HOME WELCOME! FORUMS Register FAQ Calendar
Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > General Church Fellowship
Reload this Page I did NOT kill Monty!
General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Jack O'fagan's Avatar
Jack O'fagan Jack O'fagan is offline
With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant True Christian™ Flat Earth Tell her once Ex-Masturbator Heaven Bound Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork 3rd Year Bible College Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior Hands Off

 
Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-14-2012, 08:13 AM
I have now even more problems with my children's school. The school has a pet Kingsnake called 'Monty'. If the children have been good then they can can take turns in taking Monty home for the weekend. Monty has been with the school for nearly 20 years now and there is a lot of affection shown to this creature. (Monty is similar to the one below).




Anyway last weekend it was my daughter Abishag's turn to look after Monty and during this time it died.

This morning I had an angry call from the headmaster to say that they have had the report from the vet and Monty died because he was jammed solid with dirt and did I know anything about it?

I grabbed my trusted KJV1611 and read out,


Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:



I explained that Monty looked so thin and he needed nutrition that he was not getting from the mice that they were feeding him. I therefore put a funnel down his throat and filled him with lots of nutritional dirt.

He died just after from what I believe to be malnutrition, it seems I may have been just too late administering the dust.

I have to go to the school later for a chat with the headmaster, the veterinary surgeon and a police officer. I'm sure that when I read them the Genesis account then this unfortunate incident will soon be resolved,

YIC

Jack

Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
Last edited by Professor Bessemer; 09-15-2012 at 08:36 AM. Reason: Typo
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Faith_Machine's Avatar
Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Porn Resistant True Republican The Lord’s Witness Wound Pro-Life Ex-liberal Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Flat Earth Tell her once Guns, Guts and GLORY! Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior TC Bravery True Christian Hotrodder Tagging for Jesus Paula Deen Negro Support Group Early riser Touched by Jesus 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mission to Korea Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Sheep Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-14-2012, 08:28 AM
They were feeding the poor thing mice when it should have been eating dirt? What idiots! You should have them brought up on charges of animal cruelty.

WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Jack O'fagan's Avatar
Jack O'fagan Jack O'fagan is offline
With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant True Christian™ Flat Earth Tell her once Ex-Masturbator Heaven Bound Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork 3rd Year Bible College Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior Hands Off

 
Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-14-2012, 09:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
They were feeding the poor thing mice when it should have been eating dirt? What idiots! You should have them brought up on charges of animal cruelty.
Can you believe these people? They had been feeding Monty one mouse every few weeks.


Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

God tells us that Monty had to eat dust EVERY day and all he was getting was the occasional mouse. No wonder he died.


YIC

Jack

Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Faith_Machine's Avatar
Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Porn Resistant True Republican The Lord’s Witness Wound Pro-Life Ex-liberal Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Flat Earth Tell her once Guns, Guts and GLORY! Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior TC Bravery True Christian Hotrodder Tagging for Jesus Paula Deen Negro Support Group Early riser Touched by Jesus 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mission to Korea Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Sheep Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-14-2012, 09:49 AM
Is it possible Monty may have been intentionally poisoned?

If any of those students were allowed to play a certain video game, I fear it may have given them ideas...



I'm sure you know how easily violent video games can influence the behavior of children.

WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-15-2012, 05:15 AM
Sweet Jesus I almost had a heart attack when I read the title of this thread!

I thought for a moment that you had killed Brother Monty!


...No one's seen him in awhile....

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Bjorn Jensen's Avatar
Bjorn Jensen Bjorn Jensen is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Honorary Ex-Eskimo True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Persecuted Porn Resistant Guns, Guts and GLORY! One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus Saved 1 Year Public Awareness Medal TC Bravery Pro-Life Christian Love 2014 Witch Hunt Award Anti-sodomy 2015 Witch Hunt Award Jailed for JESUS Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Ex-Scandinavian Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bjorn Jensen will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-15-2012, 06:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Is it possible Monty may have been intentionally poisoned?

If any of those students were allowed to play a certain video game, I fear it may have given them ideas...



I'm sure you know how easily violent video games can influence the behavior of children.
Typical of today's teens to be inspired by violent video games and deny a snake it's daily meal of dirt
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Godfly's Avatar
Godfly Godfly is offline
Descended from Rapes
True Christian™

True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Ex-Masturbator Protected by JESUS Real American™ Heaven Bound True Christian™ Christian Love TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 1 Year One Year/1000 posts Tell her once Porn Resistant Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Teabag Patriot Persecuted Punched the most queers Sons of Liberty Super Soaker Baptism Award Persecuted Pro-Life True Republican Ready for the Rapture Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Truck Stop Ministry Member Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Jailed for JESUS Ex-rape victim Anti-sodomy

 
Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Godfly will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: I did NOT kill Monty! - 09-15-2012, 07:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
Can you believe these people? They had been feeding Monty one mouse every few weeks.


Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

God tells us that Monty had to eat dust EVERY day and all he was getting was the occasional mouse. No wonder he died.


YIC

Jack
If mice weren't dusty creatures Monty would have died long ago. I'm sure the headmaster is very embarrassed and just wants to apologize. You might want to take this opportunity to tell him that the title of "headmaster" sounds very gay, or as you people say, bent. Add to that his affinity for snakes and you have a scandal waiting to happen. He should call himself a Principle like a proper man.

Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
genesis, snakes: tempter of women

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved

Send an email to the Senior Pastor - Landover Baptist Church - Top