Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Posts: 41
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Godless Europistan
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
09-07-2011, 07:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford
After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!
To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs
Fruit Loops
Skittles
Papist wafers
Captain Crunch
Zucchini
Summer Squash
Summer Sausage
Bratwurst
Any kind of Gourd
Keilbasa
Choriszzo
Puffed Wheat
Churros
Hippies are Godless scum
Tofu
Arugula
Goat cheese
Granola
Alfalfa sprouts
Asparagus
Brownies (we know what they add!)
If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
Lettuce
Carrots (again)
Beets
Turnips
We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice
Sushi
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast
Keilbasa (Polacks are also papists!)
Choriszzo (I don't even know what this is, but according to Sister BTB it belongs on the list twice!)
Haggis
Curry
Couscous
abuelita-granulado
Because nobody likes them anyway
Spinach
Lima beans
Broccoli
Eel
Squid
Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
Apples (except in pie form)
Reminder that it's the devil's fruit
Pumpkins
Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.
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Please go back to your kitchen and talk with your husband and obey Cor. 14:34-35 which says "Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church"
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God Squad
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
09-07-2011, 07:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by babdah
Please go back to your kitchen and talk with your husband and obey Cor. 14:34-35 which says "Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church"
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This is the women's forum. You need to watch your step around here.
Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
09-07-2011, 08:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by babdah
Please go back to your kitchen and talk with your husband and obey Cor. 14:34-35 which says "Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church"
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Why exactly are you second-guessing my husband, Mr. Whitford's, permission for me to be here?
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Posts: 41
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Location: Godless Europistan
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
09-07-2011, 08:47 PM
Quote:
Why exactly are you second-guessing my husband, Mr. Whitford's, permission for me to be here?
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I apologize i am new here and did not know this was a women forum. I am not second guessing your husband.
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Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
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Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
09-07-2011, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by babdah
I apologize i am new here and did not know this was a women forum. I am not second guessing your husband.
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Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women kind of gives it away, but why am I posting in here? Because my special book tells me...
Quote:
subordination of women and separation of roles is an abomination
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 345
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In my prayer closet
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
11-21-2011, 08:43 PM
My husband doesn't allow me to buy anything chocolate flavored, as it may encourage the Negro death-style. We only buy Godly vanilla.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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Posts: 15
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Location: The State of Confusion
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
11-23-2011, 10:22 PM
I'll have added on my list.
Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.
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Posts: 375
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
11-24-2011, 05:32 AM
My darling wife Sarah says that watermelons may cause a woman to want to masturbate, should watermelon be on the banned list as well?
Remember this one thing brothers and sisters: KJV Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit,
so a fool returneth to his folly
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-26-2017, 06:48 PM
Sriracha [sic] sauce.
One: You can tell by the name that it's an attempt to turn Americans into Mexicans.
Two: If God wanted people to burn their mouths when eating (and other end when... you know...), He wouldn't have invented potatoes and mayonnaise.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-26-2017, 07:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford
Sriracha [sic] sauce.
One: You can tell by the name that it's an attempt to turn Americans into Mexicans.
Two: If God wanted people to burn their mouths when eating (and other end when... you know...), He wouldn't have invented potatoes and mayonnaise.
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Thank you! I think pinto, refried, and black beans ought to be on the list for the same reason.
And basil. Can't stand that throwback to the Italian mob.
And probiotics. Ridiculous little germs they call food.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-27-2017, 03:05 PM
Mushrooms. My father says that hippies use them to get high like they do with marijuana. Some of them are also poisonous.
And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-27-2017, 03:18 PM
Do we need to add quinoa to the list, on the grounds of Hippiedom/Mexicanity, or is it safe to assume that nobody would buy a product they can't pronounce?
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-27-2017, 07:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Do we need to add quinoa to the list, on the grounds of Hippiedom/Mexicanity, or is it safe to assume that nobody would buy a product they can't pronounce?
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I would say definitely - anything that even looks like couscous needs to go, especially if it's "gluten free".
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-27-2017, 08:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan
I would say definitely - anything that even looks like couscous needs to go, especially if it's "gluten free".
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Thank you, Brother, for reminding me to mention cauliflower rice.
This unGodly brassica/oryza hybrid not only resembles couscous, it is also very clearly in contravention of Leviticus 19:19.
I don't know whether it's "gluten free", because who even knows or cares what "gluten" is? There are no special-snowflake so-called allergies in the Lytton-Vasey household. My children eat what they're given and give thanks to God for it.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
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Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-27-2017, 10:00 PM
What of deviled eggs and devil's food cake?
Praise Jesus, have I asked about this before?
Oh, pineapple upside down cake? I can think of different problems with that.
I imagine that cheese danish would be a problem, also.
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-27-2017, 10:19 PM
I didn't know the cheese danish thing even existed, Sister. It's not "a thing" (as the youngsters say) in my country. It sounds back-to-front to me - a Danish cheese I could understand. Is it some sort of cheese-based meatball?
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
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Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-28-2017, 12:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
I didn't know the cheese danish thing even existed, Sister. It's not "a thing" (as the youngsters say) in my country. It sounds back-to-front to me - a Danish cheese I could understand. Is it some sort of cheese-based meatball?
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I think it's a pastry with a cream cheese filling.
Also, did the Demarkians actually invent pastry? That seems unlikely. Surely people put together flour and honey back in Bible Days. Why do we let these people get away with claiming pastry for themselves?
Also, can someone get back to me about the deviled egg thing? I'm getting hungry and I have a lot of paprika in my spice cupboard.
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-28-2017, 12:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Thank you, Brother, for reminding me to mention cauliflower rice.
. . .
This unGodly brassica/oryza hybrid not only resembles couscous, it is also very clearly in contravention of Leviticus 19:19.
I don't know whether it's "gluten free", because who even knows or cares what "gluten" is? There are no special-snowflake so-called allergies in the Lytton-Vasey household. My children eat what they're given and give thanks to God for it.
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That's some truly revolting stuff there Sister. It reminds me of those old Sally Struthers starving children's fund appeals from years ago - definitely third world "cuisine" from Africa, Kim Jong Un's North Korean prison camps, or Michelle Obama's school lunch program.
Christians shouldn't be mislead by this "Cruciferous" nonsense - it has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus. If I had my guess it's some new scheme coming from the Vatican.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-28-2017, 04:38 AM
I have outlawed pineapple rings within the confines of my household. I believe it is what turned my son into a girl.
Isaiah 66:15
For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! -
05-28-2017, 07:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas Taylor
I have outlawed pineapple rings within the confines of my household. I believe it is what turned my son into a girl.
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You bring up an interesting point Brother Taylor. I don't remember the exact year, but there was a California pizza restaurant chain that started putting pineapple rings on pizzas (a disgusting thought) - which no doubt was instrumental in turning millions of virile men into homers.
Pineapples also are a feature of one other vile thing that needs to be banned - Polynesian "Tiki" culture. With its kitschy décor, offensive false gods carved from coconut trees, insufferable Hawaiian music, hula dancers, and luaus, it's one place Christians don't want to be caught anywhere near.
It's rumored that Linda Blair had to down some of that Hawaiian poi to do that projectile puking scene in "The Exorcist". Then there's the mediocre samplings of sticky sauced pu pu platters, pressed duck, sweet and sour pork, rumaki and egg rolls - and with bamboo everywhere you're never quite sure what you are eating.
There is no doubt that many a virtuous Christian woman has been compromised by consuming their sweetened rum laden drinks like Mai Tais, Singapore Slings, and Zombies.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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