Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more! |
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Faking Demon Possession -
05-10-2013, 02:41 AM
I am madder than a chink in a spoon factory about the prank Jimmy-Roy's boy Tommy played on me at Baptism on Wednesday night.
Here I am, practically donating my time to Baptize a group of white trash tin tithers from South Freehold, and this half-wit kid Tommy walks up wanting to be Baptized. So I say the words, he gets in the Baptismal Pool, and no sooner did I dunk him down in the pool, when he starts flopping and splashing around, making all manner of ungodly sounds, and foam pouring out from his wet body! I began hurling Prayers at him to expel satan from the boy's body! I pulled out all the stops! I did one-on-one battle with Lucifer himself!
....I found out today that the boy had filled his pockets with Alka-Seltzer tablets.
Jimmy-Roy, I hold you responsible for this! It's Blasphemy! Jesus is furious!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 343
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: On permanent leave
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-10-2013, 02:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I am madder than a chink in a spoon factory about the prank Jimmy-Roy's boy Tommy played on me at Baptism on Wednesday night.
Here I am, practically donating my time to Baptize a group of white trash tin tithers from South Freehold, and this half-wit kid Tommy walks up wanting to be Baptized. So I say the words, he gets in the Baptismal Pool, and no sooner did I dunk him down in the pool, when he starts flopping and splashing around, making all manner of ungodly sounds, and foam pouring out from his wet body! I began hurling Prayers at him to expel satan from the boy's body! I pulled out all the stops! I did one-on-one battle with Lucifer himself!
....I found out today that the boy had filled his pockets with Alka-Seltzer tablets.
Jimmy-Roy, I hold you responsible for this! It's Blasphemy! Jesus is furious!
|
I'll have you know that Mr. Holly has spent the last 2 hours beating the living Word into our 18 children, after they couldn't stop laughing in church last night!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to chase and zip tie 5 boys writhing on the floor laughing hysterically, 5 more imitating Pastor Zeke "freaking out," 5 more imitating Tommy, by swallowing dish soap to make their mouths foam, and three girls furious that they had to clean up the mess (and made to clean the entire house since they were complaining)?
I think Mr. Holly wore out 5 rods, trying to get them all to be quiet, and now Mr. Holly said that I and my swollen pregnant belly have to spend the next 4 hours on my knees in prayer for raising such heathens.
|
|
Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-10-2013, 03:55 AM
Dear Holly;
Tell your husband to fuck off. Pastor Zeke and myself can make much more use of you on your knees for four hours.
YIC
Deaner
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-10-2013, 03:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deaner
Dear Holly;
Tell your husband to fuck off. Pastor Zeke and myself can make much more use of you on your knees for four hours.
YIC
Deaner
|
Are you high?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,391
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-10-2013, 02:23 PM
I'm beyond angry that anyone would simply fake demon possession for their own purposes and mislead anyone LET ALONE A PASTOR OF THE LORD!
When you see the glory of a true exorcism of a demon for yourself anyone faking it just to hoodwink the gullible for their own twisted purposes shines out. Alka Seltzer? I'm truly appalled and I hope that boy's backside is red raw.
You just can't fake the real deal.
|
|
Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-10-2013, 04:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Are you high?
|
Yes. On the love you provide thru Christ.
|
|
Tin Tither
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 234
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: pastors garage
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-11-2013, 09:27 PM
Hi their Pastoer Ezekal Sir when I found out i used the belt on tommy for the longest time that boy aint' never been right in the head i dont' know why it couldnt' of been nothing i did but ill' make it up to you whatever you want me to do ill' do it.
|
|
True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
|
|
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
|
|
Re: Faking Demon Possession -
05-12-2013, 12:22 AM
I knew that boy was trouble from the day he dove in your old baptismal pool, you know, the one you had the image of you performing the baptism done in tile on the bottom? If memory serves, the boy cracked a whole lot of irreplaceable tiles and you had to use another pool on the other end of your property.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|