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Reload this Page A Letter to a Grieving Mother.
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Default A Letter to a Grieving Mother. - 06-02-2015, 07:43 PM

I am taking space (at a favorable rate) in the newspaper to display God's and my displeasure.

Let me tell you that I am beyond furious! NEVER, EVER! In all my time as a Pastor have I EVER come across such a letter to a deeply grieving mother! I cannot even conceive of how it is possible for someone to write anything like this!


It comes as no large surprise to see that the signature is illegible – whoever wrote this is hiding under a stone for shame – he knew – YES HE DID!!! – he knew what he was doing.

Just imagine receiving such a letter! What on earth are you going to think? What impression is it going to leave of Landover Baptist Church? What are they going to think of our standards, our love of God and of the One True Christian Faith in general!

What were they thinking???????????? The absolute thoughtlessness! The stupidity! The insult to the recipient!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!

It is beyond belief, and here you are reading the words of someone who allegedly accepts, without question, that Balaam’s ass spoke to him!!!!!!!!!! ---- Inspired by THE LORD, people!

The letter:
Dear Mrs John Ingleton,

Whereas spiritual matters are best dealt with by reference to your husband (1 Corinthians 14:35), I can again inform you that, as your daughter, Tracey, aged 2 years and 4 months, passed into the next life unbaptized, there seems no chance that she will be anywhere near Jesus, Who finds sin abhorrent and only bravely went down to Hell to save a few good souls who had appealed more than most to His Father, God.

I note that you objected to my last letter that described the fate of Tracey as “being handed around like an inflatable sex-doll between the abominable minions of Satan for their lustful pleasure.”, but this is pretty standard for the denizens of Hell.

You must, you really must, understand that “A True Christian cannot hold that title if he doubts the word of The Almighty as revealed in KJV 1611 by inspiration of Himself.”

It is not for you to make some sentimental, over-emotional, hysterical alteration to the Scriptures and claim that “Tracey is sitting on a cloud, playing a harp with her grandparents within hollering distance.” This is simply not so! Joh:3:5: Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

Tracey, 2 years and 4 months, could not “accept” Jesus as she did not have the mental capacity. This means that she “cannot enter into the kingdom of God.”

The only alternative is that her soul descends, forever, to the bowels of Hell, the pit of boiling Brimstone and the tender mercies of the vice-fueled abominations of the Prince of Darkness where corruption reigns and “fresh, young flesh” is seen as a delight for those who, like catholics and Atheists, have ABSOLUTELY no moral compass. After an eternity of the vilest abuse, her soul is tossed to burn and burn and burn…. But wait… then she is taken from the pit and, whilst her torn flesh of her orifices remains unhealed, the Devils attack her again, at the same time perhaps blinding her with acid, or by pushing barbed red-hot pokers in her face and limbs and withdrawing them slowly.

This, I remind you, is what you signed up to when you too was baptized – you said you understood it and that is how it is. It is the ONLY reason that your soul will ascend to Heaven. Yes, you will be able to look down and see Tracey. Yes, you will be able to do it for all Eternity, but you will also feel no horror, no sympathy nor any concern – this is heaven and you, a True Christian, will have nothing but bliss – pure, unalloyed bliss – nothing of your earthly feelings will remain to alter this - you will be perfect.

This is the second time that I have told you what has happened to Tracey, I know the first time was more graphic. I do not feel that further correspondence will be of any help at all, or, in the least part, salvific. Thus this correspondence is at an end.

Yours, In Christ

(illegible)
Dear reader, I am sure you are with me on this one and see the reason for my fury. The errors are palpable.

As detestable as they are “Catholic” takes an uppercase C and atheist takes a lower case a, and, God forgive you whoever you are, the second person singular, simple past of the verb to be is were! Get it??? YOU WERE!!!!

What in Damnation were you thinking of? These are basic errors! Yes, we may expect the cannon fodder of the Tea Party to make the odd spelling error in the battle for the moral high-ground, but we at Landover are God’s elite! We write perfect American.


There's an investigation underway!


Get it right or get out! How is it possible to praise God if you can’t do it in American? The writer of the letter disgusts me!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: A Letter to a Grieving Mother. - 06-02-2015, 07:50 PM

This type of disaster only happens when you allow women to communicate. When you prevent them from talking, typing, texting, tindering, tweetering or whatever they discovered this week to yap on and on and on, only then will they stop talking nonsense. Sometimes I wonder why God even gave women mouths. I know the answer though. Jesus did this to make us suffer hard to deserve Heaven and to appreciate Heaven more as clearly women will never be allowed to communicate in Heaven for all eternity.


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: A Letter to a Grieving Mother. - 06-02-2015, 08:31 PM

My older boys have read your post, which is an excellent teaching tool (thank you!), and while they correctly identified the errors you cite, James (9) wondered about the capitalization of the word "Brimstone". In the absence of my husband, who is away on business, could you perhaps rule on this? I do not feel equipped to do so.

John (also 9) wonders why anyone in his right mind would write to this woman a second time, when she clearly rides the short bus. After a little discussion, Luke (11) opined that only someone who wanted the last word would bother, which suggests that it was written by a woman.

This leads me to ask - are you sure this was written by one of us, Brother Bathfire? All decent and self-respecting Ladies of Landover would leave such matters to our husbands. Unless perhaps it was written by one of the more bitter spinsters?

YiC
Joanna


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Love Jesus Re: A Letter to a Grieving Mother. - 06-03-2015, 10:50 AM

This lack of basic grammar is truly distasteful. I would assume that Granny June wrote this? Where is she, anyway? First, Mistress Cookie took a field-trip with Brother Faith Machine, and now, I've just passed by the office and June wasn't there either (I've noticed some leftovers of her sloppy cakes or cookies or whatever that was, though).

Maybe it's time for the Landover Baptist Church to employ a male secretary? Somebody younger and more responsible than the two aforementioned ladies? I'm sure that Pastor Ezekiel or Dr. Niles could find a perfect candidate - you know, somebody who could attract easily impressionable persons into the church, instead of repelling them (like June does, with that greasy hair and terrible breath).
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Default Re: A Letter to a Grieving Mother. - 06-04-2015, 12:27 AM

Why, I'm appalled someone spent so much time talking to a woman, unless it was a close acquaintance. Mark just gives me short directions, that way, he can have his blessed silence. And the grammar is atrocious!


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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