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Unhappy john 2:4 - 10-16-2006, 04:32 AM

And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
<--- that be john 2:1-5

i been studyin that verse, an i not thinks lord Jesus be settin a good examples for true Christain™ offsprings . nows, if He were a ordinry person an not the son of lord God, his momma woulda stoneds Him for the sin of backsass , cuz my momma tolds me an my borthers an sisters that if we ever spoked to her like that call her 'woman' an make a excuse not to do what she say, she gonna sends us home to glorys in a hartbeat, in a blinkity-blink of her squinty liddle eyes that be her --->

it all make me think deep an meaningfull thawts about that verse, like maybee lord Jesus to oldin by then to be killeds by his momma
<--- that be Him, gettin away wiv being smart-alicky. i only be guessin this cuz when it say in the bible that parents can kills thier childrens for being nawty, it not say 'until they old enuff to vote' or even 'until they get marrieds an have thier own childrens to kill' so maybee real oldin parents, like 87 hunnerd millon years old, are still alloweds to kill their nawty 60 yr old childrens? i not no.
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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-16-2006, 04:36 AM

I suppose the old JOO kept nagging at Him because it was at this wedding that JESUS turned water into wine and learned NEVER to have a JOO for a mother.


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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-16-2006, 09:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Petal View Post
i only be guessin this cuz when it say in the bible that parents can kills thier childrens for being nawty, it not say 'until they old enuff to vote' or even 'until they get marrieds an have thier own childrens to kill' so maybee real oldin parents, like 87 hunnerd millon years old, are still alloweds to kill their nawty 60 yr old childrens? i not no.
That is correct. Let me quote Our Lord again - just in case Fish is lurking:

Matthew 15:3 But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?
Matthew 15:4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
Matthew 15:5 But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me;
Matthew 15:6 And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.

Jesus is rebuking the Pharisees for ignoring God's law and dishonoring their parents. These Pharisees are obviously grownups, but Jesus still say they ought to "die the death."

THERE'S NO AGE LIMIT!! Hey, Jesus was in His thirties, when His father killed Him (even if it was only temporarily).
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Smile Re: john 2:4 - 10-18-2006, 06:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Prune Danish View Post
THERE'S NO AGE LIMIT!! Hey, Jesus was in His thirties, when His father killed Him (even if it was only temporarily).
that true! Mr.Danish, i never thawt abouts it like that, you learned me somethang noo . when lord God murder-suicideds lord Jesus, he were learnin them pharasee folk that the oldin kill-your-childrens law is still law, an that a facts!
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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-18-2006, 01:12 PM

You think that's bad? The bible has a lot of examples, Petal, which show that Jesus of the bible was a big fat MEANIE. When it isn't midnight, I'll post some quotes.
Too tired now and migraine tabs are kicking in.



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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-18-2006, 01:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
You think that's bad? The bible has a lot of examples, Petal, which show that Jesus of the bible was a big fat MEANIE. When it isn't midnight, I'll post some quotes.
Too tired now and migraine tabs are kicking in.
It is the merciful and loving Jesus who has stricken you with a migraine, filthy harlot. And I am assigning you a bucketful of infraction points for suggesting that Jesus was overweight.

I hope Jesus turns the dials up on your brain pain. Maybe you can get a taste of what awaits you in the lake of fire.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 12:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
It is the merciful and loving Jesus who has stricken you with a migraine, filthy harlot. And I am assigning you a bucketful of infraction points for suggesting that Jesus was overweight.
Actually the migraine is gone (knock on wood) And fine. I'll say he was a scrawny, hunchbacked meanie, is that better?

Quote:
I hope Jesus turns the dials up on your brain pain. Maybe you can get a taste of what awaits you in the lake of fire.
I thought it was just eternal sodomy that awaited me? You mean it's NOT? You mean it's eternal MIGRAINES? Whoa, maybe that is scary.
Now, as to some quotes.

Mark 6:11 11And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
(Yeah, real nice)

2 John 1:10 10If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed:
(Once more, really nice)

1 John 2:22 22Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
(Hmm, guess there's a lot of 'antichrists' walking around.)

1 John 5:19 19And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness.
(Bit of a superiority complex there?)

2 John 1:7 7For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.
(Or maybe they just aren't a gullible nitwit?)

Matthew 15:25-27 25Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me. 26But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs.


(What a polite young man he was)

Matthew 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
(Really, really nice)

Now if those aren't the actions of a meanie, I don't know what are!



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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 02:10 PM

Praise Jesus, the witch is finally learning which verses apply to her.

Now if we can just get her to tithe, we might be able to save her soul for Jesus.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Smile Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 09:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Rachael Van Hellish View Post
Now if those aren't the actions of a meanie, I don't know what are!
Mrs.Hellsinger, i no all them verse look real bads, but lord Jesus not be helds to the same standerds that he sets for us. when He be mean , it holy, an when he be killin folk, that be holy to!. just like His daddy, everythang He do is good an rightous, no matter what he do even when he called that lady a doggie an even when he backsass His momma. this be why i prays an prays for guidince before followin His examples, cuz there be thangs that He say an do in the bibles that be ok cuz it Him that do it, but if i saids or dids those thangs i be cast into hellfires for all eternitys . this be where He say "do as i says, but not as my daddy do! " i no that not in the bibles, but i thinks it a good true Christian™ motto to lives by.
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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 11:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Praise Jesus, the witch is finally learning which verses apply to her.
So in other words, everything in the bible that talks about scumbags 'applies to me', eh?

Quote:
Now if we can just get her to tithe, we might be able to save her soul for Jesus.
Heh, even if I were a landover baptist, you're talking to someone who has bills to consider AND is also a tightwad.

Quote:
Mrs.Hellsinger, i no all them verse look real bads, but lord Jesus not be helds to the same standerds that he sets for us. when He be mean , it holy, an when he be killin folk, that be holy to!. just like His daddy, everythang He do is good an rightous, no matter what he do even when he called that lady a doggie an even when he backsass His momma. this be why i prays an prays for guidince before followin His examples, cuz there be thangs that He say an do in the bibles that be ok cuz it Him that do it, but if i saids or dids those thangs i be cast into hellfires for all eternitys . this be where He say "do as i says, but not as my daddy do! " i no that not in the bibles, but i thinks it a good true Christian™ motto to lives by.
They do look bad, Petal. You say that he was out to save everyone, but it looks like he only cared about a few people, and never mind the rest. To hell with 'em! (In those stories, he was actually saying that literally!)
I'm confused.
How could someone who isn't a meanie act like such a meanie and be so brash and uncaring?
Wasn't that just being like the 'diet soda version' of daddy for him?



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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 11:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Hellsinger
So in other words, everything in the bible that talks about scumbags 'applies to me', eh?
More truth! The light of Jesus is beginning to shine!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Hellover
I'm confused.
Praise Jesus she is on a truth roll! I cannot recall a single post in which this degenerate appeared to catch on so firmly to the plans Jesus has offered her. My faith in God is renewed yet again!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 11:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
More truth! The light of Jesus is beginning to shine!
Praise Jesus she is on a truth roll! I cannot recall a single post in which this degenerate appeared to catch on so firmly to the plans Jesus has offered her. My faith in God is renewed yet again!

So in other words the only time I say anything you approve of is when I say anything that in your eyes alludes to my being a 'degenerate, wits-addled scumbag'??



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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-19-2006, 11:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post

So in other words the only time I say anything you approve of is when I say anything that in your eyes alludes to my being a 'degenerate, wits-addled scumbag'??
Well, you're on the right track, but as usual you have twisted the truth. It isn't so much about what I approve of, but rather Jesus, who died temporarily for your sins. Why do you insist on turning your back on Christ? He is waiting for you to drop to your knees and beg to receive His love.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-20-2006, 06:41 AM

This is where I'm confused. You say your jeebus wanted to save all the scumbags. Yet in the verses I quoted he seemed more happy just to let them burn.
So which is it??



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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-20-2006, 01:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
This is where I'm confused. You say your jeebus wanted to save all the scumbags. Yet in the verses I quoted he seemed more happy just to let them burn.
So which is it??
Let me help clarify one thing that may reduce your "confusion": His sweet name is JESUS CHRIST, not "jeebus". And you WILL capitalize His name in an effort to show appropriate respect for His temporary sacrifice for your degeneracies, or ELSE. Capeesh?

Look for a bundle of new infraction points in your pre-Christmas stocking, witch.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: john 2:4 - 10-20-2006, 02:35 PM

I Believe I have had a Revelation on this matter, Miss Petal.

You see, everyone knows that Jesus was a Wino - the most Famous one in all of history, might I add! - and by "acting dumb" - or perhaps even showing Him a little Christian "Tough Love" - Mother Mary was simply trying to wean Him off the sauce. A little "year zero Rehab" one might say....

Of course, I shouldn't discuss this further here where un$avED Homer! Heethens might be lurking in case, somehow, they should get the wrong impression of Our Lord and $aviour who Died for all of their Sins!

PS Merry Christmas!!!!!

SUV


And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
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Smile Re: john 2:4 - 10-21-2006, 06:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss.Sister Sue Theologys View Post
I Believe I have had a Revelation on this matter, Miss Petal.
Miss.Sista Sue, you done learneds me somethang noo wiv your revelashun! whenever i use to reads them verses, i thawt 'wine' were oldin englishs for 'whine', cuz it be a Joo marriage par-tay an that usualy mean 2 Joo momma-in-laws naggity-nag-nag-naggin an sizin each other up for a whine-off ---> . so when Mrs.Mary saids to lord Jesus that there be no more whine, i gots to thinkin that the situashun be so unnateral that she became unnerveds, an she wanteds her holy son to gives them Jooz somethang to complain abouts.

but i kinda disappointeds wiv the mirackle now cuz turnin water into Joo whine woulda really been somethang to see!
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