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Bible Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-20-2015, 06:20 AM

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Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
What sort of hocus pocus is that? Superstitious wiccan stuff! Pain isn't like a loaf of bread that can be cut with a knife! Where in the Bible does God say that you can cut pain in half with a knife, or a sword, or a dagger?
Exactly, Brother Jim.

Pain is commanded by Jesus. Jesus WANTS women to writhe in anguish during childbirth because of the harlotry that was exemplified by the first woman. In addition to the well-known Genesis 3:16, there are also other verses that clearly indicate how agony is an integral part of the Fallen world and human reproduction.

1 Thessalonians 5:3
For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape.


Thus, NO escape.

Revelation 12:2
And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered.


I find this discussion somewhat redundant as all the women need is Trust in Jesus. The reward for this pain is exquisite. It is the only chance for women to gain Salvation.

1 Timothy 2:15

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.


Brethren and especially Sisters, the pains of childbirth open up the magnificent path to our Home in Heaven. It is too precious to cast away based on secular support groups.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-20-2015, 10:21 AM

Of course the English have produced some communistic propaganda for meal-time viewing, as I was revolted to read:

Set on a busy maternity ward, . The Delivery Man focuses on a man who changes careers.
Newly qualified midwife Matthew Bunting is experiencing a kind of re-birth, having given up his life as a police constable in his mid-30s in the hope of finding something more meaningful. He is too warm and caring to be a cop. Arriving in his first job as a junior midwife at Easthill Park Maternity Unit, Matthew makes an instant impact on his new team members.

The hospital team are led by recently divorced senior midwife Caitlin, witty and likeable junior midwife Lisa, the extremely no-nonsense senior midwife Pat and naďve trouble-maker Tash. Matthew has company from his former police buddy Ian who gets suspended from the force and lands a job in hospital security, while his nemesis comes in the shape of senior consultant obstetrician Luke Edward. The team have to contend with teenage parents, a 'double dad' who has two partners in labour, a pregnant prisoner on release, an incognito celebrity, a major theft from the drugs cupboard and an abandoned baby.

Well if the alarm bells aren't ringing after that an emergency meeting with our Senior Pastor should be booked immediately. The highlighted portions are all well known code words of the left except for his first job as a junior midwife which although not bafflegab in the strictest sense nevertheless conceals strong liberal undercurrents of the sort we've come to expect from England.

abandoned baby ·· And need we ask whether this child will set his people free?
drugs ·· Hardly; between them the French, Germans and English seem to have invented just about everything in this department
pregnant prisoner ·· Entirely gratuitous combination of wanton with crook to normalise satanic lifestyle options
nemesis ·· They love this word. Jesus meets His nemesis in us they crow, announcing new gender identities daily
former police buddy ·· Dumped by the police but accepted by leftie agendaniks
The hospital team are led by recently divorced senior midwife Caitlin ·· in direct contravention of Scripture
team members ·· (weasel words) There's no team really, just a programme to deconstruct genderstereotypification
impact ·· Yes, I will genderstereotype-deconstruct you all (so just another weasel word)
his first job as a junior midwife ·· And off we go; next week they'll pronounce discrimination against some deluded princess who wants to marry the frog
warm and caring ·· (more weasel) Attempt any Biblical standard and you'll see how caring the leftists really are
meaningful ·· How many of the 10 Commandments have been criminalised so far? Six? Seven?
re-birth ·· Big time commie code-word, means virtually anything (therefore a weasel word) EXCEPT being born again in Jesus


Yes, this is the standard of England. Where communism was invented by bourgeois dilettantes with nothing better to do than spew garbage about free love and evolution. Where atheist clergy pronounce Jesus Magnificent Conquest over death a conjuring trick with bones:

Quote:
The poll of nearly 2,000 of the Church's 10,000 clergy also found that only half believe that faith in Christ is the only route to salvation.
While it has long been known that numerous clerics are dubious about the historic creeds of the Church, the survey is the first to disclose how widespread is the scepticism.
Few bishops would now share the views of the former Bishop of Durham, the Rt Rev David Jenkins, who caused a scandal in the 1980s when he contrasted the Resurrection with a "conjuring trick with bones".
Nevertheless liberal clergy, who represent about one in eight of the total, remain profoundly uncertain about the Church's core doctrines. In the survey, two thirds of them expressed doubts in the physical Resurrection and three quarters are unconvinced by the Virgin birth.
Wherever you are Mr White these attacks on Jesus, and now on midwifery itself, must alarm you as much as it does me. And to think it's broadcast at mealtime, right between the soup and the fish; the Scripture you posted has been an encouragement to me and I'm sure to others too.

If this travesty makes it out of the country, be warned, it is blatant propaganda for the atheist agenda and contradicts God in every conceivable way.
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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-21-2015, 01:20 AM

Does anyone know of a good nanny to help me with my child? Naomi, Mrs. Lamb, or Mister Lamb, how good is Sarah Elizabeth with dealing with babies? I need a trustworthy nanny while I'm unclean post-childbirth.


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-21-2015, 11:00 AM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
Does anyone know of a good nanny to help me with my child? Naomi, Mrs. Lamb, or Mister Lamb, how good is Sarah Elizabeth with dealing with babies? I need a trustworthy nanny while I'm unclean post-childbirth.
Remember, the child is unclean too. So you may care for it in your menstra hut.


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burger Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-21-2015, 03:14 PM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
Does anyone know of a good nanny to help me with my child? Naomi, Mrs. Lamb, or Mister Lamb, how good is Sarah Elizabeth with dealing with babies? I need a trustworthy nanny while I'm unclean post-childbirth.
Good help is so hard to find these days. Make sure she knows how to preserve and prepare your placenta for nutritious and delicious pick-me-ups. Good health is nothing to sneeze at. I would be pleased if she could share any new recipes here. Thank you.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-24-2015, 12:45 AM

My wife, Mrs. Hutchins births babies the natural way, often at the kitchen sink doing dishes or out in the barn when pitching hay though I have to confess, I really do not know.
It is a woman's thing to expel a baby and not very attractive. Right around the fourth month, the smell of a female being with child really ruins a mans appetite and I cannot stand all the mood swings. The last thing I want is to be served a dinner or have my shirts ironed by a weepy female.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-24-2015, 03:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
My wife, Mrs. Hutchins births babies the natural way, often at the kitchen sink doing dishes or out in the barn when pitching hay though I have to confess, I really do not know.
It is a woman's thing to expel a baby and not very attractive. Right around the fourth month, the smell of a female being with child really ruins a mans appetite and I cannot stand all the mood swings. The last thing I want is to be served a dinner or have my shirts ironed by a weepy female.
Mr. Hutchins,

As a pregnant women now in her sixth month, I can assure you that if your wife is a controlled, godly woman, she will not show her mood swings and will control them. My husband says he never knows if I'm having a bad day or not -- I am always there with a smile, a hot meal and beer, dry eyes, a pretty dress, and a clean house. If I'm not behaving that well, my husband always gives me a backhand and reminds me that I'm blessed to be pregnant since I'll go to heaven that way.

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-25-2015, 04:53 PM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
Does anyone know of a good nanny to help me with my child? Naomi, Mrs. Lamb, or Mister Lamb, how good is Sarah Elizabeth with dealing with babies? I need a trustworthy nanny while I'm unclean post-childbirth.
Sarah Liz still lives in Toms River, New Jersey. As you know, not quite a year ago she had begun attending a Pentecostal Church, but when Mother went out there, she was able to get Sarah back to a Baptist church where the men exorcised her for hours until they were completely satisfied. (that the demons were gone)

She sold her business and has dedicated her life to serving Jesus again. I shall ask if she would be interested in this position since she has not yet married (she is almost 30 now) and would be a most kind and attentive caregiver for your soon to be born soldier of Christ. In fact, I'll call her now!

Well, five minutes have passed since I began this message to you, dear. Sarah Liz has been in correspondence with a suitor from California. Perhaps this is God's way of putting those two together! Glory! She is interested and would love to speak with you by phone. I must warn you that Sarah has a few phobias: she can't be around spiders, for example. It's disturbing to hear her scream if she sees one while out shopping. However, her patience and kindness and ability to care for your little one are outstanding; she has often worked in the church nursery where the parents have said nothing but good things about her. Won't you let me know how the interview goes? I will not give your phone number out so I have sent you a private message with hers.

In Christ's love, darling!
NRL


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 04-26-2015, 08:52 PM

Naomi, I spoke with your sister a little bit ago. The interview went well, her kind, generous nature is well, and I'm pleased with how she has a firm undertone. However, my husband and I are a little worried about a former Pentecostal...if you could have her send me a few references I'll look more into her background. As the sister of a True Christian, I know she's probably a fine lady, but my husband always says it's better to be safe than sorry.

Your sister in Christ,
Elizabeth


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 05-02-2015, 08:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
Naomi, I spoke with your sister a little bit ago. The interview went well, her kind, generous nature is well, and I'm pleased with how she has a firm undertone. However, my husband and I are a little worried about a former Pentecostal...if you could have her send me a few references I'll look more into her background. As the sister of a True Christian, I know she's probably a fine lady, but my husband always says it's better to be safe than sorry.

Your sister in Christ,
Elizabeth
I trust you received the references I sent. Remember that you will need to provide moving expenses - it's the right and proper thing to do, Darling.

NRL


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 05-28-2015, 01:56 PM

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Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
Remember, the child is unclean too. So you may care for it in your menstra hut.
Friend, I couldn't agree more. Unclean is not even the word for it, as you can read from this report. Please excuse the foul language (from a secular source) - I've done my best to sanitize but some references to the lady-parts is unfortunately necessary.

Quote:
C-Section Babies May Miss Out On The Benefits Of The **obscenity removed** Microbome


In the **obscenity removed**, an infant’s gut is sterile, but it is colonized with bacteria immediately following birth. Most babies acquire their mother’s bacteria in the **obscenity removed** canal on their way into the world. Researchers have shown that if a baby is born **obscenity removed**, its bacterial community resembles that of the mother’s **obscenity removed**. If a baby is born by C-section, its bacterial community resembles that of the mother’s skin.
Let that sink in, friend... the mother's lady-parts filth is passed into the infant's gut when it passes through the lady-parts canal. How you ask? HOW?? I'm too shocked to think clearly about it right now. The disgusting female and infant should be disinfected immediately after birth so the baby's pristine, sterile gut can be maintained.

WARNING - women and children should not read the next paragraph which reveals the true sickness of secular liberals.

Quote:
Babies born **obscenity removed** are naturally inoculated during birth. Babies born via C-section could receive the same benefits with this simple procedure, mimicking the process of a natural passage into the world. After reading a great deal of scientific literature in the days leading up to my own delivery, I became increasingly convinced that I didn’t want to wait for the results of a clinical trial. I wanted my baby to receive the microbial community that Mother Nature had provided me as a mother. In the end, my daughter flipped and I delivered her **obscenity removed**. But if she hadn’t, I would have taken things into my own hands, quite literally, and inoculated her myself shortly after birth by putting some of my **obscenity removed** into her mouth.


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Default Re: Birthing advice-Gentlemen might not want to read - 05-29-2015, 02:05 AM

Thank you for cleaning this up for me, and all the other ladies! "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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