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Default How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-21-2006, 09:22 PM

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

A good Wife KNOWS her place!

And remember, a good spanking or slap upside of the head maybe required to keep her in line.



Ladies, please post your ideas and comments on what makes YOU a good True Christian™ Wife.

Helpful, Sister Thumper




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Default 09-21-2006, 10:22 PM

I agree BTB. If there's something this tree-hugger can do well is please her man. I love to spoil my man (if I had one ) and serve him on hand and foot. There's nothing more pleasing than seeing your man happy.

Moon


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonFlower View Post
I agree BTB. If there's something this tree-hugger can do well is please her man. I love to spoil my man (if I had one ) and serve him on hand and foot. There's nothing more pleasing than seeing your man happy.

Moon
You have the right attitude. Now all you need to do is shave your legs and armpits and start tithing to Landover.


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:36 AM

Like I've said a million and one times before...I SHAVE ALL MY BODY HAIR (except for my head) TO PREVENT FLEAS. And, just in case you haven'ty heard...I TITHE TO LANDOVER EVERY SUNDAY (if not Pa'daddy will come to my Sycamore and beat me silly).

So, now that I tithe AND shave, what's my next move Mikey? I'm already going to start my Bible Studies® and Healings® with Lar baby.

Moon


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonFlower View Post
Like I've said a million and one times before...I SHAVE ALL MY BODY HAIR (except for my head) TO PREVENT FLEAS. And, just in case you haven'ty heard...I TITHE TO LANDOVER EVERY SUNDAY (if not Pa'daddy will come to my Sycamore and beat me silly).

So, now that I tithe AND shave, what's my next move Mikey? I'm already going to start my Bible Studies® and Healings® with Lar baby.

Moon
Get a proper job and tithe more. It creeps me out knowing that you live in the woods like a jungle monkey.


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:49 AM

Sorry Mikey. The last thing I wanna do is creep anyone out. I'm trying to see if anyone needs someone that's going to mainatin the house for them. I'm hoping Lar baby or BJ will hire me...they'd be really good bosses and they're very patient with me.

I'll get a job Mikey, but then what??

Moon


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonFlower View Post
Sorry Mikey. The last thing I wanna do is creep anyone out. I'm trying to see if anyone needs someone that's going to mainatin the house for them. I'm hoping Lar baby or BJ will hire me...they'd be really good bosses and they're very patient with me.

I'll get a job Mikey, but then what??

Moon
REPENT™ from your wiccan ways and accept JESUS into your life and become a True Christian™. Then find ways to tithe more to Landover Baptist.


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:54 AM

Despite all the patience you have obviously been shown, Moon..
You still spit in the face of Jesus?!

You're lucky I don't live in Freehold (as of yet) or I would have dragged you by-the-hair back to good Pastor Al!

Lets hope Brother Mike will set you straight.
For your own sake! Because hell is no fun.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-01-2007, 01:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonFlower View Post
Like I've said a million and one times before...I SHAVE ALL MY BODY HAIR (except for my head) TO PREVENT FLEAS. And, just in case you haven'ty heard...I TITHE TO LANDOVER EVERY SUNDAY (if not Pa'daddy will come to my Sycamore and beat me silly).

So, now that I tithe AND shave, what's my next move Mikey? I'm already going to start my Bible Studies® and Healings® with Lar baby.

Moon
Ewww you get fleas in your body hair? EW.

Anyways, any woman who thinks like this is degrading herself.
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-01-2007, 01:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poison__x View Post
Ewww you get fleas in your body hair? EW.

Anyways, any woman who thinks like this is degrading herself.
Yeah.. I suppose you want women to be masculine looking, buff, and hairy all over:
So you cannot notice that it's actually a woman and not a man unless she takes off her clothes.
Jesus pukes at your depravity!

Gender confusion is straight from satan!


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13

Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 09-01-2007 at 01:14 AM.
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-01-2007, 08:56 AM

I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.
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Default To Be "Glendora Good", Add These Steps. - 09-22-2006, 01:37 AM

How to be a "Good as Glendora" Wife

1. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen.

2. DO NOT sit down at breakfast. Your Husband will be trying to read the morning paper and the sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him.

3. DO NOT distract him with your female insanity; PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.

4. Bake lots of cookies and cakes and treats. ALWAYS REMEMBER a fat Husband is a faithful Husband.

5. You may sit at the dinner table, but if he wants hotter gravy or something from the kitchen, you need to be up and gone for it with a smile.

6. After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, smile and continue to get his dessert.

7. Do not complain or question if your Husband has plans for after dinner. He has the right to a private life. Never call to check up on him. Use your free time to bake more, or to do his laundry.

8. Always go to bed before your Husband. He deserves a quiet time to reflect on his day and to plan for tomorrow. If he wakes you for sex when he comes to bed, give in graciously.

9. Never initiate sex yourself. Only whores initiate sex.



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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-02-2007, 04:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

A good Wife KNOWS her place!

And remember, a good spanking or slap upside of the head maybe required to keep her in line.



Ladies, please post your ideas and comments on what makes YOU a good True Christian™ Wife.

Helpful, Sister Thumper
This is great! I know God has almost perfected me in this area. I do most of these things and a little extra. I pretty much starve myself to make sure the kids and darling husband are fed before me. I even put his dinner on his plate and serve it to him and open his pop. I insist that he never learns how to use a microwave. After all, his day was way harder than mine. I make sure he has all 50 remotes close by his hands with his dinner. After that I clean up the kitchen while I throw a scrap of food in my mouth, I rub his feet and make sure his clothes are layed out for the next day.

I know not to talk first because no matter the good or the bad that happened in my day - his day was way more important and can always top my stories off! After he is done punching the clock it is his right to kick back and do what he wants. My job is only 24 hours a day with no break. It is even okay if he goes out with the guys a couple times a week. I just need to make sure I have dinner ready and warmed up at midnight when he comes home. I always need to be ready whenever he is in the mood. That would be 24/7 and that is scriptual because one of those books in the bible said that the women's body is not her own.

It is pretty simple really. It is just learning how to communicate and listen to the needs of your husband. Who cares about me. I am Proverbs 31 woman and damn proud. Any questions?
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-02-2007, 11:04 AM

I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-02-2007, 05:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poison__x View Post
I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.
She is a wiccan and part-Venezuelan to boot. Those people don't know what hygiene is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.
Praise! It is a fact that in Iran and North Korea, all the men are forced to do the washing-up all day long. Men who voluntarily do housework are traitors to America and Freedom.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-02-2007, 11:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.
Good for you, Pastor Zeke! After all, you have so many important and Godly activities planned for your day, you would hardly have time for the lowly tasks of everyday life.

Quote:
Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.
Of course you're not, Pastor, who in their right minds would even think such a thing!


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-03-2007, 02:34 AM

Ever heard of spitting the work? I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past year, and we simply spit the work. If he's over my house, I cook and clean for him. If I'm over his, he cooks and cleans for me. Simple as that. A man needs to know how to do for his girlfriend/wife, if she does for him. *nod nod*
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 09-03-2007, 03:11 AM

Quote:
Ever heard of spitting the work?
No I have not. Can you please explain what spitting the work means, clean and sober. Thanks.



If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 01-20-2010, 10:23 AM

BibleThumpinBlonde you're truly a great True Christian Wife.

We all should be proud of people like you, and I aspire my wife, which is already on a good path to be a good Christian wife to be more like you.

God bless all the womans who know how to be a True Christian Wife!
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Default Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife - 01-20-2010, 01:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by hopeneverdies View Post
BibleThumpinBlonde you're truly a great True Christian Wife.

We all should be proud of people like you, and I aspire my wife, which is already on a good path to be a good Christian wife to be more like you.

God bless all the womans who know how to be a True Christian Wife!
Well, she's not exactly a wife at the moment if we're going to be precise.

We've been engaged for the past 6+ years you see....


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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