59 PM
My father didn't allow me to read what is in this thread but he told me to say that I am no longer allowed to sit on Nobar's lap and listen to his stories. This makes me a little sad, since his stories are very big and always give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.
I Jesus!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 07:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I was preaching on the Song of Solomon, usually a real crowd pleaser. My sermons often produce erections in healthy Christian men.
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Thats such a sex aspiring book of the Bible.
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True Christian™ Officer of THE Law
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-01-2010, 07:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity
My father didn't allow me to read what is in this thread but he told me to say that I am no longer allowed to sit on Nobar's lap and listen to his stories. This makes me a little sad, since his stories are very big and always give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.
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OUT!
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-04-2010, 10:03 PM
Brother Nobar, was that you?
I saw a video on YouTube of an older gentleman wrestling with something in his pants while at church, but his face wasn't visible.
They've since taken it down.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-05-2010, 09:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.
It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.
I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.
I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.
How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?
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It takes courage to come out and tell us about this situation. Remember, do what is right for Him. God will be proud of you.
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-06-2010, 12:06 AM
Brother Nobar the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had my wife on one side and Sister Thumper on the other side. Pastor Zeke was in the middle of a thunderous sermon on the evils of slutty females when it just happened. I could not get up and I did not want the Ladies to see my boner so I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Re: I had an erection in church -
05-06-2010, 07:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Brother Nobar the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had my wife on one side and Sister Thumper on the other side. Pastor Zeke was in the middle of a thunderous sermon on the evils of slutty females when it just happened. I could not get up and I did not want the Ladies to see my boner so I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!
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Brother, as surely as GOD was elated and thrilled by the suffering His son experienced while being impaled on the cross, so too is He pleased at the physical suffering you have endured for His sake.
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-08-2010, 07:22 PM
The openness of this church amazes me. We're not even allowed to talk about penis in the church or any other sexual related things. I see the difference here. You're really seeking the Word of God together and encouraging each other to walk the righteous way. So inspiring.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-08-2010, 07:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unworthy
The openness of this church amazes me. We're not even allowed to talk about penis in the church or any other sexual related things. I see the difference here. You're really seeking the Word of God together and encouraging each other to walk the righteous way. So inspiring.
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Well Pastor Zeke encourages us to open ourselves to The Lord. Sometimes it can be a real face full but in intimation of Him we take it in.
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-08-2010, 10:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unworthy
The openness of this church amazes me. We're not even allowed to talk about penis in the church or any other sexual related things. I see the difference here. You're really seeking the Word of God together and encouraging each other to walk the righteous way. So inspiring.
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You will find nothing but loving and caring folks here.
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-09-2010, 12:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.
It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.
I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.
I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.
How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?
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Brother Nobar King never be ashamed to stand up for Jesus, your body is your temple and Holy Spirit resides within. Your post reminds me of one of my favourite hymns.
1. Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
ye soldiers of the cross;
lift high his royal banner,
it must not suffer loss.
From victory unto victory
his army shall he lead,
till every foe is vanquished,
and Christ is Lord indeed.
2. Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
the trumpet call obey;
forth to the mighty conflict,
in this his glorious day.
Ye that are brave now serve him
against unnumbered foes;
let courage rise with danger,
and strength to strength oppose.
3. Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
stand in his strength alone;
the arm of flesh will fail you,
ye dare not trust your own.
Put on the gospel armor,
each piece put on with prayer;
where duty calls or danger,
be never wanting there.
4. Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
the strife will not be long;
this day the noise of battle,
the next the victor's song.
To those who vanquish evil
a crown of life shall be;
they with the King of Glory
shall reign eternally.
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-09-2010, 12:34 AM
Qute an inspiring hymn Master Gordon.
I also had an erection in a Baptist Church in Australia. The preacher was shouting the sacred text, "Being rooted and grounded in love."
Was it Abraham or someone else who "spilt his seed upon the ground"? I will seek to find this text in the KJV.
I'm not sure it is alright by the Lord for there to be spilt seed in the church but it might be.
Riding the Highway to Heaven on a Harley
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-09-2010, 12:44 AM
I sought and it was found praise the LORD. I apologise that it was not Abraham that came on the ground, it was Onan. Please forgive me. Thank you.
Genesis 38:6f KJV: "And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar. And Er was wicked and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, 'Go in unto thy brother's wife and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother... And it came to pass, that when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother."
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Re: I had an erection in church -
06-09-2010, 12:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint Clem
Qute an inspiring hymn Master Gordon.
I also had an erection in a Baptist Church in Australia. The preacher was shouting the sacred text, "Being rooted and grounded in love."
Was it Abraham or someone else who "spilt his seed upon the ground"? I will seek to find this text in the KJV.
I'm not sure it is alright by the Lord for there to be spilt seed in the church but it might be.
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The Earth is a Church for True Believers, so if it is good enough for Abraham to spill his seed upon the Earth then it is good enough for me.
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