[Ezekiel Bathfire]

In Book 6 of Milton’s “Paradise Lost”, Satan, is said to fall for 9 days when he is thrown out of Heaven.

Nine dayes they fell; confounded Chaos roard,
And felt tenfold confusion in thir fall
Through his wilde Anarchie, so huge a rout
Incumberd him with ruin:

Milton was a well-known Baptist and therefore we can trust that this was a Divine Revelation.

We know that everything on earth falls to earth at a rate of 19⅝ cubits per second per second.
But we also know that in Heaven there is no gravity, otherwise all the souls would fall to earth and that would never do. So we now know that gravity starts just after the bottom of heaven ends.

So we now know that when Satan and his minions were thrown out of Heaven, they fell quite slowly at first, perhaps at only one twelfth of a cubit per second and that this would increase over 9 days, producing an average acceleration of 10 ½ + 17/30ths = 111/15th cubits per second, per second.

That means that the entire journey was made at the same speed as the speed that Satan and his minions were travelling at halfway through the journey.

At this point some of the rude and arrogant atheists will be pointing out that there were no “seconds,” in the sense of one-sixtieth of a minute, when Jesus made the earth*, there were only hours. OK Smartasses, lets convert that to miles per hour.

There are 388,800 seconds in 4½ days, so the average speed of the unholy party would be
(111/15th cubits per second) x 388,800 = 1344¼ mph.


And they fell for 9 days.
1344¼ mph x 9 x 24 = 290,358 miles.

Therefore Heaven is 290,358 miles above us, which is just a bit more than the distance that so-called scientists say the Moon is from Earth**.

Nobody on Earth has seen Heaven. Nobody on Earth has ever seen the other side of the Moon… coincidence? I think not and you may be assured that Landover Baptist Church is spending your money wisely as we continue our research this matter.


*Jesus is first recorded as revealing "seconds" unto us in 1588

P. Canisius "Cathechisme or Schort Instruction." g viij Ye cowrse of ye sone, quhilk sence hes bene obserueit to be accompleseit in 365 dayes 5 houris 10 min: and 16 Secondis.

(You might think that, because seconds were revealed to us in 1588, KJV 1611 should have “seconds” – the reason it doesn’t is that P. Canisius who wrote that was working for the pope but he was a secret Baptist spy and the revelation had to be kept secret until he died and went to heaven.)

**The mean semi-major axis has a value of 384,402 km (238,856 mi). The time-averaged distance between Earth and Moon centers is 385,000.6 km (239,228.3 mi). The actual distance varies over the course of the orbit of the Moon, from 356,500 km (221,500 mi) at the perigee to 406,700 km (252,700 mi) at apogee, (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lunar_distance_(astronomy))

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

No atheists have responded yet? Unbelievable! But very typical - they always shy away from a Biblical challenge.

[GodLover2525]

Wow..Heaven really isn't to far away...guess that devilish band Warrent was right about something

[Nobar King]

When you are as old as I am, heaven seems like it gets closer every year.

[GaleWhoring the Boring (On Moderation)]

Why to get to Heaven, I would walk 500 miles, And I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walks a thousand miles, to fall down at your door.

[GodLover2525]

That "song" is about two gay men opening their gayness. It shall not be uttered her witch.

[Nobar King]

I didn't know that's why I don't like that song, but thanks for clearing that up.

[GodLover2525]

indeed brother. I feel like it gets closer every day though.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

While I appreciate the careful research Brother Bathfire compiled before us, I always imagined that Heaven was a bit closer (not Brother King's figurative sense) because of clouds. Clouds are the needed foundation to build the gates, and the mansions awaiting us. ( Matthew 26:64 ). This would make practical sense as the Bible indicates that Heaven is not far away from us. ( Hebrews 12:22-24 )

It begs the question, does Heaven come before outer space? If so, it affirms once more than all so-called scientific discovery of the outer regions are a Satanic myth, and that nobody has landed on the moon, let alone reached the far side of it. Otherwise, explorers would have passed through Heaven on the way, and saw Jesus waving hello.

[Didymus Much]

Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo

...explorers would have passed through Heaven on the way, and saw Jesus waving hello.

Maybe they did, and NASA is covering that up, too.

Next up on InfoWars...

[James Hutchins]

While I am no Biblical scholar, I was taught (and as such teach my children the same) that Heaven is 'just out of reach' and that we need Jesus to give us a 'boost' to make it there. We have to pray, pray hard and sacrifice to God and hope He finds us worthy.

[MitzaLizalor]

Perhaps I'm rather obtuse today, but could you clarify exactly what it is that's getting closer, there seem to be a couple of options?