[Back against wall]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Some of us have been meeting up with Mr Hovind in a rented conference room in the sky. It's a place supplied by the Baby Jesus for everyone who, like Kent and myself, already have a personal relationship with Our Lord. We are discussing the Rapture. It was meant to be last week because the bastard dry cleaners managed to misplace my Rapture gown and have only just now located it. I am picking it up tomorrow, so the modified date for the Rapture begins next Thursday. I hope you people are right with your creator.

I find it hard to follow with any interest those who have not formally introduced themselves. I would never have the audacity to walk into another mans home and walk as if I belonged without introduction. These are the un- Godly actions of a Heathen.

Perhaps you might like to make your own thread and introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

See you in Heaven Sister Crouch.

Jan was called home to Heaven today.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

She had an angelic face--born of natural beauty and needed nothing else to look beautiful.

She and husband Paul were pioneers of living the humble life and giving away everything they had to Jesus.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Tim LaHaye, a True Christian™ pastor hailing from otherwise Godless California, was called Home to the Bosom of Jesus this week after 90 long years of service to the King of Kings. Dr. LaHaye encouraged Christians early in his career to become politically active. Forming the organization "Californians for Biblical Morality," he caught the attention of televangelist Jerry Falwell, who corroborated with Dr. LaHaye to create the Moral Majority. This non-denominational, Dominion oriented organization supported Republicans Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush before being a Christian was "cool" in politics. We can see now how very positive this message has been incorporated into our nation, as Americans are more likely to trust a child molester than an atheist in general, much less to be in charge at the helm of our great nation.

Perhaps better known for his Left Behind book series, LaHaye helped inspire generations of young Americans to develop PTSD by popularizing vivid descriptions and warnings of being Left Behind, tortured for the faith, suffering a very real Hell on Earth, complete with Satan, demons, fire, and a constant, supernatural persecution that would make Fox News blush for whining about such trivial loss of privileges every winter. Scaring the pants off children was a particular Spiritual Gift Dr. LaHaye had, and he wasted no time in spreading the fear through popular movies, church plays, youth group discussions, Vacation Bible School themes, songs, and games to be played during Family Fun Night. Dr. LaHaye was convinced the Antichrist had been born during his lifetime, and due to his earnest faith and deep pockets, he persuaded millions of Americans to accept this idea to be true. Thus, we have an unprecedented population of Americans absolutely sure any American politician or business man who is not truly devoted to Jesus could be the very one who will bring about Armageddon. Some call this paranoia, but the Bible calls it being watchful.


Can't wait to see you in Heaven!

[Roast Beef]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Was Tim living proof that being beloved of God stops your hair going grey?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Was Tim living proof that being beloved of God stops your hair going grey?

I think not. Casey Kasem used witchcraft.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

I bet good Ole Rob Ford will still be a lovable baffoon when we see him in Heaven.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Prince Consort Henrik of Denmark, a direct descendant of Hamlet and compatriot of the sodomite Hans Christian Andersen, dies at 83. How come he's in Heaven, you may ask! There is no doubt as he represented some of the most precious ideals of Biblical conduct despite being of the aristocracy of one of the vilest nations on Earth, Denmark.



The verse Prince Henrik loved the most was as follows:
Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

He despised his wife, the Queer Margrethe of Denmark and refused to be buried with her.

"It is no secret that the prince for many years has been unhappy with his role and the title he has been awarded in the Danish monarchy. This discontent has grown more and more in recent years," the palace's communications chief, Lene Balleby, told Danish tabloid BT in August last year.
"For the prince, the decision not to be buried beside the queen is the natural consequence of not having been treated equally to his spouse -- by not having the title and role he has desired."

Being born in Godless France Henrik moved to Godless Denmark expecting to establish a Kingdom but ended up being persecuted by a woman in a Queendom, probably a tranny one. By protesting he supported the Biblical Truths™ of male supremacy.

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

His persecution is a vivid example of the magnanimous nature of Jesus.

Matthew 5:12
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

We remember him fondly and will meet with Him on the Bosom of Jesus. Here you can see a picture of him with the Prince Consort aka Boytoy Charles of Good Ol' England.



Charles won't be in Heaven unless some unexpected happens in the Repentance Front.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Diesel Stanford]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

I fully expect to sit with my mentor Dr. Kent Hovind, PHD when we both come to see Jesus in the next life. A lifetime dedicated to putting the smack down on heathens/false scientists, and winning every single debate he engaged in surely warrants Dr. Hovind a special place in Heaven.

Praise Christ!

Amen, God bless Kent Hovind!

About universalism, it's not true. Otherwise John 3:36 was not part of the King James Bible. He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

[Diesel Stanford]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Most definitely, fellow True Christian™ Pat Robertson. I met Pat in the mid-70's and we've been good friends ever since. He's also a very wise man and I look up to him with much respect.

I do not mean to unkind, but then this one may shock you about Mr. Robertson: Pat Robertson Comments on Pope John Paul II's Passing

About Bob Marley: who knows if he was just like Clarence Thomas.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

I think we should move this to the entertainment forum.







Oh, okay, George H. W. Bush. He must be lonely. Everyday it must be:

"Oh hey, Dubya! Never thought I see you so soon! So what did you in: another pretzel, or did someone throw a shoe too hard -"

"No, I'm his father. He's still alive, for some reason."

"Oh. Um....Okay....Uh....Nice weather we're having?"

"IT"S ALWAYS NICE YOU SHALLOW **%#$@"

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

A man sadly used by an acquisitive harpy.

Proverbs 5
3-6 The lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: but her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.
8-11 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house: lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel: lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger; and thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Praying for dear President Mugabe. I didn't approve of his policy of unleashing hordes of jungle monkeys to beat white farmers and take their land, but they probably had it coming, as any white taking up permanent residence (excluding those in a missionary position) in the heart of darkieness is probably an abominable sinner. The late Mr. Mugabe knew well that God commands segregation (Deuteronomy 7:3, 2 Corinthians 6:14) and that no white person can be an African. I wholeheartedly agree with this statement and its implied inverse; no black person can be an American.

Just a shame that the media and world leaders won't mark his ascension to the colored section of Heaven the way they mourned Nelson Mandingo's fall into Hell. In honor of Robert "Black Hitler" Mugabe and his achievements, all whites should leave Africa and all blacks should leave America. Oh Jesus let them switch places! Please Lord please!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

ELVIS IS DEAD! At 85, the reclusive King of Rocking Rolls succumbed to the coronavirus Covid-19. And before his death, he repented. He became a Trump supporter and wielded one of the mightiest weapons available (apart from nukes and the Bible), the MAGA hat! Glory!



He did unspeakable things during his youthful days, as follows:

• He simulated self-abuse on stage and turned countless young boys into sodomistic pleasures.
• By simulating self-abuse on stage he paved the way to Madonna the Principal-Enemy-Of-Jesus, the Papist turned Joo.
• With his staged death he invented Fake News and caused our beloved leader President Trump much future frustration.

He also did some laudable things:

• He courted in the Biblical manner his wife Priscilla when she was at the tender age of fourteen, not too unlike Isaac and Rebecca (who was admittedly only three when they married).
• He served in the Godly US army in postwar Nazi Germany.

But, as told in the news article above, he repented. He became a Trump supporter. He had a MAGA hat. What would Jesus think of that?

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Jesus approves! Elvis is now a New Creature in Heaven. His sins were washed away by the Blood Magic of Christ! He is undoubtedly among those purest of the pure who sing hymns in His Glory 24/4. Glory.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Stars we'll meet in Heaven

Greetings!


One day I will be transported to Holy Mount Zion but only after I die which will be a long time from now I hope. I fear it is already too late for I to be everliving because of all the fornication. On the slopes of Mount Zion I will meet Bob Marley who is my hero along with Marcus Garvey who I expect to meet as well. Both were hounded by the white man until they died. Bob Marley was assassinated by the CIA of Babylon with a secret drug that causes brain cancer because he was bringing the people together all over the world and even in Africa and the white men put Marcus Garvey in jail for being a successful Black man.


I am pretty sure that white people are not allowed in and if some are then I am sure that there would be a special place for them which is out of sight and would not cause offense.


Jah Guide!
Trevor