This is a truly inspired message, brother Bob. It took a lot of courage to admit such a thing. I know Jesus will reward you for it in the afterlife.
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
I think we need to go on a retreat together to you can properly reconnect with God. The Holy Spirit is telling me that if we can surround ourselves around and pray over you, it should clear things up for you again.
That's the thing I always do when I have questions. I take them to the congregation. That way they can all work to consult with me, so we can work these things out together.
That's why you will always find my office door open. It's that or I will come to you if you miss another Sunday.