General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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Honorary White Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 612
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: America!
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Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-01-2024, 08:26 PM
I was going through my emails (don’t worry Pastor Zeke, it was on hours I wasn’t cleaning your pipes out), I received a message from Donald J Trump personally asking me to buy a Trump Knife or else I won’t be considered a True Patriot ™️. Considering the similarities of Donald J Trump and the biblical stories of Jesus Christ who also overcame constant oppression from unbelievers, how could I not buy one? It says to wait 10-14 weeks for delivery. Should all churchgoers carry one to protect themselves from Lieberals and Demonrats who may try to outlaw Christianity? I nearly blushed and flustered myself when I saw it was over 10 inches long! Pastor Ezekiel’s favorite measurement!!!!
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,121
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-01-2024, 10:12 PM
You will cut a dashing figure, Brother Rutherford, wearing you knife sheath and Trump collector's knife. And it will put you in the company of Trump's inner circle of supporters. And think of the safety it will provide. This is an instant collector's item; you will be able to fund your retirement with the knife because it will become so valuable.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,203
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-02-2024, 02:23 PM
I would just like to comment on the 10" claim depends on where you measure it from. Authoritative sites consider just the blade itself while self-reported measurements can be all over the place - some even starting from the butt. It appears Donald's measurement includes a portion "unusable" length that could not be inserted in the heat of the moment.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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Honorary White Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 612
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: America!
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-26-2024, 06:27 PM
Ho boy. Just got an email from Parler (it’s a place for Christians to support Trump), and I just got an offer for ANOTHER TRUMP KNIFE! This one gets up to eight inches with just a flick! I really wish I had this. Imagine getting bigger with just a flick. Oh Trump is such a genius .
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,121
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-26-2024, 10:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Rutherford
Ho boy. Just got an email from Parler (it’s a place for Christians to support Trump), and I just got an offer for ANOTHER TRUMP KNIFE! This one gets up to eight inches with just a flick! I really wish I had this. Imagine getting bigger with just a flick. Oh Trump is such a genius .
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The thing I like about this offer, besides the sale price, are the words, "limited edition." Many people may not know this, but those two words guarantee the knife will become a collector's jewel. Anyone who is privileged enough to get one will profit later.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,203
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-27-2024, 01:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
The thing I like about this offer, besides the sale price, are the words, "limited edition." Many people may not know this, but those two words guarantee the knife will become a collector's jewel. Anyone who is privileged enough to get one will profit later.
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I was fortunate enough to inherit keepsakes of the 23rd President of the United States, whom one of my ancestors was smart enough to purchase a number of items from, including some knives I imagine. I've yet to receive a sensible offer for this treasure.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,121
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-27-2024, 02:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole
I was fortunate enough to inherit keepsakes of the 23rd President of the United States, whom one of my ancestors was smart enough to purchase a number of items from, including some knives I imagine. I've yet to receive a sensible offer for this treasure.
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I have a lot of Nixon memorabilia. It's gone through the roof in value. I've seen a Nixon dinner plate listed at $15.00. It was about $10.00 back when Nixon was President. If you buy and hold items like the Trump knife you will be wealthy.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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True Christian™ Beauty Queen
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Posts: 5,447
Join Date: Dec 2007
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-27-2024, 01:12 PM
I need a Trump knife. It was only about a month ago that a homeless person approached me outside a grocery store. Protection is important in these trying times.
Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
in 2016
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,203
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-27-2024, 07:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by VictoryOS
I need a Trump knife. It was only about a month ago that a homeless person approached me outside a grocery store. Protection is important in these trying times.
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That's right, Mrs. OS. Save America.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-27-2024, 07:24 PM
In Godless England, the carrying of knives is frowned upon - unless of course you are feral scum or a career criminal. So we have had to settle for nail clippers. It is quite convenient that they come in different sizes, suitable for children of all ages.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-29-2024, 11:53 PM
A product clearly aimed at the 1%ers and blue-collars alike. A product to unite the USA. Sales are going to be massive! There nothing that says "Responsible, successful, and thoughtful Christian who has weighed the options" better than a triple beveled, razor sharp, 420 Steel, 8" switchblade in Republican red.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 666
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
01-30-2024, 09:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
In Godless England, the carrying of knives is frowned upon - unless of course you are feral scum or a career criminal. So we have had to settle for nail clippers. It is quite convenient that they come in different sizes, suitable for children of all ages.
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It may be my screen, but this looks like a bronze edition. Surely its available in gold.
58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring k upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: Silver tithers and up should be required to carry a Trump Knife. -
02-03-2024, 06:20 PM
My Trump knife saved my life. The other day, I was sitting in the Redding, CA library (I go there sometimes to razor blade out offensive passages from Bible translations other than the KJV) when a large black man walked in, looked at me, and smiled. I brandished my Trump knife, which wiped that evil smile off his face. He quickly turned away from whatever mischief he had planned for me.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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