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Dear Landover Baptist Church,
Hello everyone. I have wonderful news to share with you all. Last week, I was walking along the southern border of our compound. I inadvertently crossed the border that separates our compound from the rest of the sinful world (except for Landover). The part of the border I was walking along was rarely visited and thus unkempt. Upon returning home I immediately assigned a Negro servant to fix it. Arrangements are being made to replace the fence with a reinforced marble wall on February 27th.
Anyway, as I was walking, I came upon, to my horror, a blood-soaked satanic altar! Immediately, I began to back away but the voice of God said, "Daniel, stay here until the appointed time,” So I did. I waited there for five days (Monday through Friday). During the day, I prayed and read my Holy (KJV1611) Bible. During the night, I followed the example of Israel (formerly, Jacob) and rested my head upon a rock as I slept. I did not eat during those five days, but miraculously, I was never hungry and didn't lose a pound. Praise Jesus! On Friday morning at about 6:00 AM, I was praying when I heard a loud chanting sound. Six wiccans were walking toward the altar. They had a goat on a leash. I guess they intended to sacrifice it. Even when they saw me, I stood my ground. I took out my Holy Bible and All-in-One exorcism kit provided by the local Baptist church. When the wiccans reached me, the leader of the group said, “You!! Child of the Light!! You have no place here!! Leave or we shall sacrifice you also!!!” I can’t stand how melodramatic wiccans are. Anyway, I held my Holy Bible firmly in my hands and whacked him over the head with it. I said, “Demon, come out of this man!” The man shuddered violently and fell to the ground. I believe it was partly because of the exorcism and partly because my Bible is almost 1000 pages long. When he recovered a few seconds later, he began crying (Satan had turned him homosexual) and ran behind me. The rest of the wiccans faced me. They charged at me all at once. I stood my ground and proceeded to exorcize every single on of them. After they were all passed out from the exorcism, I removed a hypodermic tranquilizer from my Exorcism Kit and administered it to them one by one. It is guaranteed to knock out a demon possessed (or otherwise) person for seven hours. Thanks Creation Science. I was home in time to clean up and go to church. The altar was torn down, the goat was killed, the fence was fixed, and the wiccans are now reformed, saved, prayed through, baptized, attendees of and tithers to the local Baptist Church. Praise Jesus! We have taken souls from the ranks of the enemy and reformed them through Jesus. Satan had better watch his back. We're coming for him. Praise!
Yours in Christ,
Brother Daniel
Hacker for Jesus
Hello everyone. I have wonderful news to share with you all. Last week, I was walking along the southern border of our compound. I inadvertently crossed the border that separates our compound from the rest of the sinful world (except for Landover). The part of the border I was walking along was rarely visited and thus unkempt. Upon returning home I immediately assigned a Negro servant to fix it. Arrangements are being made to replace the fence with a reinforced marble wall on February 27th.
Anyway, as I was walking, I came upon, to my horror, a blood-soaked satanic altar! Immediately, I began to back away but the voice of God said, "Daniel, stay here until the appointed time,” So I did. I waited there for five days (Monday through Friday). During the day, I prayed and read my Holy (KJV1611) Bible. During the night, I followed the example of Israel (formerly, Jacob) and rested my head upon a rock as I slept. I did not eat during those five days, but miraculously, I was never hungry and didn't lose a pound. Praise Jesus! On Friday morning at about 6:00 AM, I was praying when I heard a loud chanting sound. Six wiccans were walking toward the altar. They had a goat on a leash. I guess they intended to sacrifice it. Even when they saw me, I stood my ground. I took out my Holy Bible and All-in-One exorcism kit provided by the local Baptist church. When the wiccans reached me, the leader of the group said, “You!! Child of the Light!! You have no place here!! Leave or we shall sacrifice you also!!!” I can’t stand how melodramatic wiccans are. Anyway, I held my Holy Bible firmly in my hands and whacked him over the head with it. I said, “Demon, come out of this man!” The man shuddered violently and fell to the ground. I believe it was partly because of the exorcism and partly because my Bible is almost 1000 pages long. When he recovered a few seconds later, he began crying (Satan had turned him homosexual) and ran behind me. The rest of the wiccans faced me. They charged at me all at once. I stood my ground and proceeded to exorcize every single on of them. After they were all passed out from the exorcism, I removed a hypodermic tranquilizer from my Exorcism Kit and administered it to them one by one. It is guaranteed to knock out a demon possessed (or otherwise) person for seven hours. Thanks Creation Science. I was home in time to clean up and go to church. The altar was torn down, the goat was killed, the fence was fixed, and the wiccans are now reformed, saved, prayed through, baptized, attendees of and tithers to the local Baptist Church. Praise Jesus! We have taken souls from the ranks of the enemy and reformed them through Jesus. Satan had better watch his back. We're coming for him. Praise!
Yours in Christ,
Brother Daniel
Hacker for Jesus
).
You're not for real are you?
Wicca is not something to convert to, You either are or you aren't.
dang...And btw im not mexican...
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