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Default Faking Demon Possession - 05-10-2013, 02:41 AM

I am madder than a chink in a spoon factory about the prank Jimmy-Roy's boy Tommy played on me at Baptism on Wednesday night.

Here I am, practically donating my time to Baptize a group of white trash tin tithers from South Freehold, and this half-wit kid Tommy walks up wanting to be Baptized. So I say the words, he gets in the Baptismal Pool, and no sooner did I dunk him down in the pool, when he starts flopping and splashing around, making all manner of ungodly sounds, and foam pouring out from his wet body! I began hurling Prayers at him to expel satan from the boy's body! I pulled out all the stops! I did one-on-one battle with Lucifer himself!




....I found out today that the boy had filled his pockets with Alka-Seltzer tablets.


Jimmy-Roy, I hold you responsible for this! It's Blasphemy! Jesus is furious!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Holly Graham Holly Graham is offline
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Default Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-10-2013, 02:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I am madder than a chink in a spoon factory about the prank Jimmy-Roy's boy Tommy played on me at Baptism on Wednesday night.

Here I am, practically donating my time to Baptize a group of white trash tin tithers from South Freehold, and this half-wit kid Tommy walks up wanting to be Baptized. So I say the words, he gets in the Baptismal Pool, and no sooner did I dunk him down in the pool, when he starts flopping and splashing around, making all manner of ungodly sounds, and foam pouring out from his wet body! I began hurling Prayers at him to expel satan from the boy's body! I pulled out all the stops! I did one-on-one battle with Lucifer himself!




....I found out today that the boy had filled his pockets with Alka-Seltzer tablets.


Jimmy-Roy, I hold you responsible for this! It's Blasphemy! Jesus is furious!
I'll have you know that Mr. Holly has spent the last 2 hours beating the living Word into our 18 children, after they couldn't stop laughing in church last night!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to chase and zip tie 5 boys writhing on the floor laughing hysterically, 5 more imitating Pastor Zeke "freaking out," 5 more imitating Tommy, by swallowing dish soap to make their mouths foam, and three girls furious that they had to clean up the mess (and made to clean the entire house since they were complaining)?

I think Mr. Holly wore out 5 rods, trying to get them all to be quiet, and now Mr. Holly said that I and my swollen pregnant belly have to spend the next 4 hours on my knees in prayer for raising such heathens.

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Default Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-10-2013, 03:55 AM

Dear Holly;

Tell your husband to fuck off. Pastor Zeke and myself can make much more use of you on your knees for four hours.

YIC

Deaner
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-10-2013, 03:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deaner View Post
Dear Holly;

Tell your husband to fuck off. Pastor Zeke and myself can make much more use of you on your knees for four hours.

YIC

Deaner
Are you high?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-10-2013, 02:23 PM

I'm beyond angry that anyone would simply fake demon possession for their own purposes and mislead anyone LET ALONE A PASTOR OF THE LORD!

When you see the glory of a true exorcism of a demon for yourself anyone faking it just to hoodwink the gullible for their own twisted purposes shines out. Alka Seltzer? I'm truly appalled and I hope that boy's backside is red raw.



You just can't fake the real deal.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

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Default Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-10-2013, 04:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Are you high?
Yes. On the love you provide thru Christ.
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Default Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-11-2013, 09:27 PM

Hi their Pastoer Ezekal Sir when I found out i used the belt on tommy for the longest time that boy aint' never been right in the head i dont' know why it couldnt' of been nothing i did but ill' make it up to you whatever you want me to do ill' do it.
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Smile Re: Faking Demon Possession - 05-12-2013, 12:22 AM

I knew that boy was trouble from the day he dove in your old baptismal pool, you know, the one you had the image of you performing the baptism done in tile on the bottom? If memory serves, the boy cracked a whole lot of irreplaceable tiles and you had to use another pool on the other end of your property.
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Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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