[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Our pastors have gotten a lot of confused emails from people who don't understand why the Republican Party voted for the $700b Wall Street bailout while voting against a proposed $15b loan to the auto industry.

As most of you know, I'm an expert in Economics and Economic history. So, it has fallen upon me to explain the difference between economic stimulus and wasteful government spending.

What NOT economic stimulus: the auto industry bailout, consisting of 15 billion dollars of loans to the Auto Industry.

Why it's not stimulus: saving the auto industry means more money for people in Detriot. Now, have you ever seen someone from Detroit? They're not like you and me. They will waste all of the money on fried chicken and watermelons, malt liquor and crack. That means most of the money will just end up in Columbia. And of course they have unions, which means their union overlords will take lots of the money, and send it to their bosses in Moscow or North Korea or whatever unAmerican cesspool they take their orders from.

If you really want to help the auto industry, you should allow the free market to dicipline it. A few years of helping their kids pick for food in garbage cans will teach the blue-collar idiots of Detroit that their reckless speculating in "hybrids" and "fuel efficiency" just results in economic disaster. Eventually they'll learn to become financial innovators, and get jobs of Wall Street, where they will actually produce something of value for the first time in their lives.

What IS economic stimulus: the 700,000,000,000 dollar or so bailout for Wall Street. By sending taxpayer dollars to productive members of society, the money keeps moving around, creating jobs everywhere it goes. Just look at some examples of job creation:

Here's a place that is prospering thanks to the Wall Street Bailout. It's the place the AIG executives used their bailout money to create jobs for America:

Less than a week after the federal government committed $85 billion to bail out AIG, executives of the giant AIG insurance company headed for a week-long retreat at a luxury resort and spa, the St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, California, Congressional investigators revealed today...
"Rooms at this resort can cost over $1,000 a night," Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA) said this morning as his committee continued its investigation of Wall Street and its CEOs.

AIG documents obtained by Waxman's investigators show the company paid more than $440,000 for the retreat, including nearly $200,000 for rooms, $150,000 for meals and $23,000 in spa charges.

"They're getting their pedicures and their manicures and the American people are paying for that," said Cong. Elijah Cummings (D-MD).

From the website:

From an intimate private party in the Wine Cellar to a black-tie gala dinner in the Pacific Ballroom, the St. Regis Resort, Monarch Beach and its highly skilled catering staff provide the most ideal settings, amenities, conveniences and excellence to make your event memorable.

Not only does this mean employment for skilled catering staff, but also employment for people who are good at massaging kids:

Teens receive their own special evening at Spa Gaucin where they have an opportunity to experience an amazing 45-min facial or massage for only $120 (reg. $175). So Teens, gather your friends for this truly “spa”tacular occasion!

Bailouts even create jobs for comedians:

More than 300 HBOS bankers enjoyed a boozy £330,000 junket - complete with five-star hotel rooms and a four course meal - while they are being bailed out with £11.5billion (About 23,000,000,000 American dollars) of taxpayers money.

The 302 Halifax/ Bank of Scotland mortgage staff, along with 68 guests, guzzled down champagne while watching TV comedian Patrick Kielty - who charges £20,000 a show - tell jokes...

Walchovia bank is creating jobs on cruise ships:

While waiting to see if the government will relieve it of bad loans, the bank prepares to send 75 employees on a Mediterranean cruise...

"This is one way that we recognize our top financial advisors," she said.

And AIG creates jobs for golf course maintainers and hotel workers:

Moreover, a spokesman for American International Group said the company was going ahead with plans to host a three-day confab for about 150 insurance brokers at the Ritz-Carlton Resort in Half Moon Bay next week.

The hotel's website describes the facility as "an elite golf and spa resort" where guests can "enjoy soothing coastal breezes and captivating ocean views," and "estate-style accommodations."

Rates...more than $1,000 for a suite.

Then they went on to create $500,000 worth of jobs in Los Vegas (also known as the "Wall Street West"):

The golf and spa outing Sept. 28-30 came just two weeks after the Federal Reserve stepped in Sept. 17 to save AIG from imminent bankruptcy from it's bad bets. The outing for 50 AIG representatives - said by several sources to cost as much as $500,000 - was at the Mandalay Bay Resort in Las Vegas.

A "leveraged buyout engineer" just bought an $82,000,000 yacht, and as the article makes clear, he did it for the sole reason of promoting the American shipbuilding industry:

Cakewalk — Gallagher's fifth yacht of that name — features a spiral central staircase with balusters of ivy-like wrought iron, a formal dining salon (with chandelier), a fireplace, an elevator and "Versailles-patterned woodwork." There are six staterooms for guests and separate quarters for captain and crew.

The master stateroom has a separate sitting room, his-and-her baths and walk-in closets. There's a grand piano on board, original art and a walk-in cooler just for fresh flowers...

Despite the size, splendor and cost of the new Cakewalk, it is not the world's largest yacht, or even close to it: On Power & Motoryacht magazine's 2010 list of 100 largest yachts, Cakewalk ranks No. 38

"I wanted to be the first one to demonstrate to the yachting industry that the U.S. shipbuilding capability can produce quality that meets or exceeds the quality standards of the large yachts that are built in Holland and in Germany."

So, all you pro-wasteful-spending big-government collectivists who opposed the bailouts: do you REALLY want American inferiority in the large yacht industry? If so, why do you hate America?

Oh, and how can I forget the countless repo-men and collection agents that are working thanks to the Wall Street bailouts?

And of course, lots of that Wall Street money will be donated to the Republican Party, and that means employment for musicians, nightclub owners, and yes, even the auto industry (in the form of limo sales):

More on the job-creating horn of plenty that was the Republican Convention.


Two Illustrations of the Difference:

1. Take a look at the recent incident at Republic Windows & Doors in Chicago. The Bank of America, having just recieved taxpayer money, put that money to good use by refusing a loan to the unionized Republic Windows & Doors, and the entire unionized workforce became unemployed. These unemployed bums then occupied the factory demanding some money that some contract promised them. But that money would have just been wasted on crack and malt liquor. Their CEO had a better idea:

New York Times: Republic’s chief executive, Richard Gillman, demanded that any new bank loan to help the employees also cover the lease of several of his cars — a 2007 BMW 350xi and a 2002 Mercedes S500 are among those registered to company addresses — as well as eight weeks of his salary, at $225,000 a year.

See? Now THAT is how to help the auto industry. Fire the blue-collar paracites, and give the taxpayer money to the CEO, who then buys cars with it. Recession solved!

2. See if you can figure out this one by yourself. This story has both an example of economic stimulus, and an example of money being wasted:

Roughly 100 employees of the business association [U.S. Chamber of Commerce] ran up an $8,204 tab this week at The Exchange, a sports bar just blocks away from its prime real estate opposite the White House...

...155 pitchers of beer, 37 bottles of beer, 208 mixed drinks, 111 shots, 43 margaritas and 11 open bottles of liquor. Sources who attended the party described it as something akin to a Cancun booze cruise. They reported that drinkers ordered multiple pitchers of vodka and Red Bull and full bottles that they drunkenly left behind at the end of the night...The bill...was reportedly several pages long.

Party-goers put some of the blame on the bar, saying that the waiters who served them had — among other things – slapped an 18 percent gratuity on the bill...In his e-mail, Chavern asked staffers to contact The Exchange to say that the Chamber will not be patronizing the establishment for the foreseeable future...

Just in case anyone didn't notice, the Chamber of commerce created jobs for waitresses and bartenders, as well as for brewers and distillers, hops farmers etc. But then the waiters got greedy, and now the money won't be spent at their bar any more. Hopefully it will go out of business, diciplining them, and teaching them to eventually become productive members of society.

UPDATE: Members of our mailing list respond

[Sally Paulson]

I'll also create lots of jobs once I get my bailout. I was set to make a fortune when I invested my kids college fund in Limited Edition 9-11 commemorative plates, but then Obama became president and ruined everything. (Now there will be a glut of commemorations for 9-11s, due to a glut of 9-11s).

I'm going to spend my bailout money on a trip to Dubai. They've got an indoor ski hill with real snow and everything, and nice beaches where you'll never be pinched by a crab, because they've helpfully destroyed all the coral reefs.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Brother Jeb, this article has been a great inspiration for me. What with Obama's presidency turning Iraq into shoe-throwing chaos, I knew I had to find a new job. But doing what?

Then you made me realize the mission of my life - to help the poor and needy, in the only way that works: trickle-down economics.

My upcoming Trickle-Down Charities will solicit donations to buy sports cars, private jets, yaughts, and so on for America's wealthiest. This will create jobs, lifting the unfortunate out of their poverty.

So much work to do, so little time...

[Tantheus Robinson]

I hear you, Brother Harvey. The job-killing specter of an Obama presidency has already cast a pall over the intelligence community. Literally thousands of interrogation workers will be losing their jobs under the disasterous leadership of "President" Obama. In these tough economic times, it's very difficult to find open positions in the private sector for Genital Electricians, Simulated Drowning Engineers, Senior Confession Extrators, Assistant Confession Extrators, Wound Maintenance Technicians, and all of the dozens of other entire classes of employees that will be cruelly and heartlessly cast out to stuggle for survival on January 20.

I am afraid for our nation that we will fall hopelessly behind in crucial national defense categories such as data mining, coercive compliance, live autopsies, and document shredding. This is an area of our nation's economy that has boomed over the past eight years, and these job losses will ensure that we will fall behind many other nations-- like Syria, Congo, Yemen, and Zimbabwe. We must put an end to Obama's War on Torturers Interrogation Professionals!! Write your congressman! But be sure to use an assumed name and a post office box, just in case.

[Jimmy-Roy Stewart]

Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.

Then you made me realize the mission of my life - to help the poor and needy, in the only way that works: trickle-down economics.

My upcoming Trickle-Down Charities will solicit donations to buy sports cars, private jets, yaughts, and so on for America's wealthiest. This will create jobs, lifting the unfortunate out of their poverty.

That sounds like a real nice charity mr. harvey its' good to see that their are people still thinking of others i think giving to the church is a good way to help the needy cause then we can have pastors to pray all the time for this country and teach the rest of us to be good Christians so God will favor us.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

In case you need any proof that the geniuses of Wall Street deserve our tax dollars, here we can see God rewarding them personally:

Proverbs 15:6 In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble

The spokesman refused to disclose the size of the bonus pool or how much of the compensation fund of $10.93 billion was planned for bonuses, but some employees are reportedly being given more than $200,000 in cash

Morgan Stanley is in the same boat, having received $10 billion in government money. Their bonus pool this season is around $2 billion...

Wall Streeters are righteous, as proven by the the fact that they have "much treasure" in their houses. Meanwhile autoworkers are in trouble, proof of their wickedness.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by Sally Paulson

I'm going to spend my bailout money on a trip to Dubai. They've got an indoor ski hill with real snow and everything, and nice beaches where you'll never be pinched by a crab, because they've helpfully destroyed all the coral reefs.

Sally, you've inspired my first project for my new charity: "Help Bernard Madoff cooloff™". My goal is to raise $100,000 so that former NASDAQ chairman Bernard Madoff and his closest friends and business associates can cool off with a Dubia skiing vacation, sleeping at the brand-new Palazzo Versace fashion house.

As most of you know, Bernard Madoff has been taking a lot of heat just because God decided to punish a lot of people who happened to put their money into his innovative, nonlinear investment strategy. He deserves a break - donate today! Just click the Paypal link at the bottom of the screen, and make sure you mention that the money is for Trickle Down Charities, LLC.

More details:

The Palazzo Versace fashion house will have a network of pipes beneath the sand containing a coolant that will absorb heat from the surface...

The swimming pool will be refrigerated and there are also proposals to install giant blowers to waft a gentle breeze over the beach.
"We will suck the heat out of the sand to keep it cool enough to lie on," said Soheil Abedian, founder and president of Palazzo Versace.
"This is the kind of luxury that top people want."



The 10-storey hotel will have 213 rooms, several with their own internal swimming pools, plus 169 apartments. Fifteen more such hotels are planned.



Competition to serve the world's rich is getting intense, especially in Dubai. The city already boasts the world's first seven-star hotel, the Burj Al Arab, while Armani, a competitor with Versace, is building a similarly branded hotel.



Donate today!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Already Bush's bank bailout money is creating jobs for anti-union lobbyists, anti-union politicians, and the luxury hotels where the two meet.

Financial Services Roundtable, a lobbying group representing Wall Street, planned an event at the Ritz Carlton Beach Resort, where rooms start at $530 per night, to lobby against union plans to give workers obsene amounts of money despite their laziness causing this economic crisis.

Bank of America, among the largest bailout recipients, sponsored an event on October 17th - only three days after it received $25 billion in bailout funds - that was used to solicit campaign contributions from its clients for Senate candidates opposed to the Employee Free Choice Act who were then locked in tight election races. According to Home Depot co-founder Bernie Marcus, one of the featured speakers on what Bank of America billed as an analysts' call to discuss Employee Free Choice,

..."This is the demise of a civilization....This is how a civilization disappears...If a retailer has not gotten involved with this, if he has not spent money on this election, if he has not sent money to Norm Coleman and these other guys," Mr. Marcus said, apparently referring to Republican senators facing tough re-election fights, then those retailers "should be shot;..." (Wall Street Journal)

Listen to his entire speech here:

All this talk about overpaid workers is grim and stressful, so it is vital that it be done in these stress-relieving surroundings:



THANK YOU REPUBLICAN PARTY FOR FOR SPENDING MY TAX DOLLARS WELL!

[Buford T Scoggins]

As the great economist Rush Limbaugh has said, "A rising tide lifts all yachts."



Blessed be the rich, for they shall inherit the earth.

Praise Jesus!
Buford

[Wash O'Hanley]

I don't know what everyone is complaining about. Do not the greatest poets work on an empty stomach? Without the great depression we wouldn't have things that we enjoy today like the board game monopoly and stock black and white footage of people waiting in food lines. If the rest of these cry babies aren't going to get off their unemployed butts and invent something I'll just have to do it for them-- and I did!

Introducing the StimulusMachine 9,000. Developed by Wash O'Hanley and several unnamed Republican Senators (not Arlen Specter), the StimulusMachine 9,000 is prefect for any home or office. The StimulusMachine 9,000 is the ultimate alternative to the wasteful Liberal Stimulus Package. Use the StimulusMachine 9,000 to answer all of your financial questions. What does the StimulusMachine 9,000 do? How do I work the StimulusMachine 9,000? These are all stupid questions but I will field them anyway.

Step one: Plug the StimulusMachine 9,000 into any wall jack.
Step two: Realize the StimulusMachine 9,000 is a box with a power cord sticking out of it.
Step three: No refunds after Step one.
Step four: Realize you've just plugged a box into a wall and stop lamenting that you lost your job as a corperate executive, give up all hope you'll ever make more than your old 100k salary and get a job at McDonalds, fag.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley

Step four: Realize you've just plugged a box into a wall and stop lamenting that you lost your job as a corperate executive, give up all hope you'll ever make more than your old 100k salary and get a job at McDonalds, fag.

Makes a great gift! All you need to do is give it a remote control with a hundred buttons on it - men will buy anything with a remote control with one hundred buttons on it.

Oh, and for the record, while I'm in favor or bank bailouts, I don't think they should have no strings attached. I do believe that the banks should work for our tax dollars.

For example, I was at the bank today, and I asked for $42.01 Canadian and 45.19 Mexican Pesos. When the teller came back, I said "No! You did it all wrong! I asked for $.03 Uruguan Pesos and 199.02 Kazakistani Rubles! And give me service with a smile, dammit!" Every time they came back with what I wanted, I said they had it all wrong. Like I said, the banks should work for our money.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

There have been two major economic news stories this week: The A.I.G. bonuses, and the Dow rising by almost 500 points:



THIS IS NO COINCIDENCE! Bush's economic stimulus is kicking in! The Bush recovery is ending the Clinton recession!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I think we should also give credit where credit is due. Republican Party Chairman Rush Limbaugh did his part to explain the real necessity of fully funding the AIG bonuses by the American taxpayers. He is doing a great job and has been an unsung hero of the GOP for too long.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Texas Governor Rick Perry knows the difference between pork and stimulus.

Rick Perry who rejected pork for jobless Texans, and recently said that Texas would consider seceding if the federal government didn't dramatically cut spending, knows that the economy is better stimulated by spending $11,000,000 taxpayers dollars on his mansion:

AUSTIN, Texas – While Gov. Rick Perry is criticizing Washington bailouts, state lawmakers are planning to use $11 million in federal stimulus money to help rebuild the badly burned Texas Governor's Mansion.

Approximately $10 million in state tax money will also be spent on a renovation, which is expected to cost about $20 million, officials said Thursday...

The governor has been living in a three-story, limestone home with a heated pool, an outdoor cabana and a guest house.

The state is paying some $9,900-a-month in rent while the Governor's Mansion undergoes renovations, records show.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

THIS IS NO COINCIDENCE! Bush's economic stimulus is kicking in! The Bush recovery is ending the Clinton recession!

A small correction, Brother Jeb. This recession was caused not just by Bill Clinton, but also by Hussein Obama, Jimmy Carter and their terrorist-front organization ACORN. Furthermore, the stock market crash of 1929 and the Great Depression of the 1930s were also the fault of the Carter-Clinton-Obama clique. These three communists have been ruining the economy for more than 80 years, but that's to be expected since they were all born outside the USA.

I know all these historical facts because I listen to Brother Rush Limbaugh, the Voice of God on AM radio.

Praise Jesus!
Brother Buford

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

There's a new economic stimulus program from AMERICAN Express. Looks like the Clinton Recession is finally beat!

American Express Co.'s departing president will receive separation payments totaling $9.7 million along with a $4 million performance bonus and his regular salary, the company said in a regulatory filing on Tuesday.

Alfred F. Kelly, who plans to leave the company effective April 10, 2010, will receive a salary of $765,000 per year through Dec. 31 and $850,000 per year from Jan. 1 until he departs in April...

New York-based American Express changed its operating status last year amid the peak of the credit crisis so it could access government funding programs aimed at thawing frozen credit markets.

Kelly will get his $4 million 2009 performance bonus assuming he remains with American Express through the date that the bonuses are paid, which is expected to be sometime in February.

In addition, Kelly will continue to receive benefits, which in 2010 are slated to include a flexible perks allowance of $35,000 and a local transportation allowance of $30,000.

The separation payments will total $9.7 million and be paid over a two-year period on a biweekly basis starting when Kelly leaves the company and ending on April 6, 2012.

I hope the first thing he spends some money on is a lawyer to change his name to something less queer sounding than "Kelly".

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

More economic stimulus from the Republican Party:

The RNC spent more than $340K at a semi-annual meeting in Honolulu in Jan., the latest example of the party spending lavishly on itself...

According to FEC reports filed late Tuesday, the RNC spent $167K on facilities for the 3-day meeting, which took place at a posh resort in Waikiki. That figure doesn't include rooms and office space for the party employees who staffed the meeting, which added up to at least another $90K.

At least 33 RNC staffers and officials made the trip to HI, including top members of the political, communications and research departments, as first reported by Hotline OnCall. Party staff were reimbursed for meals and travel as part of the trip.
RNC communications director Doug Heye, who did not work at the committee when the meeting in Honolulu took place, declined to comment on the expenses Tuesday night.

The $340K documented in FEC filings does not include airfare for each staffer, which could amount to tens of thousands more.

The article does not say at what resort the top Republicans gathered to think up new ways to tell everyone that there isn't enough money for health care reform. Was it the Hyatt Regency Waikiki resort?

This article also provides a new Republican codeword: risque:

The new disclosures in FEC reports come just weeks after several party officials resigned in the wake of a party thrown at a risque Hollywood nightclub.

When democrats do it, it's anti-family. When we do it, it's because we're risk-takers. Bold, heroic risk-takers who aren't afraid to take risks.

[Purge the Unfaithful]

This recession clearly has it's roots in the Anti-Christ Franklin "Burning in Hell for all eternity GLORY BE" Delano Roosevelt.

It was that demons policies that put chains on the glorious God given freedom that our Holy Corporations had in this nation. And ever since we have lost so much money in the subsequent economic downturns. Praise God we had the Angel Ronald Reagan who told us that those policies needed to be destroyed.

Remember FDR is on the dime for a reason: that's all he wants hard working Americans to have in their pockets.

Praise the Lord!!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Apart from direct spending, economic stimulus is also provided by investment from America's patriotic capitalists:

(CBS) The investments of large insurers of health, disability and long term care in fast food chains like McDonald's and Pizza Hut have raised the interest of a study in the American Journal of Public Health, reports CBS Radio News' John Hartge.

The Harvard Medical School's Dr. Wesley Boyd, an author of the study, finds it ironic that these firms would invest nearly $2 billion in companies that sell food often linked to obesity and cardiovascular disease...Among big investors in fast food companies are life and disability insurers, like Prudential Financial, Northwestern Mutual and Massachusetts Mutual.

Remember, as Ronald Reagan pointed out, ketchup is a vegetable. Insurers are investing money so that kids will eat their vegetables, while creating jobs for them when they grow up.