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Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Default A Christmas Game - 12-27-2016, 01:50 AM

Oh yes, I know, some of you will say that Christmas is a time for intense worship of Baby Jesus and a consideration of His Life, His Works and His Temporary Death, but there is always time for an instructive game as we sit around the fire thanking God for absolutely everything.

So I devised this game. It is simple. All you need is a dice and perhaps a button to mark your progress.

The object of the game is simple - reach Heaven and Who awaits you whilst avoiding all the traps that Satan sets.

I hope your souls are at peace at this Holy Time

Pastor E. Bathfire

(Hint: If you are a it will help if you pray for the number that you want. Prayer is the answer to everything, for God answers all prayers.)


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“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation Alan Swallows is offline
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Default Re: A Christmas Game - 12-27-2016, 03:11 AM

Great game, Pastor!

And thanks for the hint. I didn't always get the number I prayed for the on the first go, but I took a lesson from the Parable of the Friend at Night (Lk 11:5-8) and found that if I persisted in praying for the number I needed, I would eventually get it, usually within just five or six tosses of the dice.

What I like most about the game are the yellow squares that take you directly to join Jesus. They are a reminder that at any moment one could have a heart attack or an aneurysm or a road accident. Your soul will go to be with the Lord (Phil 1:23), but your body will still be here, in need of preservation until the resurrection of the dead. It just so happens that I provide such a service.

As you've probably heard, I've been out of town for a while and only just got back (just as well business is slow in Freehold; otherwise there could have been quite a stench about the town), so I haven't yet had a chance to approach you about a funeral plan. I know you're hanging out for the rapture (aren't we all?), and you'll be pleased to know that if neither of us tastes death, you will get a 50% refund upon our return to earth to reign with Christ for 1,000 years (Rev 20:4). I hope you will prayerfully consider my offer. If you're interested, just let me know and I'll give you a great deal.
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Default Re: A Christmas Game - 12-27-2016, 01:09 PM

Good Game!
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One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
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Default Re: A Christmas Game - 12-27-2016, 05:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows View Post
Great game, Pastor!

And thanks for the hint. I didn't always get the number I prayed for the on the first go,
I suspect that you didn't phrase your prayer properly - However, as a True Christian, I suggest that you forget the dice and simply pray for God to speak to you in your head and tell you on which square He wants to have you land - then simply go there.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
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Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: A Christmas Game - 12-27-2016, 05:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Good Game!
Thank you: it is both instructive and improving.

Brother Elmer White has suggested making it a free download for True Christians - with the usual Interweb block on Atheists and Catholics being able to obtain a copy.

Look on it as a small gift to the deserving Christian.

DOWNLOAD IT NOW WITH ONE CLICK!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Titus Templeton's Avatar
Titus Templeton Titus Templeton is offline
Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
Jesus macht frei
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Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Gold Tither Porn Resistant Persecuted Pro-Life One Year/1000 posts True Christian Artist True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Public Awareness Medal Saved 5 Years Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Heart of compassion Eats the Most Pork Truck Stop Ministry Member Donald Trump 2016! Mower Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
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Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Titus Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: A Christmas Game - 12-27-2016, 06:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Thank you: it is both instructive and improving.

Brother Elmer White has suggested making it a free download for True Christians - with the usual Interweb block on Atheists and Catholics being able to obtain a copy.

Look on it as a small gift to the deserving Christian.
Make two seperate downloads. One for True Christians™ and one for all the other "people". The other download we put an option into it that before they can install they have to accept Jesus as their saviour.
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