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Default Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 07:38 PM

Brothers,

I have mixed emotions with this announcement, but I do not see an alternative. Some time ago in my town of Lexington, Kentucky, voted in it's first openly gay mayor. I think I was so shocked I went into denial, you always hear those stories about traumatic events causing memory blocks.
Quote:
As Kentucky voters ushered in a major senate victory for the Tea Party on Tuesday night, the state’s second-largest city also elected its first openly gay mayor.
How does this happen in Kentucky?

As time went on I started to notice some odd things. First, I thought there was a sailing convention in town (which is odd for Kentucky). I kept seeing a lot of VW Jetta's and Honda Civics driving around with rainbow stickers, you always see this pattern on the sails of sailing boats. A week later there were more and more so I had asked a friend if he had noticed the same thing (these more than happy sailors that only seemed to play Madonna and Lady GaGa). It was then explained to me that this is the satanic symbol of queer folk and not enthusiastic Christian sailors.

Oh I prayed Brothers, I prayed day and night for this plague to pass and on the third day I left the house praising Jesus that the locusts had come and gone. Alas, it was worse....

Now most of you know I do not use public washrooms if I don't absolutely have to, they are a breeding ground for the AID. Well, today was one of those days; I was at the mall picking up a few things and was not going to make it home in time. I was alone and standing at a random urinal when a man stood next to me (We all know this is a violation of urinal etiquette). I stood my ground staring straight ahead when it started; I could hear the tapping of his shoe, light at first but growing stronger, feeling his gaze upon me I looked over and then he did it - OH BROTHERS - he "winked" at me.

Time stopped, and instinct took over. As a child I attended a Christian self defense program that taught yelling "FIRE!!" was the most effective way to attract attention (as virtually no one comes if you yell "HELP!!). So with God in my heart and thunder in my lungs I yelled like I have never yelled before: "FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!!". What happened after that is not too clear. I do remember sitting outside with a fireman and many injured people being treated, but all I could think is that I have to leave Kentucky, I have to protect my family. Kentucky is now a den of evil and homersexuality.

That night I made the call to Brother Harold Porter, and he suggested I officially ask Landover Baptist if they would accept The Creeser klan in their good graces. Where is the best place in Freehold for my Family? Leviticus Landing? Downtown? Freehold Mobile Estates?

Warm Regards,

John and Family.
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 08:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser View Post
Brothers,

I have mixed emotions with this announcement, but I do not see an alternative. Some time ago in my town of Lexington, Kentucky, voted in it's first openly gay mayor. I think I was so shocked I went into denial, you always hear those stories about traumatic events causing memory blocks.
How does this happen in Kentucky?

As time went on I started to notice some odd things. First, I thought there was a sailing convention in town (which is odd for Kentucky). I kept seeing a lot of VW Jetta's and Honda Civics driving around with rainbow stickers, you always see this pattern on the sails of sailing boats. A week later there were more and more so I had asked a friend if he had noticed the same thing (these more than happy sailors that only seemed to play Madonna and Lady GaGa). It was then explained to me that this is the satanic symbol of queer folk and not enthusiastic Christian sailors.

Oh I prayed Brothers, I prayed day and night for this plague to pass and on the third day I left the house praising Jesus that the locusts had come and gone. Alas, it was worse....

Now most of you know I do not use public washrooms if I don't absolutely have to, they are a breeding ground for the AID. Well, today was one of those days; I was at the mall picking up a few things and was not going to make it home in time. I was alone and standing at a random urinal when a man stood next to me (We all know this is a violation of urinal etiquette). I stood my ground staring straight ahead when it started; I could hear the tapping of his shoe, light at first but growing stronger, feeling his gaze upon me I looked over and then he did it - OH BROTHERS - he "winked" at me.

Time stopped, and instinct took over. As a child I attended a Christian self defense program that taught yelling "FIRE!!" was the most effective way to attract attention (as virtually no one comes if you yell "HELP!!). So with God in my heart and thunder in my lungs I yelled like I have never yelled before: "FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!!". What happened after that is not too clear. I do remember sitting outside with a fireman and many injured people being treated, but all I could think is that I have to leave Kentucky, I have to protect my family. Kentucky is now a den of evil and homersexuality.

That night I made the call to Brother Harold Porter, and he suggested I officially ask Landover Baptist if they would accept The Creeser klan in their good graces. Where is the best place in Freehold for my Family? Leviticus Landing? Downtown? Freehold Mobile Estates?

Warm Regards,

John and Family.
Brother John, that is alarming what is happening to your state. I just don't understand it as I live in nearby OH and Christianity is on the upswing here. Just yesterday the local news told of a group of Christians were going to go door to door in order to pass out Bibles in Youngstown. They are endeavoring to reduce crime because their studies show crime is a result of not having a bible in the home.

In Warren a new church whose minister is an ex gay person will pray the gay out of homersexurals. He has a flock of church members to prove that prayer really works. Since he has to lay the hands on the member during prayer he mainly ministers to males and not lesbianismists.

With such a revival of Christian values here, I hope and pray that the fire and fervor will infect your Godless state too. But in case it doesn't, I thank God for the fact that you have a place like Freehold to which you and your family can escape from such a vile state.

I'm just a Bible Student and have zero influence in Freehold, but I hope our Pastors and Ministers can help you cut through the red tape, and I am putting in a good word for you for what it is worth.


YiJC, BS

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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 09:13 PM

Quote:
I'm just a Bible Student and have zero influence in Freehold, but I hope our Pastors and Ministers can help you cut through the red tape, and I am putting in a good word for you for what it is worth.
Brother Student, any help would be appreciated.

I've lived in Kentucky all my life, and I'm besides myself with how fast Kentucky is slipping into the bowels of hell. I suspect Obama's gay agenda is in full swing.
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 09:33 PM

You and the Creeser Klan are welcome to stay in the guesthouse behind my cottage on Woodlawn Drive. Polly in the Church offices has the key.

In fact, as I am leaving town tomorrow, you can all stay in the main house if you prefer.

The whole property has served as a sort of Underground Railroad for persecuted Christians in the past, and I am happy to help.
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 09:40 PM

Mr. Creeser, I've sent you a PM with a fax number. Please forward all relevant financial information so we can determine your tithing status and set you up with a real estate agent who will best suit your income bracket.


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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 09:47 PM

Quote:
You and the Creeser Klan are welcome to stay in the guesthouse behind my cottage on Woodlawn Drive. Polly in the Church offices has the key.

In fact, as I am leaving town tomorrow, you can all stay in the main house if you prefer.

The whole property has served as a sort of Underground Railroad for persecuted Christians in the past, and I am happy to help.
My wife is in tears by your display of True Christian Kindness™. Many blessings.

Quote:
Mr. Creeser, I've sent you a PM with a fax number. Please forward all relevant financial information so we can determine your tithing status and set you up with a real estate agent who will best suit your income bracket.
But of course Sister Maria, I will do that at once!
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 10:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser View Post
My wife is in tears by your display of True Christian Kindness™. Many blessings.
You're all very, very welcome. I'm pming you the address, but the street is a cul-de-sac and the numbers are confusing.
The main house looks like this:




The guesthouse is behind, even though it looks like another residence.
Don't worry, you're in the right place:




Sister Vavoline Johnson comes in twice a week to tidy up, so don't be alarmed if you see a dark face in the window or anything. She's harmless.
.
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 10:18 PM

Wow, Sister Cookie, it's a like a castle!! You should see the boys eyes lighting up.

Quote:
Sister Vavoline Johnson comes in twice a week to tidy up, so don't be alarmed if you see a dark face in the window or anything. She's harmless.
I'm really relieved you let me know this, I tend to have a knee jerk reaction when seeing darkies looking at me from outside. I'll let the family know so we don't have any "accidents".!
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 10:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser View Post
Wow, Sister Cookie, it's a like a castle!! You should see the boys eyes lighting up.
I'm sorry, I just had to have a chuckle at this My little cottage is one of the most modest ones in the congregation! I'm sure you're just being polite....but I'm glad you like it.

Oh yes. My little babe Ginger Belle is going to get walked by a neighbor, but if one of your boys could play with her every now and then, I'm sure she'd appreciate it. She will be very lonely with me away.

She can get a little "snappy" when she's nervous, but all the drawers in the houses and all the glove compartments in the cars are stocked with her treats....so if you can manage to make it to a drawer if she's "acting up", you're safe. Just throw the treats at her and she'll get distracted.
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 10:55 PM

What an adorable dog - it'll make the boys happy too. They've been a little blue since I had to shoot Buddy (our last dog) for leaving a "present" in the front hall.

Rest asssured though, you can trust us to take care of little Ginger Belle
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Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-22-2011, 11:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Creeser View Post
Rest asssured though, you can trust us to take care of little Ginger Belle
THANK YOU! I'm sure she'll behave. Just don't try to change her clothes, because you have to do it a special way.

Also, she can get kind of territorial about "our" room. (It's the one with the big gold bed and the heart-shaped pillows.) So I would just steer clear of that one!

If you stay in the guesthouse, there's only 2 bedrooms out there. If your boys are at an age where you think it's wise to split them up at night, the middle part of the banquette in the morning room off the kitchen pulls out into a bed, if you move the table.

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Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound True Christian™ Real American™ Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Flat Earth Tell her once Protected by JESUS One Year/1000 posts Bronze Tither Porn Resistant Pro-Life Persecuted Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Hotrodder Kirk Cameron Fan Club Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter True Christian Artist Saved 5 Years Long service medal, 3rd class 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mower Stamp of Approval Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Barney BFF of Jesus

 
Posts: 7,220
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freehold, Iowa
John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-23-2011, 12:21 AM

Sister Cookie we'll make sure your Godly home will be exactly how you left it. If I have to discipline either the wife or the boys, I'll make sure to lay down some plastic or take them outside.

Eternally grateful,

John
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Brother Harold Porter's Avatar
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
Landover Senior Outreach
Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
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Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Bronze Tither True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ Friend of Jesus Ex-Gay Flat Earth One Year/1000 posts Ex-liberal Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Provider™ award Punched the most queers Tagging for Jesus Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Saved 5 Years 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Stamp of Approval The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Public Awareness Medal Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts BFF of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Asked questions later Trump of GOD True Heterosexual™

 
Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-26-2011, 12:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Mr. Creeser, I've sent you a PM with a fax number. Please forward all relevant financial information so we can determine your tithing status and set you up with a real estate agent who will best suit your income bracket.
My Sister in Christ,

I have refrained from comment while Brother Cresser's financials and FICO score are pending review. While I believe that our Brother is of ample and self-sustaining means, I await your approval to ensure that he will be a firm and upstanding member of Freehold, and a generous contributor to our benevolent Church. I doubt he is one that would gyp Jesus.

In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Brother Harold Porter's Avatar
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
Landover Senior Outreach
Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Bronze Tither True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ Friend of Jesus Ex-Gay Flat Earth One Year/1000 posts Ex-liberal Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Provider™ award Punched the most queers Tagging for Jesus Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Saved 5 Years 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Stamp of Approval The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Public Awareness Medal Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts BFF of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Asked questions later Trump of GOD True Heterosexual™

 
Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-26-2011, 01:22 AM

My Brother Creeser,

As we await the financial green light, are you adverse to a very slight scent of curry? I ask because the Singhs recently vacated a gorgeous doublewide with some very nice upgrades only a few spaces down from the Porter home.

If the attraction of this fantastic property doesn't immediately make you want to call Freehold Mobile Estates home, I can assure you the amenities of the park will.

In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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John Creeser's Avatar
John Creeser John Creeser is offline
Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
 

Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound True Christian™ Real American™ Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Flat Earth Tell her once Protected by JESUS One Year/1000 posts Bronze Tither Porn Resistant Pro-Life Persecuted Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Hotrodder Kirk Cameron Fan Club Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter True Christian Artist Saved 5 Years Long service medal, 3rd class 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mower Stamp of Approval Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Barney BFF of Jesus

 
Posts: 7,220
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freehold, Iowa
John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!John Creeser will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Requesting locating to Landover - 02-26-2011, 02:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
My Brother Creeser,

As we await the financial green light, are you adverse to a very slight scent of curry? I ask because the Singhs recently vacated a gorgeous doublewide with some very nice upgrades only a few spaces down from the Porter home.

If the attraction of this fantastic property doesn't immediately make you want to call Freehold Mobile Estates home, I can assure you the amenities of the park will.

In Christ
Brother Porter - My family and I are soldiers for Christ (well except for the cook/wife - but my sons and I) if my forefathers could overcome mustard gas, surely we can tolerate the foul odor of curry. Certainly nothing a little American made bleach can't take care of (and a Pastors blessing to rid the evil spirits).

My humble thanks to you for the real estate lead Brother, as you know we are desperate. I should have affairs settled here within the week, once I've been given the green light from the DoF, we're on the road and Freehold bound.

My sincere thanks to Sister Cookie for putting us up. I cannot wait for you all to try my wifes pie. Prepare for the taste bud rapture
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