Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
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Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 06:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Kittykoo
You will have to pardon me but how on earth can one live without using the bathroom!?
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Like everything else, peeing and pooping are a choice: If one "backslides" into the lifestyle, it merely means the person didn't pray hard enough, or have sufficient faith that the Lord™ would ease their suffering.
God™ has a wonderful plan for us. And personally, when I meet Him on that great day, I don't want pee OR poop to be anywhere in the picture!
Ask Yourself: DO YOU?
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PHD - Theophysicist Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 09:18 AM
In the Pendergast household "potty training" meant "potty rehab." We nipped the problem of excrement addiction in the bud with each of our four children.
But my eldest daughter is going through a rebellious phase. She started experimenting with peeing and pooping a few months ago and now she cannot stop. It's taken over life. She's not the same person any more. She's failing at home schooling. She's lost interest in learning to cook and clean. She can't think of anyone but herself. She lies about where she's been and what she's been doing. She just lives to get that next bladder or bowel hit. My wife and I just want our daughter back.
So last night I took her to my parents' house for dinner (or that's what I told her, anyway), and all her friends were there, her grandparents from both sides, our pastor (who coordinated the intervention), and all the church elders. We each got a chance to tell her how we felt.
"If you continue down this road, you'll die," my wife said through tears. "I'm just worried that one day I'm going to get that call that your bowels have fallen out like King Jehoram."
"We can no longer enable you," I told her. "I don't want to see you end up in jail. People get arrested for peeing by the side of the road."
We gave her an ultimatum. Accept Brother COM's treatment program or lose her family, her friends, her place at home and at church.
She trotted out all the excuses Brother COM mentioned. "I can stop whenever I want." "I have to do it to feel normal." She tried to blame us for her problem. But we demolished each of her excuses, and I am glad to say she has accepted treatment. An ex-pooper from church has agreed to be her sponsor.
She's in the cold turkey phase at the moment. We've got her handcuffed to her bed. We have a rotating roster so that there is always someone praying with her.
Thank you, Brother Cranky, for your informative post. My wife and I will be forever indebted to you.
| Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies |
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
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Posts: 18,677
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 09:40 AM
Your eldest daughter sounds like a handful. Know, Brother, that you could always turn to FaecalAnon (or FaecalAteen in this case?) if you feel you are forced to unwillingly play part in her addiction.
The people closest to the addict suffer the most, and need support from True Christian outsiders.
I know you feel like she should "not shit or get off the pot", but you will need patience and detachment. I will pray for her too.
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
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Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Morndenkainen
Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no?
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NO!
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God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts?
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God created us with the ability to commit many sins. That doesn't mean He wants us to commit them. Pooping and pissing is a lifestyle choice, plain and simple.
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I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?
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From Satan.
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I have a hard time understanding women.
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Why does that not surprise me?
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
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Unsaved trash, avowed demon
Under Investigation
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Posts: 20
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: In a cave with my coven
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 01:10 PM
Thank you Bob4God and Godfly, you cleared that issue up quite nicely.
Sorry Ms. Etheldreda, your knowledge of scripture is impressive, but being a man, I understand a man's logic far better than a woman's.
John 8:12 Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 08:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pim Pendergast
She lies about where she's been and what she's been doing. She just lives to get that next bladder or bowel hit. My wife and I just want our daughter back.
"If you continue down this road, you'll die," my wife said through tears. "I'm just worried that one day I'm going to get that call that your bowels have fallen out like King Jehoram."
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Of course the blowout from binging on fecal purging often leads to death in the young.
Just today Hollywood lost a young actress from just such an addiction. The cause of death has not been officially released yet....and yet, WE know.
Quote:
'THE PATRIOT' STAR
Skye McCole Bartusiak
DEAD AT 21
Skye reportedly had been suffering from seizures and on Saturday morning her boyfriend came home and found her sitting up in bed in her parents converted garage. The family believes she had a seizure and choked to death.
Sources say Skye struggled after doing "The Patriot" ... trying to establish a foot print in Hollywood, but it was largely a frustrating and unsuccessful experience.
Law enforcement sources tells us ... there are no "obvious signs" she took her own life ... however, our sources say toxicology reports could change their operating theory.
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,677
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-20-2014, 09:05 PM
Shocking Sister. I think we can conclude she pooped herself to death.
Question: do we consider, eh, breaking wind a gateway sin? Because eh - especially at my age - you don't always know if, eh, you know, accident, eh...
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-21-2014, 12:21 AM
While I utterly wpould denounce the sorcery that is Pharmakeia I have been told by wayward and heathen loving hippie druggard sex addicts that Tramadol in sufficient doses will stop the unholy acts of defecation and urination while also reducing hunger which is also itself aerversion of the flesh, as is any need or want while on this earth except to be with the Lord through Jesus. Note that all suffwering of the flesh is in God's plan so taking Tramadol for actual pain is a sinmand gratefying Satan.
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-21-2014, 12:26 AM
Could somebody please clean up the terrible mess my keyboard has made above in the name of Jesus? Also add however between Pharmakeia and I. Praise the lord.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-21-2014, 06:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morndenkainen
Sorry Ms. Etheldreda, your knowledge of scripture is impressive, but being a man, I understand a man's logic far better than a woman's.
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True Christian™ ladies such as Sister Etheldreda clear every post they make with their husbands (or, if they are unmarried, their fathers). While we appreciate your offer of your services a manly logician, we've already got it covered.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-22-2014, 02:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apocryphon
Could somebody please clean up the terrible mess my keyboard has made above in the name of Jesus? Also add however between Pharmakeia and I. Praise the lord.
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Dear Foreign Heathen;
"Somebody" doesn't work here. Instead, please make a thread of your own in the " Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.
And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.
I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.
YIC,
--Pastor Ezekiel
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-22-2014, 02:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum
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Which reminds me, a good spiritual cleansing with a Landover Baptist Church-approved demenem would make a great addition to anyone's no pooping regimen.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,677
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A frictional country
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-22-2014, 02:29 AM
Did everyone mark down their quit date, so we can celebrate your anuversary? I'd go through the thread myself, but I suffer some light cramps - no doubt my body adjusting to the new healthier life style.
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 609
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Forrest Park, Memphis
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Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps! -
07-22-2014, 10:58 AM
Good guide, praise Jesus!
Regardless if you're a beautiful fashion blogger using cosmetics tested on animals, or if you preach the word of Jesus, peeing and pooping is disgusting and distracts you from the purpose.
In addition, the Christian Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) have a list of dangers associated with pooping:
☣ Every time you poop, you have a 1% risk of fainting within two minutes, called defecation syncope.
☣ Several diseases are transmitted through the fecal-oral route. If people didn't poop, there would be no cases of polio and cholera, and no demand for vaccines.
☣ Poop residues in anus are disgusting and breeding grounds for demonic pathogens.
☣ Adam Lanza did poop prior to the shooting.
☣ Worst of all: you can poop out your intestines (prolapse). And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day.
2 Chronicles 21:15
And finally, if God really wanted us to poop, how come babies require one year or more before they stop defecate their pants?
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