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Reload this Page Question for the Gay Deliverance Pastors
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default Question for the Gay Deliverance Pastors - 11-22-2016, 03:28 PM
I know several of the pastors are involved with homers and I would like to send another young one your way. His mother is willing to pay all expenses for him to be sent to Iowa for cleansing and exorcism. She wants him cleaned out "deeply as possible," and here's why.


This young man is 18, athletic, and works out 5 times each week. One evening when he said he was going to the gym, his mom decided to take him and his workout buddies some healthy sandwiches with low fat meats and gluten free bread. Imagine her surprise when her son wasn't there! Well, she called his cell phone and heard what sounded like devilish disco in the background. She demanded that he explain his deception about going to the gym. He refused.


While her son was out, she installed a padlock on the outside of his door. When he came home, she locked him in immediately and has kept him there ever since. He admitted that he had been at a queer drinking establishment and was in a "hot" relationship with a "power bottom." I don't know what all that means, but she thinks it has something to do with drug abuse.


Can someone come for him? It would have to be someone very strong and able to take control since he has lean, muscular thighs and amazing biceps. I will give the address in a private message if there is room for him in the program.

Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Question for the Gay Deliverance Pastors - 11-23-2016, 02:59 PM
Just send the boy to me to Flint Mansion. He's obsessed with schlongs, but I know what to do, and I can beat it together with him.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Prayer Re: Question for the Gay Deliverance Pastors - 11-23-2016, 06:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Just send the boy to me to Flint Mansion. He's obsessed with schlongs, but I know what to do, and I can beat it together with him.
You do realize he's 18, right?
a bit old for you...

Do you want him sent before the holidays or is anytime good? She's afraid he'll try to escape if he goes on public transportation. Can the Church provide a van or something so he'll be escorted?
Her only other request is that you know how to deal with this "power bottom" thing. I assured her you'd have experience with that.

Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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