[Poordumbdirt]

Great to finally find a group of Christians who really are bible based. Many claim that they are, but it doesn't take long to unearth a dark, liberal core.




By way of introduction ... I was saved during a particularly boring part of my life, about 15 years ago. When an old friend showed me just how exciting life could seem, when we manifest a relationship with the greatest superhero of all time, well .... that was pretty much it. I haven't looked back!

[Alvin Moss]

Welcome then, friend. We are glad you have arrived. We would like a little more from you in your introduction. Tell us of your life with Jesus. Where do you live? How many sons do you have? Who is your Pastor? What revolver do you favor?
God Bless!


P.S.- What shall we call you? None of your names seem right to call a Brother Christian.

[Poordumbdirt]

Hale, BinC (brother in Christ!). Be at your leisure to refer to me as PDD, or Pud, if vowels render you more comfortable.


I chose my user name for the following reasons: Poor because there are no needles or camels involved, dumb because I am become like a child, and dirty because I'm a sinner. A dirty sinner.


I have 2 sons, praise be. I know it's not many, but prior to these past 15 years in the service of our Lord, I was waylaid by the devil into ungodly pursuits like ... eating triple brie, drinking pinot noir, travelling, hanging around with vegans, and not wanting to get angry. I had the best of my breeding years stolen from me, you see. The devil is clever ... he knows how to limit enemy numbers!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

What is it about the word "introduction" that you people don't understand? Name, age, gender, hometown, the name of your church, and favorite Scriptures. Talk about your walk with Christ. What sins have you been wallowing in? Jesus sees right through your games, friend. Time to cough up some truth.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Poordumbdirt]

I belong to no church, Sir. I've been searching these 15 years for a spiritual home.

I know the bible only in passing, I'm afraid. You may find that perplexing in one who seeks Bible based congregation - but you'd be (with respect) mistaken. For I believe that close study of scripture can lead us astray. We begin to treat God's Word as just another text book, to be clinically studied and analysed out of all meaning. I prefer to 'absorb' the Word, via wise interpretation and songs of praise. Hallelujah.

Meantime, I may yet be bant, but if I can steer even a single soul Christwards before then, it'll have been worth it.

[Thomas Taylor]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

I belong to no church, Sir. I've been searching these 15 years for a spiritual home.

I know the bible only in passing, I'm afraid. You may find that perplexing in one who seeks Bible based congregation - but you'd be (with respect) mistaken. For I believe that close study of scripture can lead us astray. We begin to treat God's Word as just another text book, to be clinically studied and analysed out of all meaning. I prefer to 'absorb' the Word, via wise interpretation and songs of praise. Hallelujah.

Meantime, I may yet be bant, but if I can steer even a single soul Christwards before then, it'll have been worth it.

Listen up and listen up good boy. The only word is that of the Lord our God. Read your Bible (KJV) and live by it. As I thought you are just another faithless slob drawn down into darkness. So. Get up and live in the light.

[Poordumbdirt]

There's an NIV collecting dust somewhere around here ... will that not suffice?

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

I believe that close study of scripture can lead us astray. We begin to treat God's Word as just another text book, to be clinically studied and analysed out of all meaning. I prefer to 'absorb' the Word, via wise interpretation and songs of praise. Hallelujah.

Now just a darn minute there, SIR!

There is no way the Bible can lead anyone astray

2nd Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness"
Deuteronomy 4:2 "Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you."
Revelation 22:18-19 "For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book."
Psalm 12:6-7 "The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Thou shalt keep them, O LORD, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever."

How can you call yourself a Christian if the first thing you toss out is the Bible?

YIC

[Poordumbdirt]

By reading it dry, unlubricated by spirit, we risk disenchantenment ... and abrasion.

[Gregory Mitch]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

For I believe that close study of scripture can lead us astray

Explain, how, in all eternity, could the bible lead us astray? It is the only reason that the world isn't taken over by homers, retards, and joos!

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

By reading it dry, unlubricated by spirit, we risk disenchantenment ... and abrasion.

So you're saying the Bible is wrong? I bet you don't even think Lev 20:13 means what it means.

Way to give yourself away as an atheistical

YIC

[Poordumbdirt]

Originally Posted by Gregory Mitch

Explain, how, in all eternity, could the bible lead us astray? It is the only reason that the world isn't taken over by homers, retards, and joos!

The world is already taken over by the varietals mentioned. I don't suggest unlubed bibling is the cause, only that care needs to be taken before plunging in. And sometimes good dose of Christian Rock can do as fine a job of cuddling us up to Christ as the reading of Scripture.

[Poordumbdirt]

Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles

So you're saying the Bible is wrong? I bet you don't even think Lev 20:13 means what it means.

Way to give yourself away as an atheistical

YIC

I don't suggest the Bible is wrong ... I suggest that some of us are too imperfect a tool to safely read it. Certainly, I myself am nowhere near being the tool I could be. But I'm willing to learn .... hence my registration herein

Meanwhile, apologies for any impression of atheistic sympathies given. I blame an excess to needs education for a residual stench of godlessness.

[Alvin Moss]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

I belong to no church, Sir. I've been searching these 15 years for a spiritual home.

I know the bible only in passing, I'm afraid. You may find that perplexing in one who seeks Bible based congregation - but you'd be (with respect) mistaken. For I believe that close study of scripture can lead us astray. We begin to treat God's Word as just another text book, to be clinically studied and analysed out of all meaning. I prefer to 'absorb' the Word, via wise interpretation and songs of praise. Hallelujah.

Meantime, I may yet be bant, but if I can steer even a single soul Christwards before then, it'll have been worth it.

You have not been in Christian company, you have no Pastor and you do not know the Bible.


Are you saved and if so, how can that be if you know not the Word?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

I don't suggest the Bible is wrong ... I suggest that some of us are too imperfect a tool to safely read it. Certainly, I myself am nowhere near being the tool I could be. But I'm willing to learn .... hence my registration herein

Meanwhile, apologies for any impression of atheistic sympathies given. I blame an excess to needs education for a residual stench of godlessness.

Denying people the right to possess and read Bibles was practiced by Catholics at one time, so I question whether it is a good idea. In any case, here at Landover Baptist Church everybody must read the entire KJV Bible -constantly. You will find that it contains brilliant wisdom about the treatment of homosexuals, disobedient children, adulterers and others deserving of capital punishment. The Bible is a book that teaches us to be merciful to our slaves by beating them without knocking out their eyes or teeth. I don't see how a modern person could function without the teachings of God.

[Poordumbdirt]

Originally Posted by Alvin Moss

You have not been in Christian company, you have no Pastor and you do not know the Bible.


Are you saved and if so, how can that be if you know not the Word?

Thank you, Sir, you make worthy points.

Only the Good Lord knows if I'm truly saved of course, but I do like to flatter myself (without excess pride!) that I am.

As to my want of Biblical literacy .... I can only repeat that I have a good overview, and know some of the important points made by our Lord and Saviour. I hope this will be enough to at least start my journey with your community. I'm tired of listening to so called Christians talk about evolution as though it were true. I'm tired of seeing the adult children of Christian friends take up amplified musical instruments yet not using them to produce Christian Rock.
I'm tired of seeing otherwise Good Christians neglecting grace in deference to the presence at table of an atheist ..... etc etc. I need a community who takes God seriously.

[Poordumbdirt]

Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins

Denying people the right to possess and read Bibles was practiced by Catholics at one time, so I question whether it is a good idea. In any case, here at Landover Baptist Church everybody must read the entire KJV Bible -constantly. You will find that it contains brilliant wisdom about the treatment of homosexuals, disobedient children, adulterers and others deserving of capital punishment. The Bible is a book that teaches us to be merciful to our slaves by beating them without knocking out their eyes or teeth. I don't see how a modern person could function without the teachings of God.

You make an excellent case for the immediate purchase of a KJV, Sir.

I have only one slave (a 'celestial', as Al Swearingen would say), but a good grounding in Biblical conditioning would still be very useful. And help with kids is always welcome

[Gregory Mitch]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

Only the Good Lord knows if I'm truly saved of course, but I do like to flatter myself (without excess pride!) that I am.

You may say without exess pride, but pride nonetheless.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Poordumbdirt

You make an excellent case for the immediate purchase of a KJV, Sir.

I have only one slave (a 'celestial', as Al Swearingen would say), but a good grounding in Biblical conditioning would still be very useful. And help with kids is always welcome

Dear Demon;

A complete explanation on how to tell which Bible is the ONE TRUE Word of God can be found in my famous sermon, HERE.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Poordumbdirt]

Originally Posted by Gregory Mitch

You may say without exess pride, but pride nonetheless.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Totally. What was I thinking