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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-24-2007, 09:00 PM

I was looking through websites for Godly ways to procreate and I stumbled upon http://www.sexinchrist.com/submission.html

It has far too many words for me to really bother myself, but at the bottom of the page, it talks about
Viagra?
Fisting?
Anal?
Threesomes? Is that two teats and your pee machine?

I've never heard such words.
What do they have to do with procreating?


Premarital sex is only a roadblock to holiness. You don't need to touch another person's body–or your own–to have a rockin' good time!
Abstinence: it's not easy but neither are you!
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-24-2007, 09:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikilds View Post
I was looking through websites for Godly ways to procreate and I stumbled upon http://www.sexinchrist.com/submission.html

It has far too many words for me to really bother myself, but at the bottom of the page, it talks about
Viagra?
Fisting?
Anal?
Threesomes? Is that two teats and your pee machine?

I've never heard such words.
What do they have to do with procreating?
Sista, I think that website be the debbil himself tryin'a tempt you! I din't read much o' it, because I seen that it had called M-in' a GIFT! The Bible clearly state that it be sin, so if they's gonna tryta tempt folk inta that, they be no tellin' what othah sins they gonna tryta pull folk into.


"He went on CNN and he laughed at us, and he said, 'They'll never get me because Allah will protect me. Allah will protect me.' Well, you know what? I knew that my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol." - Lt. General William G. Boykin
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-24-2007, 09:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikilds View Post
I've never heard such words.
What do they have to do with procreating?
Where did you find this filthy, young lady?
You really seem to need a hard rebuke and proper education on the role of women:
So when you've become a member of LBC in proper, come to my mansion in Freehold first thing you do.
And I would believe that Pastor Ezekiel and Pastor Bobby-Joe will probably want to partake in the rebuking too..
So be prepared for a long, hard, rebuke that will leave you exhausted, but will have you shouting the name of the Lord.
Cause we will make sure that you are properly filled with God's love before you're allown to leave.
Glory!


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13

Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 07-24-2007 at 09:26 PM.
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-24-2007, 10:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
Where did you find this filthy, young lady?
You really seem to need a hard rebuke and proper education on the role of women:
So when you've become a member of LBC in proper, come to my mansion in Freehold first thing you do.
And I would believe that Pastor Ezekiel and Pastor Bobby-Joe will probably want to partake in the rebuking too..
So be prepared for a long, hard, rebuke that will leave you exhausted, but will have you shouting the name of the Lord.
Cause we will make sure that you are properly filled with God's love before you're allown to leave.
Glory!
Yes Sister Nikilds, it is clear that after viewing that website you need Pastor guidance. I will be by to take you over to Pastor Zeke's office were he can refreash you in Biblical knowlage.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

Hot Must ReadThreads!


Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 01:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Yes Sister Nikilds, it is clear that after viewing that website you need Pastor guidance. I will be by to take you over to Pastor Zeke's office were he can refreash you in Biblical knowlage.
This is indeed disturbing. I was encouraged by Sister Nikilds path to becoming a True Christian™, but it just goes to show you that Satan can infiltrate an index finger on a mouse in a fraction of a second. Prayer and rest to prepare for a marathon rebuking session will certainly place her back on track.


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 04:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
I will be by to take you over to Pastor Zeke's office were he can refreash you in Biblical knowlage.
*Cough...

Better hope he's got a Dictionary too...
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 10:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sista Lateefah View Post
Sista, I think that website be the debbil himself tryin'a tempt you! I din't read much o' it, because I seen that it had called M-in' a GIFT! The Bible clearly state that it be sin, so if they's gonna tryta tempt folk inta that, they be no tellin' what othah sins they gonna tryta pull folk into.
Indeed. Most of that site is just vile, Satanic nonsense. Except for the stuff about fisting as a way of experiencing God's Love, which is just common sense, really.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 02:03 PM

Why, oh why, am I so foolish to have believed Godly procreating would be posted on the world wide web?!?

I seemed to have been blinded and forgotten the Devil, himself, along with Al Gore's help created the internet.


Premarital sex is only a roadblock to holiness. You don't need to touch another person's body–or your own–to have a rockin' good time!
Abstinence: it's not easy but neither are you!
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 02:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikilds View Post
Why, oh why, am I so foolish to have believed Godly procreating would be posted on the world wide web?!?

I seemed to have been blinded and forgotten the Devil, himself, along with Al Gore's help created the internet.
Not so fast, sister. Several of the brothers have expressed an intense interest in participating in your thorough and complete rebuking, along with a spiritual cleaning to ensure that you understand the depths of Christ's love. We'll expect you to report to my private residence right after Friday Services. We'll have you bathed completely in Christ's love and cleaned up and ready to go in time for Sunday morning services.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 02:28 PM

I was reading the Good Word and came upon this scripture.

Quote:
Ecclesiastes 7:5
It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools.


I will be at that rebuking Pastors!


Premarital sex is only a roadblock to holiness. You don't need to touch another person's body–or your own–to have a rockin' good time!
Abstinence: it's not easy but neither are you!
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 03:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikilds View Post
I was reading the Good Word and came upon this scripture.

I will be at that rebuking Pastors!
Would it be possible to have the "rebuking" videotaped for future instruction nights on scripture at my house?


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 03:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy View Post
Would it be possible to have the "rebuking" videotaped for future instruction nights on scripture at my house?
It is standard procedure at LBC to record long and important rebukings..
However, such videos are restricted, and only available to the ministry (ie Pastors and such) and certain platinum tithers.
Though some of us theologians have access too, as we watch them as part of our theological studies.

You however, no, sorry..
Increase your tithing to platinum level and you may be granted access.
Better get to work gathering for Jesus, son.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13

Last edited by SalvationSeeker; 07-25-2007 at 03:37 PM.
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 05:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikilds View Post

I was reading the Good Word and came upon this scripture.





I will be at that rebuking Pastors!
Nikilds, I see that you have been made a True Christian -- congratulations!

-- the Godly rebuking of the Pastors must have worked quite nicely, then -- praise!



1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-25-2007, 11:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
It is standard procedure at LBC to record long and important rebukings..
However, such videos are restricted, and only available to the ministry (ie Pastors and such) and certain platinum tithers.
Though some of us theologians have access too, as we watch them as part of our theological studies.

You however, no, sorry..
Increase your tithing to platinum level and you may be granted access.
Better get to work gathering for Jesus, son.
Motivation to do the Lords will takes root in a multitude of ways.....


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-26-2007, 01:20 AM

I remember my first pastoral rebuking. They kept at me day and night, and by the time they were done, I was weak in the knees for days but full to bursting with the Glory of God!
Lesson learned and I have never made the catlick "sign of the cross" since!


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

Blogging for CHRIST!
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Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-26-2007, 01:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
I remember my first pastoral rebuking. They kept at me day and night, and by the time they were done, I was weak in the knees for days but full to bursting with the Glory of God!
Lesson learned and I have never made the catlick "sign of the cross" since!
I was wondering what sort of rebuke might the male parishioners expect?


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-26-2007, 02:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
I remember my first pastoral rebuking. They kept at me day and night, and by the time they were done, I was weak in the knees for days but full to bursting with the Glory of God!
Lesson learned and I have never made the catlick "sign of the cross" since!
Sister MM just how many rebukings have you submitted to? It sounds like you have been failing the Lord often. Is this deliberate?


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Mrs. Mary Whitford's Avatar
Mrs. Mary Whitford Mrs. Mary Whitford is offline
Ladies of Landover Senior VP
One of the Truest Christians™ Ever
Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™

Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls One Year/1000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Heterosexual™ Platinum Tither Ribfest '07 True Christian Homemaker Ex-Mary Worshipper Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Friend of Jesus Most Obedient Mrs. Sarah Palin Lady of the Year 2010 Flat Earth Mission to Australia Mama Grizzly Persecuted Pro-Life The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Batman Shooting Survivor Guns, Guts and GLORY! Kirk Cameron Fan Club The Lord’s Witness Wound Early riser Proud Niglet Sponsorer Home Schooled Jailed for JESUS Paula Deen Negro Support Group Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Mary Whitford will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-26-2007, 05:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy View Post
I was wondering what sort of rebuke might the male parishioners expect?
Full and glorious, of course.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy View Post
Sister MM just how many rebukings have you submitted to? It sounds like you have been failing the Lord often. Is this deliberate?
I was a catlick for most of my life. That's a LOT of sin and bad habits to get past, but once I was firmly in the grasp of Jesus, it got a lot easier and the rebukings petered out very quickly.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

Blogging for CHRIST!
Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
All a-Twitter for Salvation!
Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
My Ladies of Landover profile!
Reply With Quote
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Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-26-2007, 05:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Full and glorious, of course.


I was a catlick for most of my life. That's a LOT of sin and bad habits to get past, but once I was firmly in the grasp of Jesus, it got a lot easier and the rebukings petered out very quickly.
Should you ever care to visit Australia on an evangelical mission to the heathen, I would consider it my privelege to subject you to a rebuking of Biblical proportions. Thats assuming you needed one of course. Perhaps Mr Whitford would care to hold you down while i purged your demons?


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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(#20)
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Brother Guy Bayard's Avatar
Brother Guy Bayard Brother Guy Bayard is offline
Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian™

 
Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Guy Bayard has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Godly Creation in Christ. - 07-26-2007, 05:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy View Post
Should you ever care to visit Australia on an evangelical mission to the heathen, I would consider it my privelege to subject you to a rebuking of Biblical proportions. Thats assuming you needed one of course. Perhaps Mr Whitford would care to hold you down while i purged your demons?
Please dont take this the wrong way Sister. I do remember you being concerned about me contracting Gay Bowel Syndrome from my use of pink text earlier.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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