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Reload this Page AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS!
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-30-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Do we start over at one, now?
I think we need a 101 ways you can prevent catching AIDS now.

I will do the first

Prevents Aids

#1 Drinking a cup of bleach after having sex with your wife.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-30-2008, 04:48 PM

2. Don't live in San Francisco.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-30-2008, 05:20 PM

3. No sex outside of marriage. If you are a woman, you must have only one husband for your entire life, and he must be a True Christian™ as certified by the DOF. If you are a man, your wife* must be a True Christian™ virgin as certified by the DOF.

*or, God and a change in secular law willing, wives and concubines


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-30-2008, 06:05 PM

Wait, aren't we just doing the same thing all over again?


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 06:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Wait, aren't we just doing the same thing all over again?
No Brother Nobar - this is a completely different idea. Our first list was to look at ways you could catch it - this new list would look at ways to prevent it! Glory!

An example...


Ways you could catch AIDS No 4 -

Masturbation.

Ways you could PREVENT catching AIDS No 4 -

Don't Masturbate!


You see, two completely different lists. I think this is a great idea! Praise Jesus!
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 06:38 AM

No. 5 - Don't talk to homers

No. 6 - Don't have sex with monkeys.

No. 7 - Tape your ass shut with Duct Tape when using ANY Public Transport.

No. 8 - Don't do Missionary work in Africa - the kids there are infested with it!
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 02:45 PM

Does anybody know why they named this plague the AIDS? I always liked GRIDS better.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 04:38 PM

9. Obey all of God's laws (that includes tithing).

Exodus 23:25: And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 04:40 PM

10. I heard that eating lots of salt will raise the electrolyte levels in the blood so much that the AIDS can't establish itself. The saltiness kills it before it can spread.

This makes sense, since have you heard of ocean animals getting immune deficiency syndrome? Maybe Brother Bathfire can do some experiments.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 05:23 PM

I always wear this when I am going into a group with a high percentage of homers or pansies. It just keeps my breathing air and skin clean and fresh!


Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!

Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 05:27 PM

I need one of those setups to help me endure the dust storms at Burning Man.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 07-31-2008, 05:30 PM

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Originally Posted by Palmer C. Eldrich View Post
I need one of those setups to help me endure the dust storms at Burning Man.
12 (taking Ebenezer Wright's post as #11). Don't go to Burning Man.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch AIDS! - 09-14-2008, 05:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire;213513[LIST=1
[*]Drinking from a public water fountain: drooling homers leave saliva behind and you drink it![*]Showers: droplets of water carry the AIDS germs, you breathe them in and ‘bang’ - fast train to the graveyard![*]Towels, homers rub themselves all over with these, then you rub yourself… stands to reason![*]Food, No one should ever touch your food – if a homer does touch it, the sweat and fat from the skin (crawling with AIDS germs) will get you.[*]Public transport: As AIDS gets bad, the immune system fails and head lice and other things appear. Invariably the Homer can’t afford a car, so he travels on public transport, leaving behind him a trail of insect parasites gorged with his blood (see mosquitoes above.)[/LIST]

HAHAHAHA! read a piffle!ng book, you have to ingest nearly a gallon of saliva from someone who has aids to catch it. unless they had blood in their saliva, which is different all together.

and LOL! so you dont shower, use towels, eat anywhere but your own home, and have never been un a bus, plane, subway, someone elses car?

good job saying no one should ever touch your food too. you ever been to a super market? a "gay" youched your food somewhere down the line.

so, the only way your food will never come in contact with a "homer" is if you kill it yourself, AND no gay person could ever have touched whatever you just killed/cut down/sown.


man i cant wait for you all to burn in hell for your hatred, hypocrisy, lies, and overall un-christ-like attitudes

but oh wait, you believe in jesus christ, so your automatically saved.

wrong. "faith without works is dead" < taken from the "holy book"

doesnt matter how much you believe in your god and savior, if you dont strive to be christ-like, you burn like the rest of them.

well, this is all based off of what you all believe, of course.


i don't disagree with Christianity, just with Jesus.
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-14-2008, 07:48 PM

The men above is right. Sorry to say that, but most people over here are the same kind of those muslims fanatics who blow up themselves for a blind and yet hypocritical "faith".
Personally, I think your "faith" is just the extinguisher for your shitty and unfulfilled lives. If you've ended like this because of your parents I can't blame you. I just hope you're not brainwash your kids the same way.
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-24-2008, 02:14 AM

Are you people serious??
I have to ask. I mean, are you all fully sheltered from any sort of real life?

If this is all for real, You guys scare yourselves on a daily basis for what? I dont understand how anyone can be as simple minded as you folks.

Its sad that people like you are even allowed to live. You judge people on a daily basis, you talk down to those you dont and refuse to understand. And then this... ways of getting aids???

lol, You do understand that there ar emore people that are gay then you think right? So.. in you backwards logic here, your saying that if you talk to someone who is gay, you will get aids... So, your sitting here saying how many people are gay on th eplanet, odds are at some point in your life you have all known, touched, talked to or looke dat someone who was gay.. and OH NOO!!!!!, you all have aids.

You people are ridiculous. Your like a sad little cult of hate mongers.

For you closed, simole minded people, I am married with 2 children and habe many a gay friend, co worked etc..... And I dont think I have aids.

Also, by the way you guys act, and that fake, constantly rewritten by arrogant male kings book you have so much faith in.... Doesnt it say not to judge people?? thats all any of you do. See you all in hell.
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-24-2008, 03:11 AM

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Originally Posted by Mee thatguy View Post
Also, by the way you guys act, and that fake, constantly rewritten by arrogant male kings book you have so much faith in.... Doesnt it say not to judge people??
No. Here's the closest that it comes to that:

Matt. 7:1-2: Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

In other words, we may judge as long as we agree to be judged by the same standards. Since I am not an AIDS-infected homer, I don't see the problem there. In fact, Jesus even told us to judge:

John 7:24: Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.


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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-26-2008, 07:05 AM

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Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
You can pick and choose verses of God’s word wherever you please, but without the True Christian™ education that you so sadly lack, they are of no avail and are as chaff before the storm. (Job:21:18: They are as stubble before the wind, and as chaff that the storm carrieth away.)

This is how to deal with plagues and for our purposes, we can take leprosy as the equivalent of AIDS:

Le:14:32: This is the law of him in whom is the plague of leprosy, whose hand is not able to get that which pertaineth to his cleansing.
Le:14:34: When ye be come into the land of Canaan, which I give to you for a possession, and I put the plague of leprosy in a house of the land of your possession;
Le:14:35: And he that owneth the house shall come and tell the priest, saying, It seemeth to me there is as it were a plague in the house:
Le:14:36: Then the priest shall command that they empty the house, before the priest go into it to see the plague, that all that is in the house be not made unclean: and afterward the priest shall go in to see the house:
Le:14:37: And he shall look on the plague, and, behold, if the plague be in the walls of the house with hollow strakes, greenish or reddish, which in sight are lower than the wall;
Le:14:39: And the priest shall come again the seventh day, and shall look: and, behold, if the plague be spread in the walls of the house;
Le:14:40: Then the priest shall command that they take away the stones in which the plague is, and they shall cast them into an unclean place without the city:
Le:14:43: And if the plague come again, and break out in the house, after that he hath taken away the stones, and after he hath scraped the house, and after it is plaistered;
Le:14:44: Then the priest shall come and look, and, behold, if the plague be spread in the house, it is a fretting leprosy in the house: it is unclean.
Le:14:48: And if the priest shall come in, and look upon it, and, behold, the plague hath not spread in the house, after the house was plaistered: then the priest shall pronounce the house clean, because the plague is healed.
Le:14:54: This is the law for all manner of plague of leprosy, and scall,

You see, God knows a thing or two and he knows that plagues can live on plaster.

Now we are talking basic precautions here. You will note that there isn’t much hugging and handshaking.

99. Always have your new home re-plastered – AIDS germs live on plaster.
"This is how to deal with plagues and for our purposes, we can take leprosy as the equivalent of AIDS:"

How does jesus deal with plagues though...

Luke 17:12-14
Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. And they lifted up their voices and said, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!" So when He saw them, He said to them, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed.

Jesus had mercy on them

Mark 1:40-42
Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, "If You are willing, You can make me clean." Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, "I am willing; be cleansed." As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed.

Once again mery, though this time Jesus even touched him.


It's one thing to keep yourself clean. But you should also learn to show compassion for Jesus will appreciate that you are trying to help others as he did.
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-26-2008, 07:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
No. Here's the closest that it comes to that:

Matt. 7:1-2: Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

In other words, we may judge as long as we agree to be judged by the same standards. Since I am not an AIDS-infected homer, I don't see the problem there. In fact, Jesus even told us to judge:

That can't be right though becuase it deosn't quantify how you should judge. Basically everyone can have their own standards and everyone would be right.

So I decide to judge you on where you live. If you live in the US then you're a mormon. Ok now I will judge myself, sweet I live in Australia. K you're going to hell, sorry.
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-26-2008, 08:57 AM

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Originally Posted by jezzah View Post
That can't be right though becuase it deosn't quantify how you should judge. Basically everyone can have their own standards and everyone would be right.

So I decide to judge you on where you live. If you live in the US then you're a mormon. Ok now I will judge myself, sweet I live in Australia. K you're going to hell, sorry.
WE HAVE THE BIBLE WHICH INSTRUCTS US TO JUDGE YOU BY ITS STANDARDS, WHICH WE ADHERE TO.
You have nothing but a 'bright' idea.
So your'e going to Hell and we aren't.
Do you have a special book which tells you otherwise?


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: AIDS : THE FACTS - 101 ways YOU could catch the AIDS! - 09-26-2008, 12:06 PM

Did anyone mention shopping at IKEA? The place is just crawling with it!


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