[Morton Weinstein]

Friends,

I have decided to run for office, yes - even at my youthful age. Why? I am tired of the current state of affairs not only nationally, but locally. Let me explain, if you will indulge me.

One of the individuals running for office in my area is an openly Islamic fellow, Abdullah Al-Mahal Jones. He was formerly Southern Baptist but has since converted to the satanic rituals of the mooselimbs. Believe it or not, he wants to see this area become predominantly Islamic and he will use public office to spread his lies and false religion.

Running against Jones is a feminazi Lesbian, Julia "Tank" McCorkle. She is Irish. 6'2, 280 pounds, and has a penchant for wearing a lot of men's cologne (Stetson). Her agenda is no less disturbing; she wants to allow the local Metropolitan Community Church (where she sometimes serves communion) to build a youth center as an addition to their current building in the gay ghetto. She calls it a place where "gay youth can know safety, security, and love in the name of Jesus." ROFL. As if a Lesbian could ever know what love truly is - particularly the love of our Savior and Messiah. Oy! What does she know from love? Nothing. Meh!

Perhaps even more disturbing is the ecumenical Presbyterian minister that is also running for office in my hometown. His platform? One world government, one religion, (not Christianity, but a mixture of all faiths), and acceptance for homos, the disabled, and the mentally disturbed. (May God Himself help us). So you see, I have decided to speak out for Christ. I am starting a new party called the Jesus First Party. Under my administration, all people will be required to repent of their sins, be baptized, attend church 3 times weekly, and - an idea that came to me last night - tithe to Landover Baptist Church. There will be uniform styles of dress. Profanity is disallowed. No dancing, smoking, drinking, pre-marital relations, or gambling. Homers would be put in camps, where universal precautions against the aids would be mandatory. Joos will be required to attend courses that will teach them to renounce their joo-past, and embrace Christ as Messiah.

Would you be willing to sign a petition so that I might be placed on the ballot? I have three signatures thus far by the Grace of God. One is my Baptist landlady, one is my pastor, and one is from some homeless guy that was stealing from the fruit stand down the street from me (I just happened to have it with me when he had a moment free while he was being arrested). This would be for the glory of God, and not for any personal gain or selfish reason. Our LORD deserves men like me: handsome, charismatic, good with numbers, and despisers of homosexuality/other grievous sin. Think and pray about it. I can send the petition electronically but you will have to sign and mail it back per the regulations. Thank you for serving GOD and for your support.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I'm happy you are becoming a Christian and running for office. I'll sign your petition.

Just a suggestion, you mentioned your platform includes having people repent of their sins. I think you should simply say you are against sin.

If you say people can repent of their sins, you will have trouble once elected. People will be telling you they have repented when they should never have sinned at all.

Warning people they were born sinners, are now worthless sinners and need to stop sinning is the best platform. I'm just passing this along for you to consider.

Using government to stop sin is the highest calling there is for a politician.

[Alvin Moss]

Morton, I have a few issues with your platform. Requiring conversion to Christianity and attendance at church will not win souls for Jesus. Acceptance of Jesus must come from the heart. Those not so inclined will have to go to Hell and that is the end of that.

I believe that a better course would to have a strong police force that answers to Christian leaders. That force can be used to drive unsaved wretches, Muslims, fornicators, etc. from your area. In that fashion, a Christian environment can be achieved without coercion.

At this time, I will be unable to support your candidacy.

God Bless!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Morton (or may I call you Morty?) I am a woman and not a resident of South Bent, which means I am unable to sign your petition. However, there is something that worries me about your platform.

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein

There will be uniform styles of dress.

Do you mean uniform in the sense of military dress, which can certainly look very smart on the gentlemen, or uniform in the sense of all the same? Because if the latter, well, I have been blessed with 8 children, including 2 sets of boy twins, and quite frankly the only way I know which one of them I am punishing is by their attire. If they were all dressed the same, the wrong child might be castigated. Although this is fine if an "innocent" child is beaten, berated or shunned, as it teaches them the valuable lesson that life is not fair and God hates crybabies, it does mean that a guilty child may go unpunished.

Could you please clarify this point?

[Morton Weinstein]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Morton (or may I call you Morty?) I am a woman and not a resident of South Bent, which means I am unable to sign your petition. However, there is something that worries me about your platform.



Do you mean uniform in the sense of military dress, which can certainly look very smart on the gentlemen, or uniform in the sense of all the same? Because if the latter, well, I have been blessed with 8 children, including 2 sets of boy twins, and quite frankly the only way I know which one of them I am punishing is by their attire. If they were all dressed the same, the wrong child might be castigated. Although this is fine if an "innocent" child is beaten, berated or shunned, as it teaches them the valuable lesson that life is not fair and God hates crybabies, it does mean that a guilty child may go unpunished.

Could you please clarify this point?

You see, this is why I love Landover's congregation so much. I learn from you each and every day. My intention is to require a certain standard of dress that is pleasing to our Lord. Part of my administration would involve appointing a woman to the leadership of the Committee for Uniformity and Non-offensive Textiles. Your point is well taken. I certainly don't want to be an Attila the Hun about things like this!

Morton

[Morton Weinstein]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

I'm happy you are becoming a Christian and running for office. I'll sign your petition.

Just a suggestion, you mentioned your platform includes having people repent of their sins. I think you should simply say you are against sin.

If you say people can repent of their sins, you will have trouble once elected. People will be telling you they have repented when they should never have sinned at all.

Warning people they were born sinners, are now worthless sinners and need to stop sinning is the best platform. I'm just passing this along for you to consider.

Using government to stop sin is the highest calling there is for a politician.

As the best mayor in the United States, your advice is humbly and gratefully received, Sir. I will immediately make changes to my platform. I received your petition by special messenger just moments ago. Thank you so very much. As my Joo mother used to say, when it comes time for shade, the Lord will provide a grove of trees. Thank you for bringing shade to me.

Morton