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Reload this Page Hogwarts - STD horror
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-07-2012, 07:46 PM
A member of my congregation informed me this morning that her daughter has contracted a case of the "Hogwarts".

I've never heard of this disease, but apparently she got it from her husband, who seems always to be late coming home from work, and has many breakdowns at a nearby highway rest area.

Can anyone tell me about this disease? I don't even know what the symptoms are, but it sounds horribly unpleasant.

I can't help but think pork is somehow involved.

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-07-2012, 08:11 PM
I think it can be contracted by attending a Harry Potter book signing.

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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-07-2012, 08:33 PM
This appears to be a very grave situation and cannot please the lord;

Leviticus 22:22
Do not offer to the LORD the blind, the injured or the maimed, or anything with warts or festering or running sores. Do not place any of these on the altar as a food offering presented to the LORD.

As far as those late nights at the rest area;

Romans 14:15 But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.
Last edited by James Hutchins; 05-07-2012 at 10:02 PM.
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-07-2012, 09:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
A member of my congregation informed me this morning that her daughter has contracted a case of the "Hogwarts".

I've never heard of this disease, but apparently she got it from her husband, who seems always to be late coming home from work, and has many breakdowns at a nearby highway rest area.

Can anyone tell me about this disease? I don't even know what the symptoms are, but it sounds horribly unpleasant.

I can't help but think pork is somehow involved.
My own husband, dear Mr. Etheldreda, often finds his car breaks down near highway rest areas as well. I suspect the Adversary has a mighty power over these places (you know, what with all the evil and immorality that invites his presence there). In any case, my husband takes the time to minister the Word to people there while he takes the time to fix his automobile. I can ask him if he's ever heard of this condition himself. He's out of town this week on a business trip so it'll have to wait, if you don't mind.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 01:05 AM
I thought hogwarts was an expression for BS?

You know like "that's complete hogwarts. Of course all gays go to HELL".




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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 01:45 AM
Maybe hogwarts are like genital warts! Eww.

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 02:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
A member of my congregation informed me this morning that her daughter has contracted a case of the "Hogwarts".

I've never heard of this disease, but apparently she got it from her husband, who seems always to be late coming home from work, and has many breakdowns at a nearby highway rest area.

Can anyone tell me about this disease? I don't even know what the symptoms are, but it sounds horribly unpleasant.

I can't help but think pork is somehow involved.
It's almost definitely herpes.

I'm guessing the gentleman in question may have unfortunately shared a fuel siphoning hose with a fellow motorist of less than wholesome morals.

Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 02:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BargeDave View Post
It's almost definitely herpes.

I'm guessing the gentleman in question may have unfortunately shared a fuel siphoning hose with a fellow motorist of less than wholesome morals.
But then how would the young lady get it . . . down there?

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 02:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
But then how would the young lady get it . . . down there?
From dating this unsaved pervert!




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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 02:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BargeDave View Post
It's almost definitely herpes.

I'm guessing the gentleman in question may have unfortunately shared a fuel siphoning hose with a fellow motorist of less than wholesome morals.
A common practice amongst you abos. I'll take your word for it.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 04:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Maybe hogwarts are like genital warts! Eww.

Is it okay if I find the slang of "Hogwarts" for an STD hilariously ironic? Abstaining until you find your mate may truly be the safest way to avoid these scary stds.

A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast; But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel. Proverbs 12:10
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 11:22 AM
I'd like to point out that through abstinence and not dressing like a slut (just keep your clothes on- not that hard to do), there is a 100% chance of not getting an STD. I mention the keeping your clothes on because now apparently there are STDs that travel just by skin-to-skin contact. Clearly this is God's righteous judgement on people who dress like sluts and engage in sickening acts of sodomy.
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 11:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shy Rita View Post
I'd like to point out that through abstinence and not dressing like a slut (just keep your clothes on- not that hard to do), there is a 100% chance of not getting an STD. I mention the keeping your clothes on because now apparently there are STDs that travel just by skin-to-skin contact. Clearly this is God's righteous judgement on people who dress like sluts and engage in sickening acts of sodomy.
Apparently you can buy special suits to prevent skin contact and thus prevent getting diseases.


Genesis 7:5
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by shy Rita View Post
I'd like to point out that through abstinence and not dressing like a slut (just keep your clothes on- not that hard to do), there is a 100% chance of not getting an STD. I mention the keeping your clothes on because now apparently there are STDs that travel just by skin-to-skin contact. Clearly this is God's righteous judgement on people who dress like sluts and engage in sickening acts of sodomy.
Is that how the Hogwarts get around? Simple skin-to-skin contact?

Can I get them from a handshake? I shook the girl's hand at service on Sunday!

Shall I tell her mother to quarantine the girl in her menstra hut and disinfect the house?

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 04:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Is that how the Hogwarts get around? Simple skin-to-skin contact?

Can I get them from a handshake? I shook the girl's hand at service on Sunday!

Shall I tell her mother to quarantine the girl in her menstra hut and disinfect the house?
I'm not sure about the Hogwarts, but I'll check...
In actuality, the term Hogwarts (the school of the Harry Potter series) is alluding to genital warts. Disgusting. Yet more proof that J.K. Rowling is one sick bastard! (Knew it all along...)
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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by shy Rita View Post
I'm not sure about the Hogwarts, but I'll check...
In actuality, the term Hogwarts (the school of the Harry Potter series) is alluding to genital warts. Disgusting. Yet more proof that J.K. Rowling is one sick bastard! (Knew it all along...)
I think I'm going to be sick.

Are they the common ones that they can freeze off her, or are we looking at demonic warts that will require intensive prayer or >gulp< the laying on of hands?



On a completely unrelated subject, have any Pastors here done faith healing while wearing elbow-length Playtex rubber gloves?

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 05:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
I think I'm going to be sick.

Are they the common ones that they can freeze off her, or are we looking at demonic warts that will require intensive prayer or >gulp< the laying on of hands?



On a completely unrelated subject, have any Pastors here done faith healing while wearing elbow-length Playtex rubber gloves?
I hate being the bearer of bad news (well sometimes I enjoy it but that's another issue), but since it is coming from J.K. Rowling's sick and twisted brain (can we call it a brain?- it seems too stupid and demon-controlled to be called an actual brain), they're probably demonic. They probably come from some witch casting a spell on them.
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 08:42 PM
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I hate being the bearer of bad news (well sometimes I enjoy it but that's another issue), but since it is coming from J.K. Rowling's sick and twisted brain (can we call it a brain?- it seems too stupid and demon-controlled to be called an actual brain), they're probably demonic. They probably come from some witch casting a spell on them.
Wait, are you saying she invented a disease and it escaped her books into the real world?

She MUST be a witch. That'd explain how her mediocre books made her a billionaire!

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Hogwarts - STD horror - 05-08-2012, 09:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Wait, are you saying she invented a disease and it escaped her books into the real world?

She MUST be a witch. That'd explain how her mediocre books made her a billionaire!
Well even people who knew her when she was young called her a witch. She used to use her friends to help her get ingredients for potions. Sick. She had given her soul to satan from the moment she was born.
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