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Default need some bible study help - 11-12-2006, 11:10 AM

....so I found this here challenge to dweebs - write a story in 6 words..... and I got to thinking about the christer bible, and how difficult it is to read without falling asleep n' all. But if all it's stories and books were wrote like this, maybe I could learn it:

Quote:
God to Earth: “Cry more, noobs!”
- Marc Laidlaw
now I reckon that story is kind of a overview of the bible, but I ain't entirely sure..... so I was wonderin' if there's some other christer stories that you bible know-alls could retell in 6 words, for my edificational edumacation?

Vinnie is sincere when he says "thanks a bunch".
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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-12-2006, 11:15 AM

This might be a good place to start for you, Vincent.

Don't forget to stay in the lines for Jesus.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-12-2006, 11:20 AM

"God kills Italian Homers WITHOUT EXCEPTION!"

Is it true that Italian men have large Tallywhackers as a Car Substitute?
All the American men I know drive those wonderfully large, fast Cars, but all the Italians (Including yourself) drive small one's.



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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-12-2006, 02:34 PM

(Why, there's that Good-looking Brother Vinnie again..... )

Here's mine: Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus (oh) JESUS!!!!!

By the way, Brother Vincent: If you use that coloring book of Brother Ezekiel's be sure to color only in Pure, Christian colors. Because if you don't, He will know.

SUV
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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-12-2006, 04:16 PM

If your tombstone can accommodate six words, then here's my contribution:

Vinnie mocked Jesus. Too late now!


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-13-2006, 01:14 AM

Mr. Testosteroni, I, for one am impressed that after ALL this time you are now seeking our guidance.

Perhaps there is hope for you afterall.....I mean you will always be a greasy WOP......but it seems your heart is getting to be in the right place!


GLORY!!!!!!!

With Love and Compassion, Sister Thumper




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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-13-2006, 01:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by VinnieVespisti View Post
....so I found this here challenge to dweebs - write a story in 6 words..... and I got to thinking about the christer bible, and how difficult it is to read without falling asleep n' all. But if all it's stories and books were wrote like this, maybe I could learn it:



now I reckon that story is kind of a overview of the bible, but I ain't entirely sure..... so I was wonderin' if there's some other christer stories that you bible know-alls could retell in 6 words, for my edificational edumacation?

Vinnie is sincere when he says "thanks a bunch".
Hey Vinnie? As an unrepentant heathen,I'm no bible expert...but I could do you one about you (& in only four words!):

Um..god?
Vinnie.
Why?


In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-13-2006, 05:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith View Post
Hey Vinnie? As an unrepentant heathen,I'm no bible expert...but I could do you one about you (& in only four words!):

Um..god?
Vinnie.
Why?
Please learn to capitalize. Or Die.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-13-2006, 04:12 PM

I suppose you could sort of sum up the NT as: Jesus saves us. Kikes kill him.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: need some bible study help - 11-14-2006, 09:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
"God kills Italian Homers WITHOUT EXCEPTION!"
Vinnie ain't no homo. The End.

Quote:
Is it true that Italian men have large Tallywhackers as a Car Substitute?
All the American men I know drive those wonderfully large, fast Cars
Talitha frustrated, shortchanged... sincere Vinster© condolences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus (oh) JESUS!!!!!
Every shower was one helluva shower.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
With Love and Compassion, Sister Thumper
Love, Compassion: pet names, Thumper's twins.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith View Post
but I could do you
Lilith dreamed an offer Vinnie considered.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
I suppose you could sort of sum up the NT as: Jesus saves us. Kikes kill him.
Bro Temp, you're the only dude who took my bible question serious, and that's a damn fine story you wrote there..... you got a take on that Solomon Song?
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