Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-13-2013, 04:09 PM
My youngest son, Jacob Delacroix, has brought shame upon his father's name for having remained celibate for so long! In 2 months time he will be 18 and he isn't even courting a young lady yet. The neighbors are starting to talk...
I continue to pray hard and lash him with the switch as often as I can, but nothing has worked so far! His father passed away so I cannot seek his help either.
Brothers and Sisters of Landover, what can I do? I'm beginning to suspect my son may be a queer...
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-13-2013, 04:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Delacroix
My youngest son, Jacob Delacroix, has brought shame upon his father's name for having remained celibate for so long! In 2 months time he will be 18 and he isn't even courting a young lady yet. The neighbors are starting to talk...
I continue to pray hard and lash him with the switch as often as I can, but nothing has worked so far! His father passed away so I cannot seek his help either.
Brothers and Sisters of Landover, what can I do? I'm beginning to suspect my son may be a queer...
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Poor Sister Mary,
I don't shed tears because I am a man, but if I did, I would be weeping for you right now. Here you are, giving birth 17 years ago at the obviously old age of 70 or 80 judging from the looks of you, and the boy won't even make a decrepit, dried up old woman happy in what are obviously her last few seconds on this earth. It's wrong, I tell you.
However, even though he should be settling down and providing you with many Soldiers for Christ, there is yet a small thread of hope.
Isaiah 62:5 ¶ For as a yong man marrieth a virgine, so shall thy sonnes marry thee: and as the bridegrome reioyceth ouer the bride, so shall thy God reioyce ouer thee.
Shout GLORY! This verse is obviously telling you if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Ask your son to marry you! When GOD rejoices over you, I bet He would even allow you to have some more children. You may die before they reach the age of reason, but that's Jacob's problem, not yours.
There is one caveat, however. If Jacob is the same Jacob Delacroix I saw on the cover of Young Beefy Stallion magazine down at the corner newsstand last Tuesday, we may have a larger problem to deal with. By any chance is your son about 6'2", dark brown hair, chiseled features, with a come hither smile that sorta reminds one of James Dean or Roy Rogers?
I'm keeping you and Jacob in prayer.
Brother Larry
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-13-2013, 06:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Delacroix
My youngest son, Jacob Delacroix, has brought shame upon his father's name for having remained celibate for so long! In 2 months time he will be 18 and he isn't even courting a young lady yet. The neighbors are starting to talk...
I continue to pray hard and lash him with the switch as often as I can, but nothing has worked so far! His father passed away so I cannot seek his help either.
Brothers and Sisters of Landover, what can I do? I'm beginning to suspect my son may be a queer...
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Just let your husband or his Pastor select a proper wife for him.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-14-2013, 02:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Just let your husband or his Pastor select a proper wife for him.
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Alas, my husband is dead and my son still openly defies the pastor's word of advice. What can be done?
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Gushing for Jesus
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-14-2013, 02:50 PM
You might try corporeal discipline. Even if you cannot hit his buttocks, you can certainly find some point of contact. I suggest aiming for the head and shoulders to catch his attention.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,439
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-14-2013, 03:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Delacroix
my husband is dead
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Then you clearly need a new husband to help you properly raise your son. This will also prevent your son from becoming gay.
Can't your Pastor select an elder who needs to be properly cared for to become your husband? Then your new husband can beat your son until he starts behaving like a proper Christian chap.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-15-2013, 04:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Delacroix
Alas, my husband is dead and my son still openly defies the pastor's word of advice. What can be done?
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he openly defies the voice of GOD, and isn't married yet? I think you may have a serious problem on your wrinkly old hands Mrs Delacroix. No doubt the absence of the boys Father is making him act out, As it was suggested by Brother Cranky you need to find another Husband ASAP. Unless of course you want a sissy gay boy as a Son?
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
10-15-2013, 12:18 PM
First of all I agree with the others when they say find yourself a husband NOW! A woman has no business raising children without a male role model in the house. Your son will surely become either a homosexual or a deviant pervert without a father (hope it's not too late). I'd suggest taking a trip to Appalachia and negotiating with some of the good Christian families down there. While they are very nervous about outsiders, they are so inbred and having so many deformed and retarded babies that they'll welcome new genes into their very shallow gene pool. As long as he's not picky about hygiene or having a full set of teeth, he should find a fine Christian girl there.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
04-27-2014, 06:11 AM
Happy birthday to the kid! Little late but...
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
04-27-2014, 06:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheWretch
Happy birthday to the kid! Little late but...
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SPAM.
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Unsaved trash, repulsive teenaged demon
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
04-28-2014, 01:27 AM
You should be thankful that your son is mature enough to wait to get married, not have sex with the first girl he sees, an most importantly, have enough brain cells to be himself, and not be a sheep and blindly follow what you want him to do.
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
04-28-2014, 10:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonThinker96
You should be thankful that your son is mature enough to wait to get married, not have sex with the first girl he sees, an most importantly, have enough brain cells to be himself, and not be a sheep and blindly follow what you want him to do.
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A good Christian has no need to think for himself
Matthew 6:25 "Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"
It is not about thinking, it is about obeying God.
Acts 5:29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.
I hope this makes things clear.
God bless
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
12-09-2015, 03:24 PM
Here's an idea: get the hell off his back and let him do what he wants.
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Guarding his purity against all comers
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
12-09-2015, 03:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HellYeah
Here's an idea: get the hell off his back and let him do what he wants.
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LMAO you are so boring. Reply to a few more ancient threads, please. For all you know he beat his son to damnation by now.
Here is a thought. Why don't you do what you are told and start an intro thread.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
05-19-2016, 12:50 PM
Remember that Isaac and Jacob were both 40 years-old when they were married. Jesus Himself encouraged celibacy in Matthew 19 as Paul did in 1 Corinthians 7.
Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
05-19-2016, 03:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HellYeah
Here's an idea: get the hell off his back and let him do what he wants.
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Semen is precious. God might kill him (and you, for that matter) tomorrow. He needs to stop wasting it on his bedsheets and start inseminating a wide hipped young True Christian wench as fast as possible. We need children unsullied by the hideousness of false education for the next generation of the elect.
Perhaps he needs the gay beating out of him. It's a while since I gave a misguided youth a good thrashing so I'm ready for a challenge.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
05-19-2016, 04:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Regis Alexandrus
Remember that Isaac and Jacob were both 40 years-old when they were married. Jesus Himself encouraged celibacy in Matthew 19 as Paul did in 1 Corinthians 7.
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Not exactly. Read your Bible again, carefully and prayerfully. Most men cannot be without a wife as they naturally desire sexual relations all day, every day. There are only three categories of men who, by Providence, are given to celibacy. Called "eunuchs,” these include men who were born unfit for marriage, those who became unfit through violence, and Paul. Catholics have a noted history of bastardizing God's Word in order to fit their own agenda. The Roman Papist idea that Jesus calls men to celibacy is but one example. Show me a man who thinks he's called to celibacy, and I'll show you a latent Homosexual who hates himself and doesn't truly trust Jesus to cure Him.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
05-19-2016, 07:57 PM
maybe he's gay
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
05-19-2016, 09:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Retarded Swedish Chef bork bork bork
maybe he's gay
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Exactly. So if he does not respond to being beaten and ordered to man up and father children he should be killed. Obviously we can't do this due to wrongful secular laws. Hence why we need a more Godly form of government that actually follows God's commandments.
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Re: My youngest son is 17 and doesn't have a wife yet! What can I do? -
05-20-2016, 08:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redeemed Papist
Exactly. So if he does not respond to being beaten and ordered to man up and father children he should be killed. Obviously we can't do this due to wrongful secular laws. Hence why we need a more Godly form of government that actually follows God's commandments.
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What? Why?
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