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Watermelon "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 08-30-2016, 12:26 AM

"But Witch Hammer," you may protest, "who isn't smarter than a Porch Monkey?".

Well, you have a valid point there, friend. There are precious few creatures upon God's flat earth that are as mentally sluggish as the retrograde Hamite...but there are some that come darned close.

Diaper heads, wetbacks, prairie negroes and microcephalic toddlers, for example. Recruiting contestants from these population groups would help level the playing field (more or less) and make the game more sporting.

Before I can pitch the idea to TBN, I need to work out some more details, like the actual elements of the game, etc. I don't want to too closely mimic Brother Foxworthy's format for fear of being sued by a fellow BiC for intellectual piracy.

Also, there is the matter of cash and prizes for the winners. Give a minority a few bucks, and he'll blow it on hard liquor and hookers the second he leaves the studio, amen? I don't feel that enabling already morally deficient scum by giving them wads of cash would be in keeping with the scriptures...maybe a briefcase full of Chic Tracts and a two week, all-expenses-paid vacation to a good Christian Boot Camp?


Suggestions are welcome...
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Default Re: "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 08-30-2016, 03:24 AM

I would certainly watch a show like that, but I'm not sure I would know all the answers. That's not really my peer group.


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Eagle Re: "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 08-30-2016, 03:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
That's not really my peer group.
That's pretty rich for some one who self-identifies as a porch dweller.


Ack!
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Question Re: "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 08-30-2016, 03:48 AM

Brother Hammer,

Is the game show going to include also elementary problem solving. Please, bear with me. I know that this might be the harbinger of a disaster of falling ratings (), as problem solving is by definition extremely difficult for those of lesser cognitive capacities. However, I suggest a simple maze of the kind represented below, as it is something a rat can solve two times out of three. This could be the pivotal test in semi-finals?



In addition, we could mine the Bible for some riddles and tests. What about the Riddle of Samson in the season finale?

Judges 14:14
And he said unto them, Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness. And they could not in three days expound the riddle.

And, finally, some "The Apprentice" type (please ask The Donald first) tasks might increase the spectator demographics. What about reproducing Matthew 25:14-30 including the outer darkness outcome for the season finale?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 08-30-2016, 05:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
However, I suggest a simple maze of the kind represented below, as it is something a rat can solve two times out of three. This could be the pivotal test in semi-finals?


It'd work if you put a welfare check and a pile of drugs in place of the candy bar...





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Default Re: "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 08-30-2016, 06:19 PM

I always enjoyed those shopping cart contests - like how fast can a contestant fill up a shopping cart with food stamp qualifying items. Maybe also a contest to see how fast a contestant can run through one of those ObamaPhone minute packs.


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Default Re: "Are You Smarter than a Porch Monkey?" - game show pitch - 09-01-2016, 10:13 AM

I am sure this show would be very popular with the colored help. Could I request the network show it outside their regular work hours (5am to 10 pm), so they can have a chance to sit down and enjoy it.


Another fun part of the game could be "Who's your daddy?", with the PM having to pick out the real father from a line up of 5 or 6. Of course would need to liaise with correctional authorities. Most potential daddies would need to come with a prison guard. Be a hoot if the PM picked one of the guards!
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