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Default Re: Leaving my Church - 06-29-2011, 06:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by New Creation View Post
[...]
I told her to get me a nine ounce sirloin steak and a cold beer and meet me at the grill. She got a steak out of the bottom freezer drawer as I walked toward the sliding glass door leading to the rear patio. I fired up the grill as she brought the plate, glass, beer, ice, barbeque sauce, tongs, brush, and hand towel to me. By this time I was really hungry and getting irritated at how long it took her.

[...]

Tell me, men of the church, does a deacon do his own cooking? Almost never. Please let me know if Jesus has a problem with me cooking my own steak.
Brother, forgive me; I am not one of these "Food Snobs" that seem to be springing up like thistles in June. But you may need to serve your wife with both hands, and soon...

There is NO EXCUSE as to why you would have frozen meat in your household, when you have a wife that could just as easily walk to the store and retrieve you a fresh steak in the same time it would take to defrost a frozen one.

To your question:

Genesis 1:26 says MAN shall reign over all animals! Thus, it's a Mans' choice to oversee and grill them in tasty sauces.
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Default Re: Leaving my Church - 04-03-2012, 11:15 AM

I never eat anything frozen. The meat I eat is raw hot & sizzling (in that order). Thank you for your guidance in this matter, Mr Fingers
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Default Re: Leaving my Church - 04-03-2012, 09:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by New Creation View Post
I realize I have been here but a very short time, but regardless, I ask all of you to intercede before the Throne on my behalf in these coming weeks.
You know, for a moment I thought you were asking for help in your bathroom. But now I understand.

Quote:
Some of the women who "volunteer" to cook dinner for the rest of the church for our monthly Fellowship dinner have begun murmuring that the men of the church should start helping them cook.
What are your womenfolk doing even talking in Church?

Quote:
And that's not the worst of it. Some of the men have started going along with this nonsense.
What's next, hanging out in the spa with Ted Haggard?

Quote:
I immediately took the man aside and asked him why he wasn't doing his duty as head of the house and rebuking his harlot of a wife.
It sounds like you are an excellent deacon.

Quote:
the senior pastor
Quote:
... all he would say is that we should feel for her because she's pregnant.
Did he go to seminary in Granada, by any chance? The Bible says that women are supposed to suffer to bear children. How could this man not know this?

Quote:
I told my wife what happened and told her to stop mopping and come to our prayer closet immediately.
Exactly the proper Christian thing to do.

Quote:
I believe that God is calling me to step down as deacon and board member and leave this church because of the apparent decay among its members.
I will certainly pray for you, but it sounds to me like the Holy Spirit has already told you what you need to do. If you don't mind my asking, what's your FICO score? You might qualify for membership at Landover Baptist. You're obviously our kind of Christian.


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Default Re: Leaving my Church - 04-04-2012, 05:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
I never eat anything frozen. The meat I eat is raw hot & sizzling (in that order). Thank you for your guidance in this matter, Mr Fingers
I don't even own a freezer.
I am ready for the rapture and I consider having a freezer as lack of faith in the imminent return of our Saviour Jesus Christ.

Shout Glory!


"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
John 8:32
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Default Re: Leaving my Church - 04-08-2012, 01:18 AM

New Creation (Recalcitrant) - not quite sure of this poster's status but am a little anxious concerning that child.

Quote:
As a deacon it's my job to visit the enfeabled and elderly in their homes to see if the church can assist them. This morning, I stopped in on a man whose wife is pregnant
It's the enfeebled and elderly bit. How old is this libertine? By "elderly" I would understand over 80. Feeble men are not noted for their energy in matters of child production nor are octogenarian women. How old is this wife? To even own gym-shorts would place her with the under 20's I'd assume and I am concerned that the child might not qualify for membership of any Godly congregation.
Matthew 7:17 Euen so, euery good tree bringeth forth good fruit: but a corrupt tree bringeth forth euill fruit.
©1611
We know that the slattern mother is paraded about dressed like some bus-stop harlot in lycra & boastful pride
I JOHN 2
14
I haue written vnto you, fathers, because ye haue knowen him that is from the beginning. I haue written vnto you, young men, because yee are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and yee haue ouercome the wicked one.
15 Loue not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man loue the world, the loue of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

©1611
is this woman proud of her condition? Or ashamed.

I understand that "gym shorts" are featured strongly on certain television programmes: Ærobics Oz Style and Healthy Breakfast Cereal adverts and just about any excuse to get lissom females bending and stretching even dogfood commercials show undersized-lycra clad strumpets preening with their glossy dobermans or fluffy poodles or vivacious bull terriers and they never show much above the waistline (especially in the latter example) I have heard so we don't have to imagine the revolting sight confronting any knockers on that door do we.

No we don't.

It seems that Mr Creation may have ceased contact with the congregation.

Quote:
It's my duty as Deacon to report any unusual activity in the congregation to the senior pastor.
He was pooh-poohed. But further investigation into the child's paternity would seem to be in order and a denunciation at the "dedication" service or whatever liberal pseudoChristians call it, could present a wonderful opportunity for revival.

I will focus on this aspect of Mr Creation's dilemma in my prayers [subject to pastoral approval].
HEBREWS 4
13
Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked, and opened vnto the eyes of him with whome wee haue to doe.
14 Seeing then that wee haue a great high Priest, that is passed into the heauens, Iesus the Sonne of God, let vs hold fast our profession.
15 For wee haue not an high Priest which cannot bee touched with the feeling of our infirmities: but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sinne.
16 Let vs therefore come boldly vnto the throne of grace, that wee may obtaine mercy, and finde grace to helpe in time of need.

©1611
Hallejujah!
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