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Christian Poet Emeritus
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Posts: 1,694
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Location: Near to Him
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MORMONS with their pants down -
02-03-2007, 08:38 PM
Exceedingly funny Thread for your Hilarious Exposures of the Mor(m)ons
To start, what's under pants?
http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon044.htm
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And so it goes...
Who's next to offer a comical Mor(m)onian plight?
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-06-2007, 08:39 PM
They're not happy bunnies in the Mormon state, not happy at all. Twice the national average for antidepressant usage, in fact. The Cathylickers have their "Jesus juice" to keep their flock numb and compliant, but, as befits a religion dreamed up by a madman in the 19th Century, the mormons prefer more up-to-date methods.
EDIT: Oh, sorry, that wasn't very funny, was it? I'll try harder next time.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-06-2007, 09:07 PM
I find it very funny, Brother Temp! Of course people are going to be depressed when they know deep inside that they've turned their backs to God!
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-06-2007, 09:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria
I find it very funny, Brother Temp! Of course people are going to be depressed when they know deep inside that they've turned their backs to God!
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Will they get Zoloft in Hell, do you think?
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True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-06-2007, 09:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
Will they get Zoloft in Hell, do you think?
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That would be funny if they did, because they would have no water to wash it down with.
Imagine going through eternity with a pill stuck in your throat, and not even a drop of water from the tip of Lazarus' finger to wash it down.
How fitting.
YIC
V
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Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 21
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-14-2007, 03:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
Will they get Zoloft in Hell, do you think?
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It is a known fact that in the Mormon state of Utah there are more prescriptions written for Prozac than in any other state. Please do not refer to Zoloft when speaking of Mormons for they have a definite desire for Prozac.
Thank you.
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Scientific Advisor
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Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-14-2007, 05:07 PM
Just where do you get off in insulting a Moderator and Pastor here in our Godly Forums? I suggest you mind your place, lest Jesus see fit to put you in your place.... You will mind your betters here in God's Personal Forums.
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-15-2007, 12:12 AM
When stating "known facts", please include a reference to substantiate your claim (Scriptural or otherwise).
Thank you.
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Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-15-2007, 03:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
When stating "known facts", please include a reference to substantiate your claim (Scriptural or otherwise).
Thank you.
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I apologize for not providing a source. Here is one:
Quote:
If you ignore it then it isn't really there. This is why Utah has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation and the highest Prozac use. They don't call it happy valley for nothing!
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from http://everything2.com/index.pl?node=Utah
Please inform me how something from a cult such as Mormonism could possibly be in Scripture? I don't understand. Surely, those "latter day saints" couldn't be in The Holy Bible, could they?
Thank you.
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Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 21
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-15-2007, 03:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
Just where do you get off in insulting a Moderator and Pastor here in our Godly Forums? I suggest you mind your place, lest Jesus see fit to put you in your place.... You will mind your betters here in God's Personal Forums.
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Oh my, I never intended to insult either a Moderator or a Pastor. I have been praying about this transgression. Hopefully, Jesus will accept my true intentions and my deep sadness over my inappropriate "insult".
As to where I get off, that's really none of your business now, is it? Before you get your panties in a twist again, I will tell you that God knows what you did and He is not pleased.
Infraction for insulting a TC and implying that he is some depraved cross-dressing pervert like TwinkBoy. -OYK
Last edited by OnYourKnees; 02-15-2007 at 05:33 PM.
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Posts: 3,358
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Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-15-2007, 03:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle
...Please inform me how something from a cult such as Mormonism could possibly be in Scripture?
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They aren't. This is why they made up their own scriptures, words supposedly written in ancient text on gold tablets that are buried (again?) in upstate New York. These tablets were shown to Mormon founder and certified magic rock collector Joseph Smith. (I am not making this up)
The Mormon Angel Maroni, erstwhile keeper of the gold tablets, brought them to Smith and with the help of magic goggles and hats; Smith was able to read and transcribe the ancient text that is now the Book of Mormon.
They rank with Scientologists as the most insane of the mainstream cults and are so far gone they make Baptwits look normal.
As the LDS grew, Smith took to polygamy, as did his right-hand man, who took control of the LDS after Smith was murdered on their odd journey to Utah. His right hand man, the one who then openly promulgated the ideas of polygamy was none other than Bring'em Young...not bring'em old, not bring'em middle age...Bring'em Young.
Joseph Smith is one of the new world's greatest con men and makes Pastor Al look like Mother Theresa by comparison.
Bless you, my poor researcher,
Father Mo
A Cardinal in the making.
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-15-2007, 05:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
They aren't.
Joseph Smith is one of the new world's greatest con men and makes Pastor Al look like Mother Theresa by comparison.
Bless you, my poor researcher,
Father Mo
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Father Mo, this Kyle is obsessed with the vulgar and unGodly cartoon, South Park.
Thank you for your detailed description of the founding of Mormonism; however, it would have been far easier to refer him to http://www.i4m.com/think/southpark/ Episode 712.
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Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-17-2007, 01:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
Bless you, my poor researcher,
Father Mo
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Thank you for the blessing, Father Mo.
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Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-17-2007, 01:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
Father Mo, this Kyle is obsessed with the vulgar and unGodly cartoon, South Park.
Thank you for your detailed description of the founding of Mormonism; however, it would have been far easier to refer him to http://www.i4m.com/think/southpark/ Episode 712.
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You are a pathetic anti-Semitic homophobic piece of garbage.
An infraction? You are out of your mind!
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Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-17-2007, 01:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
Father Mo, this Kyle is obsessed with the vulgar and unGodly cartoon, South Park.
Thank you for your detailed description of the founding of Mormonism; however, it would have been far easier to refer him to http://www.i4m.com/think/southpark/ Episode 712.
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`
That is absolutely crazy, you race-baiting, Jew-hating, Gay-bashing cretin!
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-17-2007, 01:40 AM
Back ON TOPIC, this news story provides a valuable reminder of the way Mormons will behave if left unchecked.
Quote:
A trench coat-clad teenager who opened fire on shoppers at a mall had one thing in mind: "to kill a large number of people," and he likely would have killed more than the five victims who died had an off-duty officer not confronted him, the police chief said Tuesday.
"There is no question that his quick action saved the lives of numerous other people," Police Chief Chris Burbank said of the officer.
Burbank identified the gunman as Sulejmen Talovic, an 18-year-old who lives with his mother in Salt Lake City, and said he had a backpack full of ammunition, the shotgun he was using and a .38-caliber pistol.
The teen killed five people and wounded four at the Trolley Square mall, including two people in the parking lot as he arrived around 7 p.m. Monday, another at the entrance and then several people inside a card store, the police chief said.
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This is what one lone Mormon with a gun can do. There are serious political forces that propose giving a Mormon the ability to start a nuclear war. What's wrong with the world?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,437
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Twenty minutes from hell- I mean Washington DC
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Re: MORMONS with their pants down -
02-17-2007, 01:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle
You are a pathetic anti-Semitic homophobic piece of garbage.
An infraction? You are out of your mind!
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Boy, aren't you the manly one? Daddy let you borrow the car for the first time didn't he? You really should watch your language. Accusing anyone of anti-jooism, or actually being afraid of homers is truly an anger managment problem. Perhaps some time in the Landover Habilitation Unit would do you some good.
"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
Last edited by Rev. Dr. Davidson; 02-17-2007 at 01:47 AM.
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