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MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 01:53 AM

Pastor I recall that tragedy vividly. What a sad day for the entire congregation. What is truly sad is that it came immediately after that tiff over the new Lamborghini purchase, as I recall it -- if only that could have been resolved before God chose to revoke her lease on life. Such a shame that her time had to come at such an inopportune moment! I trust that the dear Ms. Vera was able to bring you peace and relaxation in the way that only a woman can.


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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 02:34 AM

Remind me, Pastor, how was it that the woodchipper happened to be right under her when she happened to be on the roof, and how it was that it happened to be on at the time?



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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I believe you meant the possessive your in this case, rather than you are. And hey, with a bit more revamping, the bible could make a much better book of fairytales. It has potential. However, all the talk about rape, genocide, murder, and the endless 'begats' kind of ruin that right there.

Back to Sister Tinny though, by all means let her try, but it just means that whoever marries her will be in for a lot of trying with no baby.
Although most men wouldn't mind that, I guess. *snicker*
No, I meant "you are heathen face". It's a colloquialism, witch.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
No, I meant "you are heathen face". It's a colloquialism, witch.
Nice try, but it still doesn't make sense. *snicker*



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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:15 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Remind me, Pastor, how was it that the woodchipper happened to be right under her when she happened to be on the roof, and how it was that it happened to be on at the time?
Er....I'm sorry, but the details are too painful for me to recall...without a lawyer present.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Remind me, Pastor, how was it that the woodchipper happened to be right under her when she happened to be on the roof, and how it was that it happened to be on at the time?
Just what are you suggesting HEATHEN WITCH? How dare you take beloved Pastor Al's healing wounds and try to RIP them open again! Have you no shame? Of course you don't! Keep jacking your pie hole, WITCH, and you'll find yourself the next "guest of honor" at LBC's next Cross Lighting Ceremony.


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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:23 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Nice try, but it still doesn't make sense. *snicker*
Who said colloquialisms have to make sense? Have you ever listened to a gang of teenage hiphoppers? How about an inbred Kentucky family? It's just a term I picked up in the convent, and sometimes it slips out.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Er....I'm sorry, but the details are too painful for me to recall...without a lawyer present.
Well, I hope that you keep the woodchipper safely away from Ching Lee when she has to go to clean on the roof!

Quote:
Just what are you suggesting HEATHEN WITCH? How dare you take beloved Pastor Al's healing wounds and try to RIP them open again! Have you no shame? Of course you don't! Keep jacking your pie hole, WITCH, and you'll find yourself the next "guest of honor" at LBC's next Cross Lighting Ceremony.
Not unless I or you learn to teleport .
Simply pointing out a few odd things. It just seems very weird that the woodchipper was in such an odd place where it would have been much more useful in a different part of the yard, and there just happened to be loose tile (it was loose tile, wasn't it, Pastor Al?) and the woodchipper happened to be EXACTLY under where the loose tile was.
Just a little strange is all.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 01-29-2007 at 03:43 AM.
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 03:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Not unless I or you learn to teleport.
I am assigning you 1,000 infraction points for butchering God's preferred language (American), and for advocating sorcery in His favorite forum.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 04:30 AM

Sheesh, one typo and you go nuts.
As to teleportation, I'm not advocating it, I'm merely stating that unless you learn it, I won't be at any of your bonfires.



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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-29-2007, 08:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Well, I hope that you keep the woodchipper safely away from Ching Lee when she has to go to clean on the roof!


Not unless I or you learn to teleport .
Simply pointing out a few odd things. It just seems very weird that the woodchipper was in such an odd place where it would have been much more useful in a different part of the yard, and there just happened to be loose tile (it was loose tile, wasn't it, Pastor Al?) and the woodchipper happened to be EXACTLY under where the loose tile was.
Just a little strange is all.
I do believe the good Pastor stated that Mrs. Pistle was trimming the apple tree when she fell. Thus, she was cutting branches and tossing them directly into the chipper.

Perhaps you'd like her to work inefficiently, cut the branches and THEN chip them?
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-30-2007, 01:26 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
No it isn't. It's about the same as the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm, except less interesting.
The Bible is no book of fairy tales. It is the unfalliable, inerrant, and inspired Word of God. It contains the 100% truth.
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 01-31-2007, 08:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Sheesh, one typo and you go nuts.
As to teleportation, I'm not advocating it, I'm merely stating that unless you learn it, I won't be at any of your bonfires.
Who needs teleportation when we have ghost planes?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 02-02-2007, 05:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Who needs teleportation when we have ghost planes?

Please do elaborate Brother Temperance. Are these planes on or aroud Sheol? Honesty, after my discussions with Pastor J. Daniels tonight, I am very curious.


"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 02-02-2007, 04:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Not unless I or you learn to teleport .
Oh, we can arrange transport to Iowa from that spider infested oversized island of yours Rachael.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Simply pointing out a few odd things. It just seems very weird that the woodchipper was in such an odd place where it would have been much more useful in a different part of the yard, and there just happened to be loose tile (it was loose tile, wasn't it, Pastor Al?) and the woodchipper happened to be EXACTLY under where the loose tile was.
Just a little strange is all.
It was a tree branch Rachael and by horrible chance the poor Mss Pistle was pruning it and tossing branches into the wood chipper under her. (Pastor Al's Mexican gardeners were drunk and asleep at the time since it was Cinco de Mayo. Al is such a softy, why all his indoor servants were is Des Moines that day on a outing paid by the kind Pastor) You see, a sad and far to common household accident Rachael. You have trees there is Australia Rachael, correct? Then I urge you to be careful too.



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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 02-02-2007, 05:34 PM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
You have trees there is Australia Rachael, correct? Then I urge you to be careful too.
I hear they have barbeque pits, too.
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 02-02-2007, 05:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Dr. Davidson View Post
Please do elaborate Brother Temperance. Are these planes on or aroud Sheol? Honesty, after my discussions with Pastor J. Daniels tonight, I am very curious.
We don't like to talk about the ghost planes.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband. - 02-02-2007, 06:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
We don't like to talk about the ghost planes.
I thought you meant this one.
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