[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

A memorable and smart decision by the law makers in Michigan:

The Michigan Senate just passed a bill that makes sodomy a felony... The state’s law, which makes anal sex punishable by up to 15 years in prison, is ... illegal regardless of whether a couple is same-sex or different-sex... The law states that it is a felony for anyone to commit “the abominable and detestable crime against nature with mankind or with any animal.”

I think we can agree, this protects us all and will strongly resonate with the 34% of Americans who currently oppose gay marriage. Michigan's anal sex law should blossom nicely into the center-piece of Trump's victorious passage to the Presidency. BUILD THE ANAL WALL!

However, according to Federal Law: sodomy bans, which outlaw anal or oral sex, among other sex acts, were ruled unconstitutional in 2003 by the Supreme Court's decision in Lawrence v. Texas. This comes not long after the completely unrelated discovery of lead poisoning in the drinking water in that state. As you know, the symptoms of lead poisoning include:

Signs of chronic exposure include loss of short-term memory or concentration, depression, nausea, abdominal pain, loss of coordination, and numbness and tingling in the extremities. Fatigue, problems with sleep, headaches, stupor, slurred speech, and anemia are also found in chronic lead poisoning.

[Cranky Old Man]

It won't be enough to save them.