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Unhappy Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-14-2015, 01:26 PM

Fellow True Christians™!

We all know that Russia's president Mr. Putin is a Man of God and while the world expects a Republican president, Mr. Putin remains the best hope for Jesus until then. Mr. Putin is perhaps the ONLY man that has said a clear NO to the homer swarm. He is an example to us all!

Isaiah 3:2
The mighty man, and the man of war, the judge, and the prophet, and the prudent, and the ancient,




Mr. Putin, the man with the mighty gun!

But now... This is horrible. Mr. Putin has been MISSING for a week!

Quote:
This whole thing started after Putin's trip to Kazakhstan was canceled on Wednesday and a Kazakh official told a reporter that the Russian President had fallen ill. Then the Kremlin released a picture of Putin speaking with the leader of the Republic of Karelia. But it turns out that happened on March 4.

On Thursday, Putin's spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, said the President would miss his regular meeting with the Federal Security Service (FSB). When asked about his boss's health, Peskov said he is "absolutely healthy," his handshake so strong he could "break your hand." To illustrate the point, the Kremlin's Russia Today posted a picture of the mighty President slamming a judo opponent hard against the ground. Peskov says Russia is in the grips of a "spring fever" that is causing people to dream up harebrained scenarios.
He might be severely ill. He might be producing offspring. He might be DEAD! Perhaps he is imprisoned by atheists or false christians and cannot escape!

Quote:
Even if Putin is in perfect health and the social media whirlwind turns out to have just been an outlet for creativity, talk of Putin's disappearance raises important questions.
What would Russia become if he suddenly left power? Is there a successor in place? Is there anyone who would continue Putin's policies? If there is a power vacuum, a conceivable scenario given just how thoroughly Putin dominates, what would the consequences be?


Mr. Putin might be somewhere helpless and scared and in distress and in urgent need of our HELP. It is time for mighty prayers, Brethren and Sisters. Let us pray for the safe return of Mr. Putin. We still need him. Jesus certainly craves for his company in Heaven but let us pray that Jesus lets us benefit from him a bit longer. Dear Lord Jesus, don't take him away from us yet! Amen! We are Mr. Putin's ONLY HOPE!


Psalms 119:117
Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe: and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-14-2015, 08:26 PM

PRAYING!




I'm told even his lookalike dog has been keeping a non-stop vigil from him.
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-14-2015, 08:28 PM

He's fine, Vlad and I have been busy consulting lately. Look for big things in the Ukraine and other provinces soon.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Cross Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-16-2015, 05:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
He's fine, Vlad and I have been busy consulting lately. Look for big things in the Ukraine and other provinces soon.
GLORY!!


Isaiah 55:4
Behold, I have given him for a witness to the people, a leader and commander to the people
.


Mr. Putin is back. I fact, after our Good Pastor posted His reply, my mind was totally at peace. Again, True Christian™ prayers have rescued a close personal friend of Jesus from a fate worse than death, sodomy.

Quote:
There was nothing in his appearance that indicated any obvious health problems.
Hence, while the reports of cancer and strokes were probably accurate, they can now be forgotten as Prayer Healing has proven effective. our prayers have saved Mr. Putin!



Mr. Putin can now continue his valuable work to cleanse the world from homerism and help us establish an axis of Republican Christian government in both continents.



It is time to offer a Prayer of deep Gratitude to Jesus!

Sweet Jesus!
Thank you for protecting your servant
Mr. Putin from the European homertrash.
Thank you for being patient and leaving him
To stay with us
For a while longer
Though you would surely
Enjoy his company in Heaven.
Thank you for Giving us Pastor Ezekiel to show us the way.
Amen!



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-17-2015, 02:07 AM

President Brother Vladimir Putin has risen to the position he holds through his devotion to the Lord God and his tireless work for Jesus. He is the most manly Russian since Peter the Great, though I must admit that most Russians have been historically sissies. This failing comes with their generally unhealthy fascination with the godless French, but I digress. Though he has little Russian competition in the manliness category from most sissy Russian men, he is none the less manly; all the more so when compared to the average Russian. And I digress again.

Even a hero for Jesus like President Brother Vladimir Putin needs to get away for some fishing or hunting from time to time. This is not evidence of some kind of flaw. It is a charming reminder that while President Brother Vladimir Putin may sometimes seem almost angelic, he is, after just a man doing God's work. God bless him and his efforts to bring Christianity to godless Eastern Europe, especially Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania...and the Ukraine, don't forget them. And Poland, too. That place is crawling with Romans. There is much of God's work to do in those parts.


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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-20-2015, 03:29 AM

Good to see that Mr. Putin has returned safe and sound. I feared that in his absence, the Queers would run the country over completely, damning it further back into the stone age. They actually allowed Queer activities in the early days of the Godless Soviet Union, can you believe it?

God bless the good Mr. Putin.


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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-20-2015, 04:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CleanForChrist View Post
Good to see that Mr. Putin has returned safe and sound. I feared that in his absence, the Queers would run the country over completely, damning it further back into the stone age. They actually allowed Queer activities in the early days of the Godless Soviet Union, can you believe it?

God bless the good Mr. Putin.
I'm pretty sure that anal sex was compulsory in the U.S.S.R. during those dark years.
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-21-2015, 06:02 AM

People in Russia are demanding Putin to take over unholy Finland!!!

Please, pray everybody this to happen soon!
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-21-2015, 06:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho View Post
People in Russia are demanding Putin to take over unholy Finland!!!

Please, pray everybody this to happen soon!
Finland? Isn't that a marine theme park in Orlando?
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-21-2015, 08:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Finland? Isn't that a marine theme park in Orlando?
Sir Hammer, I do not actually know, but in Europe Finland is one of the countries that got independence when Soviet Union broke.

It is a communist country in north, arctic area and it is originally part of Russia.
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-21-2015, 10:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Finland? Isn't that a marine theme park in Orlando?
Finland is a part of Sweden. They have reindeer there and they dress like garden gnomes. Like all Norwegians, they eat mostly rotten fish and have a tremendous national problem with alcoholism. Few have been saved. The place is worse than Louisiana.


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Bible Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-22-2015, 02:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
Finland is a part of Sweden. They have reindeer there and they dress like garden gnomes. Like all Norwegians, they eat mostly rotten fish and have a tremendous national problem with alcoholism. Few have been saved. The place is worse than Louisiana.
All this is certainly most interesting but please, let us not forget that the workforce of Jesus and its Europistanian branch, the executive officer of which is Mr. Putin, need our prayers to continue. As tireless as he is to prevent the homerswarm from drowning us, us tirelessly must we show him our support with prayer. Ultimately, the only country that matters is the manifestation of God's Kingdom on Earth and in this a Republican USA and a Putinesque Russia would be united.

Hebrews 11:16
But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.

Here we see Mr. Putin in communication with Jesus. A false Church but a True™ Savior!



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-23-2015, 11:52 AM

Putin is back, but zoon he will be thrown out of the Kremlin by hand of the Russians, he has bankrupted Russia ..
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ Touched by Jesus Persecuted Honorary Ex-Eskimo Ex-Scandinavian Ex-eurotrash True Scientist™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Doctor Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Prayer Warrior Ex-Masturbator Tell her once True Christian Caucasian Real American™ Porn Resistant The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts 2014 Witch Hunt Award Mower Mission to Korea Uber Angels Driver Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Saved 1 Year Platinum Tither Eats the Most Pork True Heterosexual™ 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory BFF of Jesus Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Alternative Facts True Christian Nerd GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 10,328
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Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Bible Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-23-2015, 12:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
Putin is back, but zoon he will be thrown out of the Kremlin by hand of the Russians, he has bankrupted Russia ..
Indeed, Mr. Germanicus. This possibility is heartbreaking, isn't it! Of course, it is only to be expected and - if it happens - only indicates more and more strongly that Mr. Putin is a True Warrior™ for Christ!

2 Timothy 3:12
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

While this development would obviously be extremely destructive for Jesus' plans regarding the Godly future of Russia, I'm sure that it would not affect Mr. Putin's spiritual future at all.

Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?


To answer that, no-one and nothing! No persecution or peril will divert Mr. Putin from his path that leads to Jesus.





Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Germanicus Germanicus is offline
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-23-2015, 12:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
Finland is a part of Sweden. They have reindeer there and they dress like garden gnomes. Like all Norwegians, they eat mostly rotten fish and have a tremendous national problem with alcoholism. Few have been saved. The place is worse than Louisiana.
Finland is not a part of Sweden! Your beloved Russia is much more drunk than Finland ...

http://www.boredpanda.com/fun-maps-t...you-in-school/

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp...un-maps-21.jpg
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Marko Loimaan-Aho Marko Loimaan-Aho is offline
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 03-23-2015, 10:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
Finland is not a part of Sweden! Your beloved Russia is much more drunk than Finland ...

http://www.boredpanda.com/fun-maps-t...you-in-school/

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp...un-maps-21.jpg
You must understand that here in the arctic area there are no clear borderlines at all.
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Miguel De Morillo Miguel De Morillo is offline
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 04-02-2015, 12:09 AM

I will always pray for Putin, but I never say prayers for Obama
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Default Re: Please PLEASE pray for the safe return of Mr. Vladimir Putin, a Friend of Jesus - 04-03-2015, 10:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germanicus View Post
Finland is not a part of Sweden! Your beloved Russia is much more drunk than Finland ...

http://www.boredpanda.com/fun-maps-t...you-in-school/

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp...un-maps-21.jpg
Finland was part of Soviet Union. Now it is drifting somewhere...
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