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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
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My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-16-2007, 04:06 PM
Brothers and Sisters:
My son Herbert, Jr. is a 31-year old public relations executive on the West Coast, and he needs a loving Christian woman that wants a large Christian family and knows her way around a kitchen. Gosh-- he would just kill me if he knew I was trying to fix him up!!
Herbert (back row, far right) is very busy with his work, too busy for girlfriends, he says. He does something with the dairy industry in San Francisco-- working on legislation with some organization that involves milk. As such, he mostly associates with other manly men-- you know, dairy farmers, motorcycle riders, policemen, construction workers, lumberjacks, etc.
Last edited by H. Montague Worthington; 02-16-2007 at 04:06 PM.
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Yes, THAT Brother Love!
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Location: Wherever Jesus Needs to Save Souls!!
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-17-2007, 01:00 AM
Brother Montague you and I need to have a frank talk. Sadly, brother, sometimes things are NOT what they might seem and sometimes people LIE. Your son is lying to ya brother. I'm not going to beat around the bushes on this but it appears to me that your son has been hood-winked into the HOMERSEXUAL "community." Now, don't get upset and out of wack, brother. There ARE things we can do about this. I'll get with the LBC DOF and discuss kidnapping...I mean "liberating" your son from San FranFago. Now, if they won't do it I got two boys...I mean deacons...that will do it for sure. The FIRST STEP is to get your son OUT of Freako and then we can all work on him turning him to JESUS. Soon he'll be on his knees tasting the LOVE of our Savior and he won't be disappointed, brother!! PRAISE THE LORD!!
Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!
"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15
"Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-17-2007, 02:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington
Brothers and Sisters:
My son Herbert, Jr. is a 31-year old public relations executive on the West Coast, and he needs a loving Christian woman that wants a large Christian family and knows her way around a kitchen. Gosh-- he would just kill me if he knew I was trying to fix him up!!
Herbert (back row, far right) is very busy with his work, too busy for girlfriends, he says. He does something with the dairy industry in San Francisco-- working on legislation with some organization that involves milk. As such, he mostly associates with other manly men-- you know, dairy farmers, motorcycle riders, policemen, construction workers, lumberjacks, etc.
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What a fine and Godly looking son you have! I wonder, has he met any True Christian womenfolk out there in Sin Francisco? I imagine it'd be most difficult . . . but were he to meet one, I'd wager he'd find that she'd save him time, what with the cooking and cleaning and such, and she'd stay out of his way when he needed to work, or hang with the boys!
Perhaps B-J would like to have Herbert join him and his pals on one of their weekend fishing trips? I hear they have a grand time . . . B-J's been telling me about catching some real whoppers!
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-18-2007, 11:35 PM
Monty, I'd hazard a guess that the only interest your son would have in a woman would be as a buddy or possibly to exchange fashion and/or grooming tips.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 02-18-2007 at 11:36 PM.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-18-2007, 11:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Monty, I'd hazard a guess that the only interest your son would have in a woman would be as a buddy or possibly to exchange fashion and/or grooming tips.
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Is someone jealous because they know they could never in a million years (or a day, according to evilutionists) attract such a burning hunk of heterosexual Christian manhood?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-18-2007, 11:47 PM
I prefer my burning hunk of heterosexual heathen husband.
But you can court all the TC men you want, BT.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 02-18-2007 at 11:52 PM.
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 05:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
I prefer my burning hunk of heterosexual heathen husband.
But you can court all the TC men you want, BT.
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You're darned right he'll court them, Helsinki! He'll court them with Jesus' love, steering them clear of your witchery and into Jesus' strong, manly arms!
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LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
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Location: Chateau Lebeau (Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 03:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
I prefer my burning hunk of heterosexual heathen husband.
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Your supposed husband can be nothing more than a limp wrist sissy to allow his property to come here to God's forum make a whore of yourself before the free world. You're imaginary husband isn't half as manly or hunky as Brother Worthington's totally heterosexual son. What man would tolerate a wife who shamelessly throws here diseased cooter at married men in a church(yes, this forum is a church) no less?
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 09:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau
*snip* Idiocy *snip*
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I told you, the leprechauns told me to scare you and BJ. And now they're telling me to set fire to your house.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 02-19-2007 at 09:49 PM.
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 10:22 PM
Rachael? Would you please stop trying to lure True Christains™ from the path to salvation? You just aren't Jessica Hahn material, and we definately aren't Jim Baker. If you want to be beautiful, get right with Jesus first. Then all your problems will disappear.
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
Last edited by Rev. Dr. Davidson; 02-19-2007 at 10:22 PM.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 10:47 PM
What's that leprechauns? You want me to set my rottweilers loose on Rev DeeDee? Well, why didn't you SAY so?
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
What's that leprechauns? You want me to set my rottweilers loose on Rev DeeDee? Well, why didn't you SAY so?
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What's that Holy Spirit? You want me to find some unsaved redneck to sodomize her dogs?
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-19-2007, 11:59 PM
You keep your rednecks AWAY from my rottweilers!!! If those rednecks get close to Daisy and Raptor, I'll be picking pieces of redneck from my yard for weeks!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 02-20-2007 at 12:00 AM.
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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-20-2007, 03:17 AM
I do NOT know what you're talking about-- my son is a manly man! Just because he works in San Francisco does not mean he's not a real man. Just because he's never had a relationship with a woman for more than three weeks since high school doesn't mean anything. Just because he has lived with a man with a lisp named Mitch since 1996 is irrelevant. The fact that everytime I call him a man answers the phone and there is throbbing disco music blaring so loud that I can barely hear him is not proof of ANYTHING!
Ladies-- there is an eligible Christian bachelor, who is a very good provider living with 5 motorcycle men in San Francisco.... any Christian ladies out there interested?
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LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-20-2007, 05:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
I told you, the leprechauns told me to scare you and BJ. And now they're telling me to set fire to your house.
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I am fully aware of your perverted code, wench!!! Set fire to your house is code for "put on a strap on a sodomize you while pretending to be riding a donkey". Does your depravity and lust for me have no bounds?!?!? Lord, save me!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
What's that leprechauns? You want me to set my rottweilers loose on Rev DeeDee? Well, why didn't you SAY so?
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Her "Rottweilers" are clearly her chestal globules!!! Now you're sexually harassing the good Rev?!?!?! Does your libido know no limits?!?!?
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-20-2007, 05:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau
I am fully aware of your perverted code, wench!!! Set fire to your house is code for "put on a strap on a sodomize you while pretending to be riding a donkey". Does your depravity and lust for me have no bounds?!?!? Lord, save me!!!
Her "Rottweilers" are clearly her chestal globules!!! Now you're sexually harassing the good Rev?!?!?! Does your libido know no limits?!?!?
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Thank you for pointing this out to me Brother Remy. I've never learned heathen code, and took what she'd said as plain English. I feel so violated. Once that new anti-hate crime legislation is in place, I'll clearly have a case against her. I may not get over this travesty for days, perhaps weeks.
I will spend hours in my prayer closet tonight handling the psychological torment she's inflicted upon me.
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-20-2007, 07:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington
I do NOT know what you're talking about-- my son is a manly man! Just because he works in San Francisco does not mean he's not a real man. Just because he's never had a relationship with a woman for more than three weeks since high school doesn't mean anything. Just because he has lived with a man with a lisp named Mitch since 1996 is irrelevant. The fact that everytime I call him a man answers the phone and there is throbbing disco music blaring so loud that I can barely hear him is not proof of ANYTHING!
Ladies-- there is an eligible Christian bachelor, who is a very good provider living with 5 motorcycle men in San Francisco.... any Christian ladies out there interested?
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Aren't you one of the people who accuse people of being gay because of where they live, how they act, and look?
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-20-2007, 10:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau
I am fully aware of your perverted code, wench!!! Set fire to your house is code for "put on a strap on a sodomize you while pretending to be riding a donkey". Does your depravity and lust for me have no bounds?!?!? Lord, save me!!!
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That was no code...it was meant as it was literally said and now the leprechauns are telling me that you do some very odd things with yo-yos.....and in front of the children!!! How could you do that, think of the poor children!!
Quote:
Her "Rottweilers" are clearly her chestal globules!!! Now you're sexually harassing the good Rev?!?!?! Does your libido know no limits?!?!?
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Well, poor Daisy and Raptor won't be at all happy about being called boobs. Beautiful attack dogs they are.
Quote:
Thank you for pointing this out to me Brother Remy. I've never learned heathen code, and took what she'd said as plain English. I feel so violated. Once that new anti-hate crime legislation is in place, I'll clearly have a case against her. I may not get over this travesty for days, perhaps weeks.
I will spend hours in my prayer closet tonight handling the psychological torment she's inflicted upon me.
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Well the leprechauns say that when you get in that closet, you also do strange things with yo-yos.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Unsaved Canuck Who Longs to be Saved© CAUTION: Poster is Bi-Lingually curious
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-21-2007, 12:58 AM
You know... If you string enough yo-yos together... You get These, and These. But what would Christian men be doing with anal beads???
This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: My Son Needs A Christian Woman -
02-21-2007, 05:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided
You know... If you string enough yo-yos together... You get These, and These. But what would Christian men be doing with anal beads???
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Not nearly as shocking as the revelation that you even know what those things are. Shame on you Alie.
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