PRAYER REQUESTS Please check regularly |
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 407
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: gods country, ozarks
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-31-2008, 10:47 PM
I have a question for one of the pastors here. A boy in our church asked this. If you are masterbaiting to prevent you from fornicating, then is the masterbaiting OK then?
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-31-2008, 10:48 PM
I'd like to offer my advise on this unsavory subject.
Although praying helps stop the urge to abuse one's self. Using Handz Off Anti-mastubatory cream and gum almost guarantees results.
These products are available at the Landover Commissary.
L ve, Sister Thumper
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-31-2008, 10:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lord warrior
I have a question for one of the pastors here. A boy in our church asked this. If you are masterbaiting to prevent you from fornicating, then is the masterbaiting OK then?
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No. Masturbating IS fornicating, and its queer. All True Christians should know that if a boy touches himself, even in the shower, he is a homersexural. If he is diddling himself for any "reason" then he has to accept the fact that he is going to burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! "Fantasizing" about the "body parts" of female sluts is never an excuse! Since a boy is touching a male unmentionable member, that makes him HOMERSEXURAL!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Farmer for Christ™
True Christian™
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Posts: 736
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Corn Belt
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-31-2008, 11:01 PM
I'm convinced that a hard days work in the fields will cure even the horniest of any desire to please themselves.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-31-2008, 11:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith
I'm convinced that a hard days work in the fields will cure even the horniest of any desire to please themselves.
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Amen to that! Idle hands ARE the devils playtoys. Keep those kids busy and they won't have the time or energy to think about such degeneracy.
I hope you stick around, Mr. Hackwith.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,546
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pastor Deacon Fred Hall, Landover Christian University School of Law, Freehold, Iowa, God's Country
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
02-01-2008, 02:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by supride
HOW can i do this? What must i DO?
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First, get a grip on yourself. You're putting your immortal soul in peril, and that's nothing to joke about.
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Is there such thing as Redemption for me? is there a place in heaven for me...
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If you ask Jesus sincerely, yes. Otherwise, no.
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will i see those souls i have butchered?
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Yes, if you're not saved, you will see them in Hell, and they are going to be mightily pissed off.
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Will they then embrace me?
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No, the demons are very jealous, so they won't let the other "guests" embrace you or their other their sex toys. They say that you get used to the constant sodomy after a few million years, so I suppose you will have something to look forward to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lord warrior
I have a question for one of the pastors here. A boy in our church asked this. If you are masterbaiting to prevent you from fornicating, then is the masterbaiting OK then?
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Masterbaiting isn't always sinful. It all depends on whose master he is baiting and why. Masturbating, however, is a sin, as Pastor Ezekiel pointed out, and will get him damned to Hell just as surely as would fornication. At least, that's what the good pastor told me when I asked.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith
I'm convinced that a hard days work in the fields will cure even the horniest of any desire to please themselves.
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Excellent! That's just the thing. This guy needs a tour of duty at Brother Marshall's Bible Bootcamp!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I hope you stick around, Mr. Hackwith.
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Me 2.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Although praying helps stop the urge to abuse one's self. Using Handz Off Anti-mastubatory cream and gum almost guarantees results.
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Another great suggestion. Those should come in handy.
Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
02-01-2008, 02:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith
I'm convinced that a hard days work in the fields will cure even the horniest of any desire to please themselves.
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Godly words friend. With Jesus we can beat this masturbation problem!
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 212
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Canada.
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
02-01-2008, 03:35 AM
For women, if you get the urge to masturbate(God forbid) then just go make your Godly husband five more pies, clean the kitchen and bathroom(s), then put on some Handz off cream.
Any other suggestions?
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-22-2018, 03:53 AM
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
01-23-2018, 01:31 AM
During my travels with Pastor Ezekiel, we have come across many young boys that could not let go of their penises (the boys each had one penis but there were many boys). These taught young men, with just the hint of manly peach fuzz on their bodies would spray Man Seed® everywhere. Many would masturbate right in front of The Godly Pastor and me. Can you imagine?
I've spent a lot of time researching this phenomenon along with expending a lot of energy and effort. Some say I am an expert on the subject.
Matthew 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Colossians 3:5
Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: Please Pray for Chronic Masturbators -
08-13-2018, 09:54 PM
If this is helpful then I must get some, or find something comparable to it. My first impression is that this might be helpful to me, please.
Do you know where I can purchase some "Handz Off Anti-mastubatory cream" and gum?
I like your confidence, as you say it "almost guarantees results"
So it sounds very promising to me.
And if it is too expensive or I cannot find it, do you have something similar that might work just as well?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
I'd like to offer my advise on this unsavory subject.
Although praying helps stop the urge to abuse one's self. Using Handz Off Anti-mastubatory cream and gum almost guarantees results.
These products are available at the Landover Commissary.
L ve, Sister Thumper
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