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Easter is About Jesus - Period! A seasonal forum where we celebrate the true meaning of Easter. No bunnies allowed!

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Default Easter is Coming! - 02-22-2007, 06:26 AM

That's right, it's time to celebrate our Saviour's temporary sacrifice, very soon!! The first week of April!

On Good Friday, we celebrate His crucifixion. Unpleasant business, that.

On Easter Sunday, we celebrate His rising from the grave on the third day!

How do you plan to celebrate?

On Good Friday, I'm inviting a bunch of neighbors over for a special evening of movies, munchies, and merriment! I'm going to invite over the Duke family, Mr. and Mrs. Weismann, the Joneses, the Steins, the Drakes, and the Goldbergs, oh, and of course the Chambers clan! Rosa is already starting the preparations.

We'll start off with bacon-wrapped shrimp, pork rinds, and all sorts of other tasty snacks, while we sip wine or beer and get to know one another, talk about what churches we go to, and so on. Then, we'll head down to the media room and watch The Passion of the Christ on the 60" plasma screen. Oh, won't my neighbors love it!

Then, we will head out to the backyard for cheeseburgers and a nice pork roast, plus a weenie roast over a roaring bonfire!

That's just Good Friday! What about Easter Sunday, you ask?

Well, on Easter Sunday, Rosa will put out Easter eggs all over the front lawn, colored, of course. She'll leave them raw, to make the hunting more fun. After all, a child needs to learn to be careful with fragile things!

Then, we'll have all the children in Salem come over, take their baskets, and collect eggs. Once the hunt is over, the child with the most eggs wins a special prize . . . a baby chick! And then, of course, Rosa will explain to all the children that those cute baby chicks come from eggs, unless people boil them alive and eat them. Oh, how the children cry out with joy at Rosa's descriptions of the miracles of God's Creation! How something can be so cute and fuzzy, yet so tasty when scrambled . . . it's just amazing, isn't it?

Then, it'll be time for lunch. Won't the children be surprised! The Easter Bunny is coming to lunch! They'll be so excited, they will probably forget all about chicks!

Yes sir, at each of the little tables, we'll serve a roasted and stuffed rabbit. No silly chocolate Easter bunnies for Salem's children, no sir! They will have genuine roasted Easter Rabbit!

Last year, neighbors so enjoyed the event, that they've promised to bring baseball bats and tennis rackets for impromptu games with them this year! GLORY!

Last edited by OnYourKnees; 02-22-2007 at 08:45 PM.
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-22-2007, 06:38 AM

unfortunatly people do not get well because it easter. and being a nurse i have to work.
i cringed when you mention a chick for a prize. they are cute but they grow up and no longer a cute little chick and usually end up forgotton and neglected.
why dont you offer a bible instead?
linda
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Thumbs down Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-22-2007, 11:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.parrotlurves69s View Post
unfortunatly people do not get well because it easter. and being a nurse i have to work.
i suspects you one of them psyche-at-trick nurses cuz they be loonier than any loon, it true

Quote:
i cringed when you mention a chick for a prize. they are cute but they grow up and no longer a cute little chick and usually end up forgotton and neglected.
but not by you, Ms.CurrupterOfParrotInnosense! when Miss.Polly say she wanna cracka, she not mean your lily-white butts

that your molesteds parrot ---> <--- that you

Last edited by Petal; 02-22-2007 at 11:37 AM. Reason: cuz the edit button tolds me to.
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-22-2007, 11:47 AM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
That's right, it's time to celebrate our Saviour's temporary sacrifice, very soon!!

Damned europians. we're not celebrating it until April!

What, that's what I said. - OYK


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Last edited by OnYourKnees; 02-22-2007 at 08:46 PM.
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-22-2007, 11:06 PM

It will be nothing but four days of church and prayer for me, I'm happy to say. While I'm strong in Jesus, I don't want anything that will distract me from Him.
I've been having custom tiles installed in my ensuite, a glorious mosaic depicting a manly Jesus, so I hope that the messican't laborers finish in time as I'd hate to have to give them four days off. They should be finished already, but they've been so lazy and shiftless I'll be lucky to have this finished by June.


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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-23-2007, 07:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Damned europians. we're not celebrating it until April!

What, that's what I said. - OYK
Oh Dear. My eyes are playing tricks on me. Must be demons, or those kids slipped something in my coffee again.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


http://www.shangrala.org/Pictures/Christ%20Michael.jpg
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-23-2007, 04:58 PM

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Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Oh Dear. My eyes are playing tricks on me. Must be demons, or those kids slipped something in my coffee again.
We warned you about going to that "Amsterdam-style coffeehouse", Brother Mayfield!
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-23-2007, 05:43 PM

Here's what I want in my Easter Basket:

It ought to be easy for Bakeries to do this, using chocolate sticks for His Cross and a big old marshymaller for His Face.

A couple of red Gumdrops in Appropriate places could not Hurt, either!
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-23-2007, 05:53 PM

HAPPY EASTER!!
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-23-2007, 06:27 PM

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HAPPY EASTER!!
Peter Cottontail should have stuck to the Bunny Trail.

Silly Rabbit, Freeways are for Trucks!
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-25-2007, 05:57 PM

I'm going to sit down and read The New York Times!
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-25-2007, 11:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by unsavedwretch1122 View Post
I'm going to sit down and read The New York Times!
You certainly have the freedom to do so. Under your hero Lenin, you would be packed off to a gulag for reading joo propaganda like that.

Under the freedom afforded you by our Godly President GWB and the boys fighting in iraquistan, you are allowed to waste your time on pornography such as the joo york times as you like. But there will be a price to pay on judgment day. Jesus will not be mocked.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-25-2007, 11:47 PM

While considering Easter plans, do bear in mind that Peeps are known to be evil:


An evil, gloating Peep
dances to Satan's music,
Rage against the Machine.

Further evidence? Here! Follow the links, if you dare!

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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-26-2007, 12:11 AM



This is the most Foul and Depraved Creature I've seen since The Pantycake Bunny. And it's trying its darndest to lay Eggs to hatch yet more of it's Foul Spawn! Urged on, no doubt, by PETA and their minions. Disgusting

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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-26-2007, 12:21 AM

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This is the most Foul and Depraved Creature I've thing since The Pantycake Bunny. And it's trying its darndest to lay Eggs to hatch yet more of it's Foul Spawn! Urged on, no doubt, by PETA and their minions. Disgusting
A powerful reminder that Easter is about Jesus, sister. And I think this is a good time to announce a new (temporary) holiday forum: Easter is About Jesus - Dammit! So that we can avoid situations like this.


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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-26-2007, 03:21 AM

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Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
A powerful reminder that Easter is about Jesus, sister. And I think this is a good time to announce a new (temporary) holiday forum: Easter is About Jesus - Dammit! So that we can avoid situations like this.
The only thing sadder than children hunting Easter Eggs is retarded children who can't FIND the Easter Eggs.

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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-26-2007, 04:30 AM

Is this where Easter eggs REALLY come from?

GLORY!

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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-28-2007, 05:19 PM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
That's right, it's time to celebrate our Saviour's temporary sacrifice, very soon!! The first week of April!

On Good Friday, we celebrate His crucifixion. Unpleasant business, that.

On Easter Sunday, we celebrate His rising from the grave on the third day!

How do you plan to celebrate?

On Good Friday, I'm inviting a bunch of neighbors over for a special evening of movies, munchies, and merriment! I'm going to invite over the Duke family, Mr. and Mrs. Weismann, the Joneses, the Steins, the Drakes, and the Goldbergs, oh, and of course the Chambers clan! Rosa is already starting the preparations.

We'll start off with bacon-wrapped shrimp, pork rinds, and all sorts of other tasty snacks, while we sip wine or beer and get to know one another, talk about what churches we go to, and so on. Then, we'll head down to the media room and watch The Passion of the Christ on the 60" plasma screen. Oh, won't my neighbors love it!

Then, we will head out to the backyard for cheeseburgers and a nice pork roast, plus a weenie roast over a roaring bonfire!

That's just Good Friday! What about Easter Sunday, you ask?

Well, on Easter Sunday, Rosa will put out Easter eggs all over the front lawn, colored, of course. She'll leave them raw, to make the hunting more fun. After all, a child needs to learn to be careful with fragile things!

Then, we'll have all the children in Salem come over, take their baskets, and collect eggs. Once the hunt is over, the child with the most eggs wins a special prize . . . a baby chick! And then, of course, Rosa will explain to all the children that those cute baby chicks come from eggs, unless people boil them alive and eat them. Oh, how the children cry out with joy at Rosa's descriptions of the miracles of God's Creation! How something can be so cute and fuzzy, yet so tasty when scrambled . . . it's just amazing, isn't it?

Then, it'll be time for lunch. Won't the children be surprised! The Easter Bunny is coming to lunch! They'll be so excited, they will probably forget all about chicks!

Yes sir, at each of the little tables, we'll serve a roasted and stuffed rabbit. No silly chocolate Easter bunnies for Salem's children, no sir! They will have genuine roasted Easter Rabbit!

Last year, neighbors so enjoyed the event, that they've promised to bring baseball bats and tennis rackets for impromptu games with them this year! GLORY!
Ugh, Easter is only a twisted up version of the pagan holiday Ostira. What do eggs and chicks have anything to do with Jesus?


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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 02-28-2007, 05:47 PM

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Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
Ugh, Easter is only a twisted up version of the pagan holiday Ostira. What do eggs and chicks have anything to do with Jesus?
Why not start a thread about the History of Olestra in the Easter forum?

As for eggs and chicks? Simple. Eggs are fragile, so the children will learn to handle fragile things -- like their eternal salvation -- with care, or they will get "egg on their faces". Also, beautiful little chicks are born from eggs; this teaches the children about the miracle of God's creation!

Why, what else is there that can be scrambled, fried, baked into a cake, or simply left alone to develop into a cute, fuzzy chick?
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Default Re: Easter is Coming! - 03-02-2007, 08:49 PM

Heaven! I'm in Heaven!

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